Last week i got a call from 3rd grade DS's school teacher about him not wanting to do his work, being overwhelmed, not focusing, and basically shutting down in class. This has been somewhat ongoing issue for him this year. He is on the autism spectrum but is very high-functioning/aspergers type. When he came home from school i had a chat with him to see what was going on & see how he was feeling etc. Well come to find out he is being bullied and has been all year!! The school has had anti-bully presentations, so he knew "what bullies do" but never connected that HE was being bullied. It makes me so sad & angry that he has had to deal with this all school year long and I didn't have a clue!! Most of them are a little older/bigger than him as well. About a month ago some of them ran up behind him after school and shoved him on the ground. It cut open & bruised his knee, and it hurt his back. At the time i thought it was an isolated incident but immediately called the school. The school is supposed to be taking steps to resolve it, but i am really concerned that it will not really get resolved.

Then a couple days ago one of the neighbor girls who my 2nd grade DD daughter plays with, started in with typical girly-type meanness that quickly escalated to some pretty nasty bullying. This girl is nice about half the time, but she also has a very mean vindictive side to her. When I found out what she was doing i went over and had a chat with her and basically told her that if she going to behave like that, then she would be sent home, and then the typical stuff about.. how she would feel if someone treated her that way.. and she might want to think about apologizing etc. Thankfully she did come back and brought the other friend they were playing with to apologize. But she is so mean and pushy that she manipulates the other girls in the neighborhood/school into doing whatever it is she wants. So basically if she didn't come and apologize the other girl (who is a sweetheart most of the time) probably wouldn't have apologized either. (or at least not the other girl had left)

Also, over the weekend we put DD's hair in a bunch of tiny braids. We've done it before, Its really cute, and DD really likes it and its easy for the summer, but she's never worn them to school before. This morning when she was getting ready to leave I asked her if her friends liked her braids yesterday, & found out that were calling her names!! The same naughty neighbor girl is in her school class and was one of the worst offenders. When DD left she had the saddest face, and really broke my heart. I actually considered keeping her home for a while to take them out, but I think she wanted to leave them in. I'm sure tonight she will want to to take them out though. It makes me so angry that they cant just chill out and be nice. DD is not perfect by any means, but she is usually kind, happy, friendly, and most often the one who looks out for everyone else. Why would the pick on her?!?! This is only 2ND GRADE!!!

My oldest DS is in middle school. He also is on autism spectrum/very high-functioning/aspergers. He has never had a problem with bullying, most of the kids are usually really nice to him but he doesn't really have any close friends either. There are also several boys who are constantly pushing him to come to church/church activities etc. I know that for some of them they could care less about being friends with him otherwise.

We live in a very small town & i am really concerned for my kids to grow up and go to school with a lot of the kids around here. I don't really have another choice right now. I know it happens everywhere you go, so who's to say it would be be better and not worse somewhere else. It also makes me wonder how much/if any of the bullying is in part, from kids overhearing parents gossip about our family etc. I have personally had some issues with some of my "friends" & old ward members shunning/spreading gossip etc. since leaving TSSC. So who knows. I guess I'm just rambling now.. thanks for letting me vent!!

quick update;
DD got home from school and said that some of the kids were calling her "cute" names now and not so many mean names.. I'm feeling a little relieved.. ; )

Unfortunately kids are sometimes little savages and really haven't developed empathy yet. Your speaking to the bully girl the way you did was hopefully a teaching moment for her, even if it didn't "take" right away.

I have a special sympathy for bullied kids because I have a high-functioning Asperger's type thing too. (Pretty bad social awkwardness.) I was never at all athletic and was even bullied by a phys ed teacher in Jr. High! My similarly afflicted friend and I were sitting it out one day in PE and he came up to us and said "I bet you two 'girls' squat to pee, don't you?" Nice.

I'm so sorry to hear about your son being bullied. I posted several months about my daughter in third grade being bullied. It helped a lot for us to write a letter describing what was happening, how it was harming our daughter, and that we expected it to be addressed. We gave a copy to both her teachers and the principal. Fortunately, they were right on it and put a stop to the bullying immediately. I felt angry about the bullying and hurt for our daughter.

I have worked with kids being bullied in school and their parents. It is important to document each incident--who, what, where, when, and how. Names of witnesses. Check your state laws on bullying. Schools are required to protect students. Go to the teachers and principal with your information and ask them what they are going to do to protect your son. I believe your son, due to his autism, may be entitled to additional consideration, although that isn't my area. If the teachers and principal don't act, take to the school board and be willing to get an attorney if you need to.

We also picked up and read Queen Bees and Wannabes by Rosalind Wiseman about dealing with mean girls.

My heart goes out to you and your children and I hope this gets better soon.

If the "teachers and principal" don't act, do some research before blaming them. I have observed that one of the completely overlooked "problems" with education is the mean, shitty parents who bully the principals and teachers. Everything is a federal case. "I'll sue." These bully parents have the school employees second guessing everything. This isn't the whole story, but it's a part of the story of bullying in schools.

In other words, you are talking about Parents from Hell. They certainly make the lives of teachers and administrators unnecessarily hard. I had the experience of teachers and principals who were wonderful and responsive and others who were less so.

I suggest a progression. Try with the teachers and principal and go from there if need be. Second-guessing is lessened with good documentation, which is the reason for suggesting documentation. One of the schools I worked at was very helpful about telling parents what the procedure was for dealing with bullying, and documenting was a key one. Hopefully, it just gets dealt with at the school level. I think it usually does, but sometimes not.

getting bullied is hell....I was an overwieght teen and was harassed for it...one day in the school locker room one a$$hole went too far....so I fired him into a locker...end of bullying....not that I'm condoning violence....but you gotta stand up for yourselves some time...

Funny how that works Lethbridge. I did exactly the same thing with some loser by the name of Chris Rogers more than 35 years ago in high school in TO.

bullying actually takes place when kids are quite young - partly because young kids tend to be arbitrarily cliquish and lacking in empathy, and partly because the kids being bullied tend to be a little oversensitive. Doesn't make it any easier to deal with, but it does tend to subside with age and self-confidence.