Posted by:
Anonforthis
(
)
Date: December 07, 2010 03:21PM
A little background: I have been married for just over 5 years, but have been with my husband for almost 10 years. He is nevermo, and we started dating around the time I was finally out of the house and finally coming to terms with not believing.
We have never had any really big fights, and I would say we generally have a pretty good marriage. However, we are getting to the point where real life is stepping in and the day-to-day drudgery is getting us down. I guess there is just not much excitement anymore.
I really have had no real issues with this up until last week, (just figure that's how it goes). My profession is very male-dominated, so most of my co-workers and basically all of the consultants we work with are male. I have met some very great people and some are very good friends, but aside from a little joking around, it is strictly professional.
The last couple months I have been working on a project with a few people from around the country and 2 in Canada. Last week I was sent to a conference where the guy I have been interacting with the most (through email and phone calls) was also going. Since I like to have a face to put with a name, we arranged a time to meet up.
On the last day of the conference, we met in a lounge area set up off one of the larger corridors. We exchanged the usual pleasantries, then got out our laptops and started talking about the project. After half an hour or so, he said he wanted to go dump his laptop and things in his room and wander around the city. Since he didn't really know anyone else at the conference, he asked if I would like to join him for an hour or so.
Because he seemed like a nice enough guy, and because we are hoping to work on more projects with his company, I accepted. We started out by randomly walking up the street from the conference hotel, wandering into whatever building seemed interesting, making fun of the Christmas decorator’s idea of ‘snow’ and talking about industry-related topics. At the end of the street we found a nice bar with an outdoor patio with the heaters on where we could sit and people watch. We sat there for hours, talking about anything and everything under the sun. I found myself telling him things I usually don’t share until I’ve known someone for months. Nothing inappropriate happened, (I don’t need TSSC to tell me that cheating on a spouse is wrong) but I was astounded by how well we connected. I can generally talk to people pretty easily, but it’s usually about more superficial stuff at first.
Now that I’m back, I find that my mind keeps wandering back to our conversations, and I’ve been down-right giddy when I get an email from him (even strictly work related) It has really made me think about my marriage, and the relationship we have. Like I said before, it’s not bad by any means, but there are days I feel that we barely talk to each other, that we get home from work, watch a few lame tv shows then head to bed. I tried to think back to when we were dating, but even then I don’t remember just sitting there and talking for hours on end. We were always surrounded by mutual friends and had lots of places to be and things to do.
Now to the reason I am subjecting y’all to my rantings. This morning I came to the conclusion that when I met and was dating my husband, I had no idea who I was. I had spent my life up until then, fitting into the good little mormon-girl mould, thinking I was experiencing life by watching the occasional R-rated movie. I look back and I know the qualities that drew me to my husband originally, but after growing and actually experiencing a little bit of life, (but not near as much as I want) I find my list to be quite a bit different.
I have had random inklings through the last few years that I wish my life was different, but never this strong. (I suppose I was able to use my momo shelving skills to move past them) It was like this guy had the exact list of qualities that I never knew I really wanted in that special someone. So now I am sitting here, randomly fantasizing about running off to Canada to see what my life could be like, but deep down knowing that one day that relationship would also lose it’s luster, and there I’d be all over again.
I guess I mostly just needed to get this off my chest, so I could get it all out there and start working through it, but couldn’t think of a single person IRL I’d want to burden with my thoughts of just running away and leaving it all behind me.
To make this more interactive, has anyone else run into this problem? I’m sure there are many here who woke up one day and realized they didn’t know themselves and they definitely didn’t know their spouse. But what do you do from there? Throw in the towel and walk away amicably? Take a romantic vacation and try to get the spark back? Sit down and tell your spouse that you don’t find them exciting to talk to anymore? Help!