I am being "forced" by my dad to attend meetings at Wasatch Mental Health in Provo. I can't disobey him because I live in his house! I was living on my own in Mississippi for 7 years, and then I had a car accident. Because of that accident, I lost my car, home, and job, and had to move to Utah. I view my problem as temporary. Eventually I can get a job and move out on my own. But my dad has always thought I need mental help, and now he has me in his clutches.

I go to Wasatch Mental Health once a week. We sit around and talk. The problem is, I want to talk about religious abuse, how the Church has impacted my life, and how frustrated I am with Mormonism. The leader of this group is a Mormon, and many members are Mormon. I don't have anything in common with any of them. So I feel I am wasting my time. What's worse, I started to talk about religious abuse, and the leader said we shouldn't talk about that. Another member can talk about his problem all he wants, but I want to talk about mine and I'm not allowed to. So now I'm angry at the group as well.

My dad now wants me to attend more than one group now! That's even worse!! That puts me under a lot of stress, and I'm concerned I might flip out and start yelling at everybody in the group sometime, and who knows what could happen after that. I'm naturally a very quiet person who likes to be alone, and this group is supposed to fix that "problem". I would have never gone to this group without my parents' influence.

I'm convinced that the Mormon Church has some influence in Wasatch Mental Health. They have their fingers in so many other pies, and they want to protect BYU. I think that any social worker who truly cares about the harm Mormonism causes is soon replaced by a social worker who is acceptable to the Mormon hierarchy and who turns a blind eye to Mormon problems.

My dad sent me to psychologists in the past. He has always thought I needed one. These were both Mormon, both insensitive to my problems with the Church, and one in particular was particularly rude and nasty. If I ever want mental help, I want to look for it on my own, not be coerced into it.

When I go to the group meetings I often don't say much at all and just wait for the meeting to end.

I'd like to move to Salt Lake; then I could transfer to Valley Mental Health, and maybe the people there are more sympathetic to unbelieving Mormons.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 05/30/2012 09:11PM by behindcurtain.

Does your dad think that not believing in Mormonism is a mental health problem?

He thinks that my preoccupation with Mormon problems has something to do with the fact that I have other problems.

I personally often feel "defensive" in public, and I like to read about problems with Mormonism because that defensiveness gets channeled to a noble purpose. My dad is a kind person. Even as a believer, he has his own criticisms of Mormonism, but he doesn't "get" how caught up I am with social, religious, and political problems.

Over time I have developed my own goals that take into account my limitations. I think that my life will progress well in the future even if my personality stays the same it is right now. Also, it is very difficult to figure out how I could change, so I'm satisfied.

Let him know you aren't against mental health groups but you need a non-religious one. See if you two can't reach a compromise. If it's YOU he's concerned with then he'll meet you half-way.

Also, if you have a specific disability or condition making life difficult look into programs to help. There's low income housing, SSI and other options to help you regain your independence. But they don't come to you, you have to look for them. Sometimes they hide pretty deep.

Medicate till you move out?

Mos seem okie doke with that

valium before the meeting .... silence from you.... meeting all over



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/30/2012 09:30PM by mindlight.

I once went to a mormon therapist as a teenager. The church paid for me to go, since my parents couldn't afford to send me. I think it made me more screwed up. One time I went after a friend of mine commit sucide. I let it slip that I was smoking before the funeral. The therapist jumped all over that one point. Here I was in utter despair and he wanted to lecture me on smoking. Really?

Can you drive to SLC? It's not all that far, is it?

Sorry, you're caught in a very bad situation. You shouldn't be made to feel guilty talking about what's bothering you in therapy. Hope you can find a way to get a better therapist.

It seems to me that any counselor who refuses to talk about the deepest problems that bother you is guilty of malpractice!

The goal should he healing, NOT indoctrination.

Every time you come home from a session write careful notes. Perhaps you might actually record a PRIVATE session in which you try to raise your most critical religious abuse issues and the counselor shuts you down and takes the church's position. DON'T record a group session however, just your private exchanges; there could be legal problems if others are recorded.


You may eventually have a malpractice case against this person and the organization he represents if this continues. YOUR best interest should be the great priority here, NOT the needs of an outside religious institution, the counselor, or another party.

The counselor's professional/legal duty is to work in your best interest, not to do anything that harms you any further! Especially when you have clearly identified the harm that the very counselor is reinforcing!

But you need solid documentation. You may want to contact the ACLU.

"Another member can talk about his problem all he wants, but I want to talk about mine and I'm not allowed to."

The point of therapy (even therapy you don't want or need) is to be able to talk about ANYTHING. Putting limits on what can be discussed is essentially malpractice -- particularly if he's more interested in making his masters happy instead of serving the needs of his clients.

Oh, and if he's reporting on you to ANYONE, that's a breech of ethics.

she does not want to fight with her Dad, i think....

rock and a hard place

it is

You seem to be quite aware that Mormonism is unhealthy and harmful. Obviously being in a group where the leader is Mormon is not helpful. You really need to get some help from a therapist who understands the problems of Mormonism and can help ypu recover. Get out of that group and find someone who can actually help you.

If you stripped away the content of your problem (Mormonism) and you described the process you are experiencing (how you handle things), what is it that you do that is problematic for your dad or perhaps for you? My sense from reading your post is you worry a lot and it might be difficult to let go of things that bother you. Are there other things besides Mormonism that bother you? When you were in Mississippi did you think about Mormonism or did you think a lot about something else that bothered you? I'm not trying to minimize the problems Mormonism can contribute to--they are many--but I am wondering if by focusing on process (how you deal with things) rather than content (the particilar things about Mormonism that bother you) if you might get some good out of the group.

I know I'm making a lot of assumptions based on what you wrote and I may be entirely wrong, but I thought I'd give it a try.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/30/2012 11:09PM by robertb.

Are you over 18? If so, your meetings with the mental help professional should be 100% confidential unless you have signed a release. If you have, revoke it.

Sue the therapists ass when he/she discusses it with your parents. I felt that too, when living at home I was under their thumb, but you still live in America and there are lawyers itching to make money off your situation or complaint.

If you are under 18, that's different. Keep talking about random stuff, or make harmless stuff up that keeps them off target or distracted. Keep it unserious. Your folks might get tired of co-pays or visit fees. Talk about gospel topics that are unprovable -BoA, or why is it Joseph got to bang all those chicks and you don't- and see where that leads.

I think your goal should be to find a way to get independent again.

Tell your Dad you would rather spend time focusing on developing a job skill or learning something to help you become independent, since that is what is getting you down --so maybe take a course or sign up for some type of apprenticeship - since the ultimate goal will be leaving home and getting your independence back and being able to be self supporting.

I would also try to find a non Mormon therapist. I'm sure there are some out there. If you can find a decent one, tell your Dad that's where you need to go, or you won't go at all. I can't imagine he'd kick you out, if he knows you are sturggling.

Then really work on your career goals and maybe he'll see that you are moving forward that way, and not be so critical of a non Mormon therapis because he may see you becoming more healthy and happy. Then you can just tell him - "Seeing a church therapist made me more depressed"

You might need to get an antidepressant temporarily for anxiety through your local health provider/insurance - IF you can't cope. Or, regularly try a few other activities to help you manage the anxiety of your situation - such as exercise of some type, meditation, walks in nature.

Have you ever thought that you dad could be mentally ill? Google or Wiki "Narcissistic Parent" http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissistic_parents

I have found that Utah is full of control freaks, especially the priesthood type.

behindcurtain Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I am being "forced" by my dad to attend meetings
> at Wasatch Mental Health in Provo. I can't
> disobey him because I live in his house! I was
> living on my own in Mississippi for 7 years, and
> then I had a car accident. Because of that
> accident, I lost my car, home, and job, and had to
> move to Utah. I view my problem as temporary.
> Eventually I can get a job and move out on my own.
> But my dad has always thought I need mental help,
> and now he has me in his clutches.
>
> I go to Wasatch Mental Health once a week. We sit
> around and talk. The problem is, I want to talk
> about religious abuse, how the Church has impacted
> my life, and how frustrated I am with Mormonism.
> The leader of this group is a Mormon, and many
> members are Mormon. I don't have anything in
> common with any of them. So I feel I am wasting
> my time. What's worse, I started to talk about
> religious abuse, and the leader said we shouldn't
> talk about that. Another member can talk about
> his problem all he wants, but I want to talk about
> mine and I'm not allowed to. So now I'm angry at
> the group as well.
>
> My dad now wants me to attend more than one group
> now! That's even worse!! That puts me under a
> lot of stress, and I'm concerned I might flip out
> and start yelling at everybody in the group
> sometime, and who knows what could happen after
> that. I'm naturally a very quiet person who likes
> to be alone, and this group is supposed to fix
> that "problem". I would have never gone to this
> group without my parents' influence.
>
> I'm convinced that the Mormon Church has some
> influence in Wasatch Mental Health. They have
> their fingers in so many other pies, and they want
> to protect BYU. I think that any social worker
> who truly cares about the harm Mormonism causes is
> soon replaced by a social worker who is acceptable
> to the Mormon hierarchy and who turns a blind eye
> to Mormon problems.
>
> My dad sent me to psychologists in the past. He
> has always thought I needed one. These were both
> Mormon, both insensitive to my problems with the
> Church, and one in particular was particularly
> rude and nasty. If I ever want mental help, I
> want to look for it on my own, not be coerced into
> it.
>
> When I go to the group meetings I often don't say
> much at all and just wait for the meeting to end.
>
> I'd like to move to Salt Lake; then I could
> transfer to Valley Mental Health, and maybe the
> people there are more sympathetic to unbelieving
> Mormons.

I'm sorry your dad is making you go. That's not a very kind thing to do unless you really do have a big problem and you just don't recognize it- which is possible, but probably not likely.

But on the other hand...

Limiting group topics is not malpractice, it is in fact necessary to run a helpful group. In Provo in a group where many members are LDS it is probably not in the best interest of the group for you to discuss the abusive LDS church with those group members. That would be a good topic for individual therapy. Your LDS group leader would probably be willing (though not thrilled) to help you work through that in a more private setting.

Wasatch mental health is not run by the church any more than Valley mental health in Salt Lake is run by the church. LDS Family Services more than covers the church's need for only-nominally-private mental health services in the Provo area.

I'm as paranoid as anyone else, but seriously...