In reading through a thread, I noticed a particular poster be quite demeaning to the OP. Then he said this was a "discussion" board and not a board to vent. I disagree with that. Many of us come on here because we can vent about what is going on in our lives. We don't necessarily want advice, or your opinion, just support.

I don't understand why there are posters who seem to love to denigrate others. This is much like those in TSCC, acting like this, making assumptions, and judgement. Yes, discussion, but not all of us need that at particular times. It is also a "RECOVERY" board, and most of us are at some stage of RECOVERY and that does involve the ability to vent without getting judged about everything they may have done wrong.

So, I am asking for discussion on this thread. Why is this the case? Who are any of us to treat each other that particular way? Advice, one thing. Criticism is another. Most here are not coming for that. Understanding, discussion, and support.

I haven't read the thread you are talking about so this is not a comment on whoever you are talking about, but to put it bluntly, some posters here are jerks.That is the case everywhere and I wish I knew why people have to act that way. I can understand it if there is provocation, but when there isn't, it is uncalled for. You can express an opposite opinion without being an a*&hole.

I could give you the same advice.

And this is indeed a discussion board. If people do not want their posts DISCUSSED, they should not be posting here.

Damn, that reality thing again.

Quite frankly, if the thread is one that I think it is, I would think that dealing with her situation would better be done in a more private situation, not broadcast all over the internet via a public forum. Also, the person was in that situation via things that were her OWN FAULT, I see nothing wrong with pointing out that REALITY. She let him walk all over her when she simply did not need to. She could have changed the locks YEARS AGO. Had she taken appropriate steps NONE OF THAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED. And no, I am not "blaming the victim" I am pointing out that there were things that PRUDENT PEOPLE would have done that were not.

At some point people need to be accountable for their mistakes.



Edited 4 time(s). Last edit at 06/29/2012 09:58PM by MJ.

Judgmentalness. Is that a word? It is now. You don't have to be Mormon to be judgmental or critical. And people can be extreme. Something is all good. Or all bad. Black and white thinking. I find it a bit interesting, and at least now that I am getting stronger, not at all intimidating.

Funny, in that thread, if it was the one I am thinking of, the situation was painted as ALL one person's fault. The person pointing out that it was not such a black and white situation, that both people did things that created the situation, is the one being painted as the bad guy.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/29/2012 10:06PM by MJ.

Honestly MJ, I thought the questions you were asking were appropriate. The OP was venting, but was being unclear and making some very obvious errors.

Of course, I'm not sure if that is the thread we are all talking about or not.

love on the board.....love on the board....there is acceptance all around...when there's love...on...the board

sniff sniff

(~sung to love at home. everyone's favorite forever family chant~).

Haha. That is a great song to make up words to. Thanks, I'll have to make up my own. I HATED that song, it was total bullshit. But yeah, I agree, there should be "love on the board"....

I have thought the same thing many times. But I did not follow the thread some are referring to.

When I don't agree with a particular statement someone has made, I know how to state my case without being outright rude and degrading. Some people just have to be right. Some people must criticize the choices others make for their lives if they personally think it is stupid and don't like the choice. WHY? Let people heal and choose their new direction in life and be supportive rather than negative towards them. If someone gets themself into a situation and you can help them avoid it next time, great....just be kind. Some people are not tolerant of any thought that is opposite their own. Sorry folks who do this, but it is the truth.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/29/2012 10:14PM by honestone.

Ideally, this would be a place where we can experience talking with diverse people without the black and white thinking and the judging. For some, this is an entre into how "normies" talk to each other (as opposed to cult member conversation).

Of course some people are oblivious to this process occurring and other negative posters are projecting and everything in between all the way down to just bored high school students sticking it to the 'postates.

There is no need to define the board or characterize the posters or frame the responses of others. It's pointless because there is no agenda here.

If someone crosses the line, report the post and move to the next topic. Let the admins deal with it. Save bandwidth for your own problems, after all, what's the worst that can happen? Stormy?*

If a few posters want to talk about their favorite poo jokes, so what? The next post may be an essay refuting the Five Proofs of the Existence of God or an observation about Plato's Cave, followed by "What are You Drinking Tonight." LIke the world, there's room for everybody here.

Anagrammy

* Stormy: a fake soap opera drama posted here and followed by many over weeks/months where various pseudo-members of the Stormy family posted. Eventually Stormy lost track of which character she was playing and the admins checked the ip address. Fooled us because...we lack the Holy SPirit?

Whatever- hey I considered it free entertainment.

I often find that when people do not like WHAT was said but can't actually dispute the what, they try to make it about how it was said.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/29/2012 10:16PM by MJ.

"Like the world, there's room for everybody here."

Well said.

If you have something to say, shouldn't you post by your actual screen name?

Only if you've never been a mormon.

Even as a Mormon, I would say things to people's faces. I guess I've never been one to talk behind backs.

No idea which post your are talking about.

I'll take a wild guess at which one it was and say it was because the OP came across as a preachy know-it-all with a condescending tone.

non for this: I agree with you.

Also, I like ppl who challenge thinking and provide feedback as long as its not abusive. Some of my most cherished ideas and clearity has come from everyone on this board.

I really enjoy coming to this board.

I don't care if you are coming here for criticism or not, this is a public message board. As such, if you post a vent, or a thought, or an argument, or anything else, it will be engaged with in a public matter.

Only the mods get to control what is said and not said. If a person wants to vent, but is not interested in hearing other people's opinions about it, then they should do so on a private board, not a public board.

This is the nature of things public and private.

Not to mention the nature of internet message boards...

I think similar rules could be found in a public discussion outside of the internet as well. If I approach a group of people in public, vent to them about things or engage them on a topic, then I should expect them to engage me back in a variety of ways. One of the ways they could engage me might be a criticism of my thought.

Of course, you are absolutely right, internet message boards are very much like this. :)

I disagree. We come here for recovery from a very judgmental religion, what we don't need is more of the same.

I'm right, and you are wrong. You screwed up, I didn't. That is what some of this sounds like. But there always has to be a bully in the sandbox, doesn't there?

Reality check. That goes for everyone, does it not?

Disagree or not, if you want a more tempered response, I would recommend not posting in a public forum.

We need to realize too that many of us here view confrontation, especially when presented with new ideas, as a great way to recover from Mormonism. Being coddled helps nobody recover from anything. Ideas need to be questioned, and if that wasn't the case, the vast majority of us wouldn't have left Mormonism.

If a person isn't strong enough to have their ideas challenged, they should write in a diary. At the very least, they could ask people who might question them to stay away.

It is irrelevant how we might personally like to define this space. The board is public and there are no rules against questioning the story of someone who is venting.

I agree with you, this is supposed to be a support board. Blaming the victim doesn't sit well with me.

If the ONE side of the story we heard does indeed indicate the true victim. We only heard one side of the story, from an angry person that did not even want to CONSIDER the POSSIBILITY that they had a role in creating the situation. Hardly reasonable grounds for making a proclamation as to who the victim truly is, well outside Iran that is.

+1

Besides the only thing the person posting on this board has any power to change is themselves. If "tough love" helps that person change their attitude for the positive, that may do them a lot more good than always jumping on the "poor you" bandwagon.

(Of course since anano-poster didn't even explain which thread they were talking about this is generic guesswork.)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/30/2012 12:41AM by bc.

Like Munchausen Syndrome, where illness is faked to get attention, there are people that will broadcast all their troubles in order to garner attention in the form of sympathy, other wise known as a pity party. Joining a pity party only perpetuates the pity party and validates staying in the pity me phase.

Internet support boards are great for a lot of things but not at all for everything. Some ranting, venting or discussions are best done in places that are far less public.

As long as pity parties have vodka, I couldn't care less who is whining about what...

So it is OK for YOU to be judgmental, but not anyone else?

I call BULL SHIT.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/30/2012 12:39AM by MJ.

There is a poster that I think is a contrarian. When I see the name, I just skip it. Life's too short.

+1

Now I'm curious what thread it is...

I too, don't understand why there is a particular poster that feels the need to be so hostile.

The funny thing is is that if this person didn't come across so callous and condescending, likely more people would respect this person.

I have often seen this poster say things that are not only demeaning and disrespectful, but flat out wrong.

I feel bad for this person and the people this person attacks. I wonder what this person hopes to accomplish?

...and they love to argue.