Sometimes people get off on the wrong foot while learning how to communicate in a diverse and open forum.

You can end up in a pissing contest and never have intended it to happen.

You can winepost and really regret it.

You can whinepost and get called on it. That's embarrassing.

One of the advantages of a place like RfM is that a person who weighs 600 lbs and hasn't left their bedroom in five years has the same opportunity to have their comments taken seriously as a slim, attractive, wealthy, beautiful, white, educated...person.

So if you posted something too personal, start over. In time, you'll get it and settle on a name and persona that fits your new authentic self.

Just my two cents.

Anagrammy

*****Admin Note:
Anonymity - Use it but don't ABUSE it.

Please read the "stickies" at the top of the board.
It is OK to change your name as long as you are not doing it to create a puppet to attack others.
It is OK to use another name for very personal posts.
It is GOOD to maintain a degree of anonymity in a public place on line, there is no need to use your real name.
There is not a set number of times you can change names but please do not change often, pick a name and STICK WITH IT.
If you want people to get to know you and feel a connection to your posts STICK WITH ONE NAME.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/01/2012 02:45PM by Susan I/S.

I changed my name a few days ago because I thought of this new name without trying. The phrase came to me and I thought it would be a great handle. So, I changed it. Pretty sure I'll stick with it too.

That's cool, Good thought about it.

" One of the advantages of a place like RfM is that a person who weighs 600 lbs and hasn't left their bedroom in five years has the same opportunity to have their comments taken seriously as a slim, attractive, wealthy, beautiful, white, educated...person."

Seriously?

Yes. Are you not aware that people dismiss other people based on the way they look, hair color, or even where they come from?

Color
Gender
Weight
Sexual Preference
Age
Nationality
Location
Disabilty


Shunning takes place in other areas of life other than religion.



Anagrammy

PS. I rent a driveway from a man with a huge cyst on his cheek. He is a recluse except for his computer friends, who interact with him on a daily basis. They have never seen him and can't be repelled by his cyst or lack of teeth. I think it's great that he has a way to socialize and be part of the human race.

Acutely aware. So this is not the place to start shedding those preconcieved, mostly erroneous ideas?

Maybe I took your post wrong. I very well could of.
Your not saying to portray yourself as white,thin and educated to get to play on this Big Boy field? To play into people's prejudices to get accepted?

I hope not. Or is that ultimately the way to go?

She isn't. She is saying that here what you look like doesn't matter. There are no avatars, I have never seen a post where anyone describes what they look like unless it is pertinent to the conversations then it is only in passing and what is relevant. Here, you can be as anonymous as you want or as forthcoming as you want... and you still be heard

It is. Please post your picture.

Actually, I think you make a good point.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/01/2012 12:41PM by thingsithink.

I've been Greyfort on-line since 1998. It makes me sound like an old man. I don't even have grey hair yet, but oh well. It's familiar to me.

It certainly is confusing when people change their name. You have to keep track of the changes.

It doesn't bother me. They do what's best for them, but it is confusing.

Good advice as ever, O Grandmother of Our Board. However, it just so happens that I am slim, attractive, wealthy, beautiful, white, and educated, so...

Actually, I have thought about changing monikers many times. But it turns out that anyone with whom I've gotten into a urinary marathon always turns out to be someone who does that to everyone else. So I don't feel as badly or insecure about it anymore.

It has always been the opinion of most here, and certainly my own opinion, that we have all struggled with Mormonism in some way or another on this board, or else it would not exist in the format that it does. Therefore, we should all expect each other to be patient, helpful, and non-judgmental with one another in order to execute the mission of RfM. Many people who have come here have exceedingly serious and difficult issues stemming from activity in the LDS cult, and--to use a Simpsons term--it "embiggens" us all to remain civil and helpful.

So this board openly admits to keeping a stereotypical prejudice of active Mormons?
White.
Slim.
Educated.
Nice. I can see no better way to keep those undesirables away than posting this insightful hint.

you are reading way too much into it Confused...

Maybe so. Very possible I took it wrong. That would be my mistake.

Confused,

Do not be confused. We cover a whole range of sarcasm, iron, humor--or "humour," for those who prefer metric spellings--and even (dare I say it?) wit. It helps to lighten the load. No one cares, as Anagrammy originally pointed out, about your weight (in pounds, stones, or kilos), your relative looks, or gender. No one cares. We're cool.

That means strengthening the individual --and we provide that support here.

Some times a person has trouble finding their "voice" and they make mistakes, feel misunderstood because they got shut down, etc. So it's good to get a fresh start. I was not suggesting to make a practice of changing names as a form of rejecting the opinion of the former "self" or hiding, rather of second chances.

Lurking here is a great way to read a thread like this and learn how a diverse group can discuss something, veer away, come back, different ideas, different factors, and yet all with tolerance and respect. Seldom do you see ad hominem attacks on RfM.

People who disagree are not condemned as "evil" or "blind" or "in darkness." How many times have you gone to a site eager for a discussion and found just a string of foul-mouthed accusations, the intellectual equivalent of "You are, no you are, no you are..." and you just click off in disappointment.

BTW, my name is Kathleen Waters, formerly Kathleen Meyers the Super-Mom seminar lady. I post as anagrammy because it's easier to remember my email address at gmail AND so that people still in the church or those fearing reprisals will feel comfortable using a pseudonym as well.

Best

Anagrammy

I decided awhile back to use my real name as my screen name, but included the (formerly beatnik) to avoid confusion. I'd like to drop that part now but I don't know how. When I go into the control panel, I don't see the option.

Contact the admins for their reasoning. I agree with them.

So. what, in regards to recovery, does a person learn if every time they make a mistake, they run away, hind behind a new identity and never take responsibility for their actions?

Wouldn't it be better to encourage someone to take responsibility for their errors and to learn how to actually recover from them than to run away and hide pretending to be someone else?

And what sort of support can we offer someone pretending they are something they are not? If a 600 lb person that never leaves their house is pretending to be a skinny, handsome, out going, active person that can not get a date, would the advice we give be anywhere near valid? Wouldn't we stand a much better chance of offering useful advice if we know the authentic person?



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 07/01/2012 12:29PM by MJ.

There can be valid reasons for changing names, but in a recovery group, changing names to hide who you are or "were" is, to me, counter productive. Yeah, it is the easy way out, but is it really recovery?

I never would of modified my opinion on gays unless I knew those I was interacting with, were gay. I am forever grateful for that insight. It changed my views forever.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/01/2012 12:53PM by MJ.

Bingo!

I just wanna b GNPE.

but doesn't RfM prevent (me) from changing my Screen Name?

How To, please

I have enjoyed watching the thread progress with regards to Confused's posts. It warms me. Confused is a great addition to my day and I would never want Confused to change screen names or anyone else to either.

I get fascinated by people here specifically because I know their intricacies, bits of their history and it begins to form a bigger picture. When I read something someone writes I still remember other things they wrote, and that makes it richer.

I don't ever want RFM to be smoke and mirrors.

I completely agree. I enjoy watching the evolution of people through the recovery process.

Mindlight here ... formally known as Confused but just on this thread. Perhaps to make us think. Perhaps to screw with you :P

In my first posts on this board I said I was Mindlight and would remain that. This thread let me play another, good experience for me. I guess I took it as a challenge, dunno. I do undeniably stand by things I said in this thread. But now, will you trust me? see... things to think about

To me, without a doubt, our personalities would eventually show who we really are. Posting styles, spelling ... attitude.. all of it comes thru eventually. I don't like deception, most don't.
I do think name changes have a place. I agree with Anagrammy on the vast majority of her points. I go with the flow and some might find it comfortable to change their name. If I had misspelled mine or just wanted to be identified differently as my understanding progressed.... all good to me to change names.

MJ stated what I think I really wanted to get across. I also don't want any new people to feel they need to hide... only if that is what they are comfortable with at the time. Be who you are here and give me the chance to understand you.

Now I will go play PvP Goddess in World of Warcraft. I can do that



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/01/2012 01:40PM by mindlight.

Since a huge part of recovery is self acceptance, I think it is to a poster's benefit to keep the same name.

An authentic poster offers us a view of his/her growth. This has been as inspirational to me as their actual words. For example, I can see new posters, who have resigned, but have retained their Mormon black-and-white, all-or-nothing way of thinking. It is wonderful to see minds open up, and for lightbulbs to go on! It is gratifying to see people solving their problems, and evolving into great advisors!

RFM helps us accept others--individuality--and love each other for our unique life experiences, our unique perspectives. We don't have to agree. This helps us to grow. I have a better understanding of gays, atheists, missionaries, people with various disabilities, various life struggles. I love and appreciate everyone on this board, including the posters I disagree with. We are here to grow in understanding.

We need to experience the non-judgmental, unconditional love we never found in the Mormon cult.

It would be interesting to start a thread about "What is unique about you?" or "What was it that marginalized you?."

After years of being ASHAMED of being divorced, and not having a man in my life, I am now proud of it. I loved, raised, protected and supported my children all alone, and they turned out great! My own Mormon temple GA family parents did not love or protect me. Actually, they abused me, and I BROKE THE CYCLE OF ABUSE. So, maybe I am proud of my life as a survivor.

Do not judge people. Just because we post anonymously, doesn't mean we might be circus freaks. In my case, I have a dangerous ex-husband, who has been released from prison on several counts of assault and battery. He and his Mormon family think he owns me, along with his subsequent temple wives. TSCC would never grant me a temple divorce from this monster. They also think my children, fathered by my second husband, years later, are temple-sealed to the wife-beater for eternity. (No wonder I hate the cult, right?) I purposely don't give out specific details. You can keep vital information to yourself, yet be honest about who you really are. It isn't all or nothing. Several posters could potentially lose their Mormon families if they are discovered.

I totally agree, thxs



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/01/2012 01:32PM by mindlight.

I like to visualize everybody here with long flowing mains of white radiant hair, glittering blue eyes with just a hint of violet hue, sparkling white chiclet teeth, skin like flawless porcelain, with a voice of dulcet tones.
Please don't anyone shatter my daydreams.
Thanks in advance.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/01/2012 01:38PM by dec.

My old one gave away a little too much. I have no interest in being identified by the extended TBM family I love. It would greatly inhibit me.

And I'll bet that not one of you can identify anything about me personally. That's how I like it. I don't think it hurts my goal here of providing lots of information and continuity.

When I first came on I posted as Beach Baby. I changed it because I discovered a family member was following my posts and blabbing it to a branch of my family I don't have anything to do with. I couldn't cope with that at the time. Now I could care less.

I did notice that mostly men responded to my posts when I was Beach Baby. I thought that was funny. What's in a name? Oh the places our minds do take us.

I was thinking that too - that a good reason to change a name would be due to harassment from people who recognized them.

That's how I ended up with Greyfort, Mia. I was a chat room host, so if I'd been named Bunny, or something like that, it wouldn't have carried quite the same respect. LOL