Posted by:
snowyowl
(
)
Date: July 14, 2012 02:28AM
I hope it's alright if I use this forum to talk about my recent experience which was meeting up with an old high school friend who I was very close to (there was a group of us - all Mormon) after over 20 years. I left the church at 19 and have gone through a lot and, hopefully grown a lot. I grew enough to overcome the shame of thinking of myself as a "bad" ex-Mormon in order to return this friend's call who happened to be in my city for business. However, in between his call and us getting together, I did have to pull myself out of a "shame spiral" - which i just attributed to nervousness. At the ned of the evening, I saw more clearly why I had that "shame spiral" feeling - I think it was my gut telling me what the subtext of getting together really was but i didn't want to believe it.
We spent a couple hours reminescing which was both heartwarming and nervewracking - I think for both of us. But what revealed to me how much more anxious my friend was than I (at least to me), was that at the end of our catching up, he asked if he could ask me a "personal question" which was basically directed at my thoughts about the church and a sharing of his "testimony" with me. I have been out too long to remember that any meeting between a Mormon and an inactive Mormon or non Mormon is to present an image in order to re-activate or recruit someone (does this sound right?).
It made me uncomfortable but I think I dealt with it pretty well. Now a couple days later, I am sad for him that he couldn't just relax and enjoy catching up, and I am also a little sad for me because I don't think we could ever be true friends because it may be too threatening that I am not interested in the church. He lives in Utah and in a predominantly Mormon town and neighborhood.
Thanks for having a place to share.