Posted by:
rockfish
(
)
Date: December 20, 2010 11:28AM
If you're not aware of my situation, here's a little backround.
My boyfriend that I was head over heels for left on his mission almost two months ago. I've been going through hell trying to deal with this, wondering if it would ever work when he came back. I've gotten some awesome advice on this board and I cannot thank you all enough.
We write as though we're still together even though we've technically broken up. That was making it more difficult for me to move on. Every time I was out with another guy or talking to another guy, he was all I could think about.
This letter I sent basically said (I posted it on this board a couple of weeks ago) that I can't respect your religion because even though I've tried very hard to see, I cannot believe in it. I can respect it from afar, but I don't want second-hand LDS church in my life. He told me he'd be okay with me never converting. And I told him I felt I'd never be good enough for him.
He asked me to wait for him and I said no. Then he asked for just a few months to see if we can handle writing back and forth like a couple. I was confused and that's what brings me to this part of his letter...
I got an email from him today in response to my letter. And basically it has thrown me. I honestly was never expecting a response like this.
"So. Heres the new thing. Will you wait...a few months? Because I'm pretty sure. Thats. How long I'll be here. I'm having this battle i--i better stop and let that sink in-- I plan on being home pretty soon. I will be home in the next few months. I am having this battle within myself. But, its over what I really beleive. Which leads to the have I ever considered not going? Yes, but not deeply enough or considerately enough to figure it/myself all out. It was just...going to happen. So. Here I am. never really sat down and went 'do i beleive this stuff enough to preach it? am i willing to give it all up for 2 years?' I've discovered that I love (most of) it enough to preach it, and that 2 years isn't that long. but. do i believe it?...
So, my dad emailed me this morning to let me know that the Bishop told him that ward members have privately been conserned about me having enough money to be out here. And have already donated enough money to pay for 12 months of my mission. We pay month by month, so if I don't use it, they will send it to Douglas, where 2 missionaries from there could use it. And my sister payed for the first 3 months. I love people.I love the church. It is my culture, and I would expect you to be able to respect where I came from in life, no matter where it leads me. I think thats fair. I think you're wrong about some of the stuff you wrote. Like, you looked too deep & too pessemisticly at it. But, yeah, you made alot of good, intelligent, important points.
So. I love it here, but, I need to come home. Because I'm not legit enough to be here, I don't have legit enough of a conversion, and if i did, i would feel guilty about how i b.s.ed getting here pretty much. I need to come home and figure me out. I'm going to do that. You can count on it. BUT I LOVE THESE PEOPLE! I get to stay in this area at least another month and a half. Till like mid-feb. So, that could be it. Or anytime shortly there after. April would be the next transfer. So I would be done by then. I just. I feel like there is something I need to do here, more to do and learn. Its a good way to figure myself out, too. But. Its also a very biased way. And I don't have time for me. i have time for all the folks in Charlotte. And thats it. So...be looking forward to my letter. Im working through it all."
That was just some of his letter. I KNEW deep down that he was way too smart of a guy. So he's coming home in a couple of months, and hopefully I can be supportive in his transition while still assuring him that this was the right decision for him. I plan on (eventually) showing him some of the sites you all have given me. I will update you all soon on how it's going.
Any advice on other things I should be doing before/when he comes home?
And I truly cannot thank you enough. I have had little to no support on the issue from my family, and as for my friends, they've been great, but none of them have had first hand experience in dealing with this religion.
So I thank you all again. I truly appreciate it.
Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 12/20/2010 11:47AM by rockfish.