Posted by:
forestpal
(
)
Date: September 05, 2012 05:08AM
I have PTSD, and wonder if you might have it, too? I was abused and tortured by my brother, who was 6 years older, and very large, and repulsive. Yet, I had several great relationships with young men in high school and college, and a good marriage and sex life, and wonderful, normal children. Don't worry so much.
Fear can actually work for you. It can spur you into action, when you need to act. It can warn you of danger. No way, should you live with a roommate and her lover. No way! You would always be the third wheel, the one left out, the loner. Every day, you would have it shoved in your face. You would have to hear them through the walls. Your doubts are correct in this! It has nothing to do with the young man, personally. The circumstances are wrong. My daughter tried this living arrangement, in college, and I noticed her falling into a depression, and her grades were slipping. One day, I just said, "You are moving out of that situation," and she started to cry, she was so relieved. Lovers can be very selfish, and my daughter was pushed into a corner and forgotten.
Here's a quote for you: "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes."
--William Gibson
You have been surrounded by A-holes. You do not have to like A-holes; in fact, you should not like them. You are warming up to your step father, as you get to know him. Be patient with yourself. If you were locked up in a room with the kindest man on this earth, you would be happy, and without fear, after you got to know him.
You seem to have a good understanding of your self and your fears, that that helps. Be kind to yourself. Boost your self-esteem any way you can, and understand that you DESERVE nice, kind people in your life. My Mormon family were not good people at all. They abused me, lied to me, were jealous of me, tried to ruin my happiness, stole money from me, and made up lies about me, so my parents wouldn't will as much money to me. I began to regain my self-esteem and self-confidence by leaving the church and finding out the Truth. It has been a long journey, and it has ended with my having no contact at all with my abusive brother, pressing charges against the one who stole money from me, and just staying away from jealous, hateful people, in general. There's nothing wrong with avoiding people you fear. Fear happens for a reason. Your gut is trying to tell you something.
"To listen to the heart is the truest wisdom" --Tolstoy