--out of love.

When I was a member, the diagnosis of my pain was marked by my Mormon peers as a trial set upon me by God, to learn, to cope, to pray more and be devote in my scripture study, to draw me closer to him...

Yeah. Didn't work. Now years later out of the church, with the same condition, it's my punishment. I'm not kidding; this was relayed to me. The general mentality of TSCC is just staggering, nauseating and...stupid. But of course, you all know that.

I seem extra bitter tonight. I'm alone with this staggering pain and over the course of leaving the church, have discovered who my true friends are. It has left me with just a handful of people online. The in-person ones have all shown themselves to be of above mentioned mentality. =|

I live with chronic pain too... every blasted day. Sometimes I swear it's so bad I just want to crawl out of my body, kick it to the curb, and leave it behind. Sometimes it feels like the pain is taking me over... I am turning into the pain and becoming it instead of being me.

The main thing that comes after the pain is freakin' loneliness. I mean, I try SO hard to push myself, make it in to work, and not let on how I feel. Hell, if I talked about how I really feel, people would avoid me in droves. I try not to drive my Loved One crazy with it, although he understands as much as anyone can.

I don't deal with the mean god-is-testing-you junk as much as I do the old mind-over-matter crap.

"If you were only more..."

"You should..."

"You're just [looking for attention- jonesing for drugs- want people to feel sorry for you]."

"You need to exercise! If it hurts you need to exercise MORE!"

That last one would work great if only I were a masochist!

I deal with the bitterness too... it's been bad lately. It's kinda like self-pity, only with teeth.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/01/2012 02:20AM by Doxi.

Maybe you'll laugh with me on this one.

My husband said, "If this is a test to see if I'll stick with you through the worse part of 'for better or for worse', consider me tested!"
His way of asking me to stop if at all possible. *sigh*

Both of you have my sympathy, I know where you're coming from.

Welcome to my world.

Ron Burr

My chronic pain finally led me to give up belief in any higher power or prayer.

The only people who can understand 24/7 pain are those who suffer.

Right now I find myself wishing chronic pain on the dea agents harrassing pain doctors.

beansandbrews Wrote, in part:
-------------------------------------------------------

> Right now I find myself wishing chronic pain on
> the dea agents harrassing pain doctors.
************************************************
YES.

I too dont mention it much...its the peripheral neuropathy that is debilitating...sometimes keeps me from sleeping...sometimes i just give a shout when it is acute! feels like a lighter is being waved over my skin! :) yeah baby! GOD loves ya!

I wonder what he does when he hates ya! :)

My sister is on methadone her pain from her back and spine surgeries...poor thing. For 10 years she has been taking it. :(

just suffering!

I had chronic pain as a tbm and the mormon and non-mormon responses were varied....
God never gives you more than you can bear; to have faith in the priesthood blessing which says you'll be cured...
to claims that I was looking for attention... to heart-felt pity and sympathy.

Now I try not to talk about it.

As y'all know, it's hard to fall asleep when you're in pain.

I don't want the pain to make me bitter and sour so I try to focus on feeling warm feelings and do a lot of visualizations to imagine colorful diamond light glittering in my body and feel joy in the crown of my head bursting up like a water fountain.

It helps counter the focus on pain and feel something else.

My physiotherapist said that Physiologically pain alters the chemicals and can cause depression.

It's tough.

Last week someone told me it's an experiment from God.
I said, "what? You did not just say that!!"

What kind of sadistic person/being would do an experiment like that?

Their response: "you agreed to it."

My response: "what?"

If the church is true...then in the pre-existence, I am pretty sure I bribed the DNAngel who assembled humanoid bodies. I have never had a pill in my life. No headache, ever. And as I age, I see old people who claim to be my age. I am very defective in the obedience department, and have lived as free as anyone I have ever known. My hardships are heartbreak and loss, over and over. Other than this, my life is perfect.

After suffering with chronic back pain for almost two years, my doc finally found medication that worked, a transdermal patch.

Then I found out, to my dismay, that, after two years on Social Security disability, you are automatically kicked to Medicare. Because the patch is so expensive ($400/month), no Medicare Part D provider will cover it, so I'm back where I was, gagging down only marginal narcotic pills and living in a narcotic stupor.

Everybody who has posted is absolutely right - no one who doesn't live with chronic pain understands it.

I have asthma, since I was 12..,

A missionary told me I could pray it away. I spent the next couple of months being righteous and praying...

Didn't work...

I have chronic headaches, sometimes blinding and nauseating.

What annoys me is the attitude of the medical profession towards it... I live 70 miles from the nearest city of an consequence, going to town is a big deal. The local doc won't write narcotic analgesics, period. He says he doesn't want to get in trouble with the DEA, because the last Rx he wrote for someone, they sold.

I went to a 'pain specialist' - his answer was for me to drive to town 3x a week for adjustments by a DO...

Sounds familiar. Way too familiar.

My doctor told me that Cymbalta was "like a miracle drug." Right. I must be out of miracles then.

NO WAY can I get any kind of narcotic; heaviest thing I can get is Tramadol. If I even ask about getting something stronger I get these funny looks forever after! Like, "Oh, here comes that woman jonesing for drugs again."

Around here- or maybe it's just me- Fibromyalgia and CFS is all in your head anyway. DAMN my head!


[EDITED 4 TYPOS]



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/01/2012 03:37PM by Doxi.

If cymbalta is a miracle drug, then we should all be very alarmed when people pray for a miracle.


Also, I wish this was all in my head. Then maybe I could fix it.
Unfortunately this pain starts at the bottom of my feet an runs through me until it reaches the top of my head. In my wildest dreams I could not have imagined this kind of hell for myself.

Do you have fibro too?

Doxi Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Sounds familiar. Way too familiar.
>
> My doctor told me that Cymbalta was "like a
> miracle drug." Right. I must be out of miracles
> then.
>
> NO WAY can I get any kind of narcotic; heaviest
> thing I can get is Tramadol. If I even ask about
> getting something stronger I get these funny looks
> forever after! Like, "Oh, here comes that woman
> jonesing for drugs again."
>
> Around here- or maybe it's just me- Fibromyalgia
> and CFS is all in your head anyway. DAMN my head!
>
>
>



Same thing for me as you and John_Lyle.

There is a clinic in my city that specifically prescribes stuff for chronic pain, but my doctor doesn't believe I'm in pain. He just stares blankly at me and prescribes Arthrotec!!!!

He thinks the answer is for me to go back to college and get a job where I can work at home. I can't go back to school. Tried it and the pace ran me down... got extremely sick 1/4 through the semester and lost the money on that one.

I don't want to be in a drug stupor anyway, but I would like a doctor who isn't skeptical that I'm trying to go on disability pension. (yeah, as if I like being bedridden for the cold winter months of the year due to muscle cramping.)

Doctors around here don't like to diagnose anyone with fibromyalgia.

The best thing I've found is to keep moving and active as much as possible and talk about it as little as possible.

Yea, I have chronic pain. The discussion on pain meds in Mormon circles, and honestly elsewhere, usually starts and ends with a person who has never experienced it. Here in Northern Utah we even had a doctor, a "pain management specialist", get nailed (unjustly in my opinion and in the opinion of medical providers around here) for his desire to address the pain of those he treated. He now sits in prison for helping those who nobody else would touch.