I've been alive 28 years. Twenty-three years as a TBM then three years sewing some wild oats. I'm a little disappointed that only in the last couple years have I started shedding the church's influence. I believe that even those few years of partying were just my spiteful reaction to what I felt was a tight religious hold on my values. Blaming a religion, and my parents for my regrets didn't serve me well, so I've tried to accept my past. Every once in a while those regrets come up & bite me, and it hurts. That's how I feel right now, angry, hurt, and disappointed. I didn't have a choice. I was paraded around and blessed in a sacrament meeting when I was only a few weeks old, dunked in some water at eight, served a mission at 19, and lived all the bullshit in between. I suppressed my real desires in order to veil myself with an image that would make the herd happy. I paid tribute to their idols, worshiped in their ornate buildings, and wore their fucked up clothes. I did it because they told me to, because if I didn't I would lose the respect and companionship of lifelong friends, and family.

To the friends I lost, I say good riddance you ignorant spineless fucks.

To my family: I'm stuck with you, and you're stuck with me. I'm glad we've found a comprimise and a little common ground.

I usually just peruse this board for some good jokes. Today, I needed to get this shit off my chest. Thanks for reading. For those of you born and raised mormon whom are ready to leave, be strong. It's taken a long time, but I finally feel like I'm me. The clothes I wear, the music I listen to, the books I read, the women I date, and the people I associate with are no longer influenced by fear.

Happy Holidays everybody.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/29/2010 09:17AM by phillip.

I went through something similar. At some point you either have to go into the witness protection program mode and completely remake yourself and your past, or you have to acknowledge that your parents made choices for you for your first 18 years, but you are responsible for the rest, and nobody is to blame.

Good luck!

I think we've all gone through something similar. I'm 42 and I am still rebelling.

And happy holidays to you. You deserve a great new year. Once you are on the right road for yourself all of your past forced meetings, missionary work, baptism, etc. will be of lesser importance in your life. You won't have to dwell on all that because your new life will be too exciting. That was all forced on you. Now you get to determine your path. I say live each day with the knowledge that no one can force you to do anything you don't want to do. And if you and family have compromised, just be sure they treat your dates fairly or tell them it won't be possible to do couples things with family ever again.

I left the church 1 year ago. My oldest child (37) left about 8 years ago. I remember so well how ignorant I was to her about her new beliefs. Very dismissive and holier than thou. We have never been close,and even though we only live 30 minutes apart,she very seldom wanted to see me. Anyway,when I found out all the lies about the church my first thought was about how I had treated my oldest dd. I felt awful and wrote her a very long letter telling her so. She had a hard time as a teen in the church because of her choices,and always felt judged by members. She was very hot and cold for 10 years-mission and marriage in the temple followed shortly by total inactivity followed by a renewed desire to be a good mormon. etc. etc. Anyway-she wrote back to me and told me she loved growing up in the church and was so glad she had and she didn't like me for other reasons,not the fact that I had raised her mormon. She missed my point. I was hard on her growing up BECAUSE we were mormon. Had to have the perfect kids. So she blew me away as usual. She hates me because of Prop 8. She told me she won't forgive me for not fighting against it. What would she expect-I was a stupid robot at the time.

I was moved by the truth someone once quoted Socrates as saying "The life unexamined is not worth living"

It's my motto for what we are doing here at RFM.

.... that I was able to rant in a drunken stupor to my little brother and mom ... VERY inactive mormons. They hugged me and we downed some more shots. Families really are forever.

Good rant!

I like them kinda parties!

Timothy

Thank you for that