So far, since sithlord and I have exited the church, we haven't had to face any big challenges. In the past, if I had a death in the family, a gravely ill child, or one going into surgery, I always called for a priesthood blessing. I was just thinking yesterday that my usual coping mechanisms for such things are all rooted in the church.

What do you guys do to find peace and solace in difficult times. Answering "getting drunker than drunk" probably won't be the answer I'm looking for. I need some ideas to help when I'm awake and sober.

I guess I'm feeling a little rudderless right now in the wake of the storms back east. In the past, we would have had a family prayer, held a fast, or some other such nonsense. I cringe when I think of the things I thought (and probably said) when someone died. "The Lord needed him more than we did" Horrific. No he didn't, we need him, but he died.

> What do you guys do to find peace and solace in
> difficult times.


It depends.

Sometimes I just try to find the humour in it all.

Sometimes I just accept that it's a difficult time and that I'm feeling really shitty. Difficult emotions are a part of life. Fully accepting that has paradoxically given me peace of mind.

spaghetti oh Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Sometimes I just try to find the humour in it
> all.

I do that already, so maybe that will help. Although in the case of a natural disaster, humor seems inappropriate.

I often turn to music to help me go through things.

This is what I do; actually, it's what I've always done throughout my life. Music is actually much more meaningful to me now.

I have really struggled since leaving the church and don't have a belief in God and the afterlife. The most difficult thing I have dealt with thus far is death. Many of my dear relatives have died the past few years. I really go into a difficult place and usually rely on sleeping pills to get through it without breaking down and having a nervous breakdown. You are so lucky that you have a spouse that is on the same page as you are. If I had a good marriage like you do and my husband was smart enough to have figured out the church is bull I would probably turn to him for comfort. You are really lucky and I wish I could have such fortune.

You are right about that. Even in my initial grief over sithlord leaving the church, I turned to him for solace and comfort. My heart aches for those facing leaving the church behind and also having a believing spouse. It's a double blow, and must just be unbearable sometimes. I bet you also get the blame for things that go wrong because God is "punishing" you for your lack of faith. Stupid cult!!

Well there goes my answer....

I could tell you but then I'd have to kill you.

JK. If I told you I'd have to kill myself.

That's a big joke in our family because sithlord's brother knows military secrets. Threats of death abound.

Actually if I told you, you would prolly just die laughing.

Again with the threats. :D

Is the what the cool kids are doing now a days :)

LOL! I don't know...

I think what has helped me is to realize that life is mostly all shit sprinkled with pleasant moments

That is a tough one.

I had to re-experience a lot of emotions that I simply 'shut down' when I had the cult theology to comfort me.

It was difficult, but sometimes, just feeling them helped me understand them. It was rather hit or miss because some emotions were so strong that I lost my mind from time to time. Experiencing them was sometimes way too much for me to handle.

Getting drunker than drunk had its place, though. The problem was when the alcohol would run away with me and I would lose all ability to control my emotions.

I have so much more to say about this, but I really don't know how to write it in text form. It's too bad we can't just sit down and talk.

Breathe! Breathing helped me a lot to calm down, sort out my mind and emotions, begin to understand, and/or to formulate a plan if one was needed.

This is the breathing exercise that worked best for me.
Start by breathing out all the way
Breathe in for a count of 4
Hold it for a count of 16
Exhale for a count of 8
Don't breathe in for a count of 2
Repeat until you feel you don't need to continue

spaghetti oh, is right about humor. Finding the irony or the humor in a situation can sometimes make me laugh. Laughter helped me a lot.

Hope that helps. We are in this together and we don't have imaginary super buddies that can swoop in and save the day. We just have to keep breathing and figuring this life out.

Since leaving the mormon church, I revel in facing things head on. Into every life a little rain must fall, as they say.

Knowing the truth has side effect--like being raw and vulnerable. I find sobbing uncontrollably to be very beneficial. It helps a memory find its rightful place after due process.

Remember you can only hurt that bad if you love that much. If you keep that in mind you can get to the land of Bittersweet which eventually leads to peace.

As far as a child being gravely ill, that's just hell and you have to go through it. I don't know how anybody does, consecrated oil or not.

I remind myself that "this too will pass." I look back on the things that I have overcome and realize that from the very beginning I have been overcoming those things on my own.

You too have always been on your own. You have never needed the priesthood, or god before because any benefit you got from those things was coincidence.. Praying about the hurricane never did anything but make you feel like you had done something. What could you do now that made you feel like you did something? Donate money?

I think about all the great things that is happening in my life. There are a lot of good things in all our lives.

Death is still a little sad for me. I try to think about all my happy memories with the people who have died.

Just because you left the morg does not mean you have to give up things you used to do to comfort yourself. You can still pray, if you still believe in a God of some sort. You just pray the way that feels good to you. You can still cook food, which helps sooth the soul, write, dance, scream, cry, whatever it was you did before. To pray, to cook, to write or journal are things people do all around the world, not just in the morg.

It took me years to figure that out -- I could still do some things because they aren't necessarily morgish. Do what works for YOU.

Peace,
TX

Ignore social protocol and treat your self to a good time. Life shouldn't be an endless series of "should"s. Dare to be the black sheep who can still laugh and enjoy themselves, even during the worst times in life. My friends and I will even go so far as to text each other inappropriate things at funerals and weddings we attend together. Horrible? No... we still have to live life, even if others don't. No one has the right and no situation should have the power to take joy out of your life. Anyone who would ask that of you isn't worth crying over.

And if you're laughing, you're not crying. Or even if you are, you probably have the optimism to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

There are lots of things I can try:

Meditation
Hot tub or bath tub soak
Nice hike or walk
cook myself a favorite meal or go out for one
Heart to Heart talk with a trusted friend
Positive affirmations
A good book
A good movie
having a good cry if needed

Do something nice for someone else, even if it's for sithlord. My wife returns from a trip this weekend. My plan is to have a fresh baked loaf of homemade bread waiting (her weakness).

I feed my spirit.

I enjoy coffee every morning with my pals at our local hangout...I enjoy a good dark ale every night...and I NEVER think about going to church who who might rat me out for doing whatever....it's all good!

Ron Burr

Just because you leave the corrupt "only true church that includes .5% of the world's population" ----- don't leave the Gospel of Jesus Christ. You (husband or wife) can give each other or anyone else a blessing based on faith that can be more effective than a "priesthood/priestcraft" blessing. We all have the spirit and as a result all have the power of God. You can also teach your children to love and serve others. If you want you can babtize or do sacrament also ----- remember you left a partially true church but don't give up on Jesus Christ or faith or anything else you feel will help you get closer to Christ or help your family. You can do anything you want (legal of course) ------ endowment or 2nd annointiing (if you believe in it) eternal marriage, etc. ------ whatever! Take the good from whatever religion/belief system you feel would help you and your family ------ this is your one time on earth it is not a rehersal!!!

He said that it is in solving problems that our life has meaning. "Every conflict we face in life is rich with positive and negative potential"

Life is about problems. Progress is getting a better set of problems

There is so much wisdom and comfort in that book.

This is a hick-wisdom mantra, but it has served me well:
"Always do what has to be done"

If I was sick, tired, injured, etc... but I had to get up early & milk the goats, I mustered the inner strength and just made it happen, because it HAD to be done. I couldn't just ignore it, I HAD to do it.

Even as a TBM, I did that more than I turned to anyone (including god). I just knew that:
--I am where I am
--I can only address the issue from here forward

No matter how impossible something has seemed, I found a way to do it, because there was no other option.

It might not be "comforting," but it keeps you from grinding to a halt when the crap hits the fan.

I find I can still tap into those same feelings of calm & peace & whatever happens will happen, at it will still be OK.

Part of it for me is recognized those feelings of calmness always came from within - they never came from Mormonism or God - those were just mechanisms for tapping into those things.

The strength was always there from within to tap into. So it's just a matter of tapping into the same strength that was always there. (At least you don't have to have the worry & guilt of doing something wrong incurring eternal consequences for yourself and/or others.)

Music & cycling work well for me personally.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/01/2012 11:40PM by bc.

If you are suffering from anxiety, there are things you can do to break yourself out of your circular, no-way-out, negative thinking, and these techniques work pretty quickly (15 to 20 minutes) to take the edge off.
The breathing is excellent.
Exercising is, too. Walking my dog every day in the forest saved my sanity and my health.
Pet your pet--lowers blood pressure and raises endorphins.
A change of scenery, move from indoors to outdoors, into another room, into a shower or bath, into the kitchen to cook, into the garage to build something, etc.
My grandmother's cure for depression: wash your hair.

If you feel your are truly depressed, see a doctor!!!!

After that, you need to know that you can rely on yourself. I have PTSD, and for many years, I could not trust myself to keep out of harm's way--but I finally got over that.

Whatever problem you have, has a solution. YOU have the capacity to find that solution and act accordingly. That's what being an adult is all about.

"To follow your heart is the truest wisdom." --Leo Tolstoy Others might tell you that running away is bad--but it can save your life, if someone is physically harming you. Mormons will tell you that being disobedient is bad, but sometimes you need to rebel to save your sanity. There are many other pieces of BAD advice that Mormons have given you over the years, and you need to let go. The Truth is, that your present safety and happiness is something YOU earned--directly through your actions--and not indirectly by being a "good Mormon girl" and earning blessings from God.. YOU did this for yourself. You need time and silence to think about this. Perhaps it would help for you to write down your triumphs. Certainly, if you got through a difficult illness with your child--that is a triumph! We survive the death of our parents. We have survived the collapse of our belief system. That's a lot of stuff!

An example of changing your perspective, and gaining self-confidence, is when my husband completely abandoned me and my children in Utah. He told me he was getting a divorce, and he did not want a family anymore. He disappeared, we had no address, we had no money. In a state of panic, I prayed and fasted for weeks. Of course, God did not speak to me. God did not comfort me; instead I read "The Miracle of Forgiveness" and felt God was punishing me. (Never read that book) I was almost suicidal, but had to concentrate on feeding my children, day to day, and figuring out what to do to survive. I opened my eyes to the love of my children, and the love of my parents (though far away) and of good people, everywhere. I looked back on my married life, giving birth, raising my children, enjoying a life of love and happiness--and--bam! It hit me! I was the one who had done everything! My husband had abandoned us in his heart, long before he physically abandoned us. He was never there for us. I had done well alone so far, and I was confident that I could carry on into the future--and I did. I still had a lot of bouts of fear, but never again was afraid we would not survive.

When you look at your triumphs, you will see that you are stronger than you think you are. If you need comfort, take out your favorite old stuffed animal or "woobie", and hug it. It is just a piece of cloth, right, but it was more than that--it was YOU. It had your personality, your feelings of comfort and love, your security that you were giving to yourself.

"Things usually look better in the morning." --my grandpa (a doctor)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/02/2012 12:37AM by forestpal.

There's no reason to stop doing what you did before, just without the baggage.

What was the benefit of a priesthood blessing? It gave you a chance to quiet your mind. You thought a god was talking to you and you listened. When you listen, your mind quiets down.

The trouble was you had to actually hear some unworthy, masturbatory-guilt-ridden ghost of a man pretend to be an oracle.

Now you can just quiet your mind without all the nonsense. Just be present in the moment. That's true sobriety.

Your love can heal you, can heal everything. Feel it, be it.

I'll always be here for you twojedis!

Sometimes I pray, other times I meditate. Both are great ways of entering the alpha wave state which is very relaxing.

It's the speaking the problem and letting the emotion out which helps. Who to, is up to the individual.

When things look bad and you can't come up with a solution right away, you can try to make yourself feel better with something that doesn't have anything at all to do with the issue itself.

I usually listen to some music, often louder than usual, or explore art like http://www.cgfaonlineartmuseum.com or google Jugend textile and Art Nouveau architecture. Or my great passion, http://www.instructables.com and others like it. Do something with my hands.

I don't pray as I'm an atheist.