Friend: I'm seriously considering being a surrogate mother...

Friend of that Friend: Well, here's what the Church has to say about that! ( http://www.lds.org/handbook/handbook-2-administering-the-church/selected-church-policies?lang=eng#214 ) <--very bottom

Friend: Thanks, but it's still something I wish to consider. I still don't have my special someone, and I'm not getting nay younger. I've been given two separate blessings about having more than one child, and I've been struggling with that, as those promises have not been fulfilled. But I know I need to pray more, and have more faith. I've just been waiting for so many years. And I do know that those children that were promised me could come through adoption, step children, or could even happen in the next life. It's just...something I'm struggling with.

Friend of that Friend: Well, I'm sorry. It can be pretty hard. Remember--patience and prayer! I'll put your name through the temple over here, if that's ok.

Friend: Appreciated.



The above was altered in name for Friend and Friend of that Friend, and the text is not a direct copy-and-paste, but slight altercations for their privacy as well. I've known Friend for quite some time now, and she has always wanted another child, and it was surprising she even got her first (her ex was seriously lacking downstairs, but she didn't know about that little detail until honeymoon night). She is obviously Mormon, as is her nosy friend. I saw this on FB and just felt my stomach churn in on itself.

The longer I find myself out of the church (wooo!), the more I understand just how awful it is. Especially after clicking that link and reading that sh*t. She's a great mother to her child, and if she wants another but has to find another way to do it, then fine. I just wish she would see this as not a punishment to her for her lapses in faith or prayer, but that priesthood blessings are nothing but empty promises and she is NOT to blame.

I posted on her wall and said she should do as she wishes, but I'd support her either way. She's an amazing mother and if she wants another kid...

Isn't a surrogate mother when you carry a child for someone else? Is it artificial insemination that is being referred to here? I think infertile couples will pay surrogate mothers to have an embryo implanted into the surrogate's womb and the surrogate mother contractually gives the baby to those paying parents.

Either way, from the posting there, the church strongly discourages both. And if she's single, she'll be disciplined just the same as if she had pre-marital sex and pregnancy.

If "Friend" wants to have a child using sperm from a sperm bank, that's her choice and none of the church's F'ing business. If she's a TBM, she'll need to know what she faces from a church discipline perspective. She won't be able to take the sacrament. I couldn't imagine anything worse (sarcasm)

No booger-bread for a few months? Tragic! Sadly, to most TBM's, it really would be a tragedy.

Many Mormons have no empathy for those who have to deal with infertility. There's always the accusation, no matter how subtle they try to be, of what sin must have been committed to cause the infertility. Just another way TheBrethren and, thus, the sheeple make people feel like damaged goods.

you're not kidding. My mother-in-law actually has made those accusations against us. We have a child (he's 7 now), and we tried for a few years to have a second but it didn't happen. My MIL constantly told my wife how it was probably because the lord didn't view us a fit to have another. It amazes me that in the 21st century, people can still believe that. It's about as superstitious a mindset as saying lightning is god's anger. Anyway, I'm glad we didn't have a second, now that I'm out of the church, I don't want that stereotypical big mormon family thing. One is good enough for me. In fact, I'm going to get snipped soon.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/20/2012 10:41AM by Mormoney.

Mormoney Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> My MIL constantly told my wife how it was probably because the lord didn't view us a fit to have another.

Call it an opinion, but I think hearing that *once* would be plenty.

Consider what you would have to say to MIL to get it to stop at once. IMO some insults should not be tolerated.

+1

It stings even more coming from a family member. That was my experience anyway. Sorry you and your wife had to go through that, Mormoney. What daughter doesn't want that kind of support from her mother, especially with something that may already be messing with her self-worth?

Best wishes on your snipping.
(Okay, it feels a little weird to say that)

A surrogate mother is someone who carries a baby for someone who is unable to. Say if my sister and he bf could get pregnant but she just could not carry, like she kept having miscarriages. I could be implanted with her egg and her bfs sperm and I would carry their baby. It would not be my baby at all. It blows my mind that the church would be against that. So just because a woman can get pregnant but can't carry her own baby, she has to adopt? Or just not have children? This makes me so angry!

I don't understand what your friend is saying. She wants to be a surrogate mother for another couple, or she wants to use a surrogate to have another baby for herself?

I'm a former TBM, out to my still very TBM DH and some of my family, but still going through the motions for the sake of youg kids right now (I'm saying this by way of introduction since this is my first post). I used a surrogate twice during my TBM days. Never had any issues with it from anybody, although I certainly never asked for any bishop's opinion or advice on the matter, which is none of their business. Interestingly though, pregnancies were in different wards. One bishop said the first baby which was biologically ours was BIC - no separate sealing required. Same situation the next time around and that bishop said not BIC -- need to go to a sealing. They just make this stuff up as they go along.

Also, what I learned is that the language in the handbook was included when surrogacy was mostly "traditional surrogacy" -- the surrogate mom's egg is used with the intended father's sperm through artificial insemination. In that case, the surro mom has to go through legal proceedings after the birth to terminate her parental rights and allow the non-bio mom to formally adopt. You can imagine the heartbreak if the surrogate changes her mind (think Baby M case). These days, most people use a "gestational carrier," which is when the biological mom/dad's egg and sperm are used during IVF to create an embryo and then transferred into the carrier. Under this scenario, the surrogate has no legal rights to the baby upon birth and many of the old problems that used to happen are avoided. In fact in most states, you can get a prebirth order that requires the hospital to put the names of the biological parents on the original birth certificate.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/20/2012 06:45PM by eyesopen.

It makes me furious that they tell a woman that her main role in this life is M O T H E R H O O D and anything else is a distraction and not worthy of her celestial calling.

And then if she can't perform as a brood mare should, she is told you cannot use science to help things along?

Excuse me, but aren't men using the little blue pill like it's going out of style? Isn't that using science to help things along?

Apparently, fertility is a sign of blessing from the Moon God. When will these people wake up in this century? I can't believe they think they have the right to control people's reproduction after all their blathering that it's the couple's choice and the church doesn't interfere.

Right.

I suppose if you need a bone marrow transplant, they are all good with that. They are getting as weird about bodily fluids as Dr. Strangelove....

DON"T LET THEM TAKE YOUR BODILY FLUIDS!

Key word there, folkds, "YOUR"


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