I'm going to my Mormon girlfriends parents house for Christmas this year, because my parents are out of town and I have the holiday off of work. Xmas also coincides with the wedding of one of the daughters, so that's a boon I guess. Including me, there will be 22 people in a four bedroom house for two days.

I've been to the house on two other occasions, both fairly pleasent. They are a tight knit family that has seemingly welcomed me into their fold. The kids all joke around with me, we have fun playing Wii, watching movies, doing all that. We even secretly watched an R-rated moviem which was exciting, if I was 12 years old. I'm not one for crowds and I'm going with the express intent on seeing my GF only.

The thing that has struck me as the most odd is the children. The family has 7 kids. One daughter is married, one son is divorced, and the 2nd eldest daughter is getting ready to marry. She is deeply dissatified with her future husband. He's crude, a slob and, most importantly, dumb. His idea of a joke is making fun of the gay guy working at Wendys. Nobody laughs when he tells that joke. The 2nd oldest son is deeply depressed, but the family shruggs it off as him being "weird." My GF is having problems with a church that procludes romance between a member and a non-member, and the youngest son thinks I'm just awesome, as far as I don't actually let my true self out.

The daughter that is getting married is, let's be frank, a moron. When I ask a question about the church and she is around, she just laughs it off and says that's a dumb question. She's sweet, but is ultimately being taken advantage of. Her future husband wants to move her up to Rexburg, where she will be just a housewife. She is a talented cellist, but now doesn't get the opportunity to explore that. It's really sad.

I never want to have a family like that. All those kids, not enough love to go around.

I don't think about her for the reasons you'd think I would. That bit about the cellist brings her to mind for me. She was the smartest person I ever dated. Nice, pretty but above all else smart. She was a good person. Probably still is for all I know. I don't know this for a fact but my guess is she got married and has about 5 kids by now. Probably a housewife. It just depresses me. All that wasted talent, intelligence, skill, whatever set a woman or man has. Wasted. Mind-numbed. Bored. Wasted years.

I don't think it really fair to downgrade one's success by referring to someone as merely a housewife. Also, a smart woman will, likely, have smarter children, My mother, who'sIQ was only 150, and who taught school for many years before being married, felt that raising children was the highest possible calling and we were not LDS. Women in our family lines have gone to college for almost 200 years.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/24/2012 09:38AM by rhgc.

Only? You do understand that an I.Q. of 150 is nothing to sneeze at, right? (just making sure...)

I have kids. I know what an accomplishment it is to raise good kids. I just wish most of these women would have MORE in their lives. Some travel, further education, a career AND kids. Or THEN kids. And not 7 kids, 2 or 3. Have a life and help your kids have lives.

but if that's the station society assigns them, then I guess society looks down on housewives.

don't blame the messenger. He is lamenting that her talent and potential is underutilized, not looking down on her.

My take on this is that it's a commentary that it's a shame for someone's talents and abilities to go to waste.

In my opinion, this takes a balanced approach to life. Sure, most women usually end up having kids and families (as do men). But they do not need to give up everything unique about themselves to have the family, because they are STILL individuals. Men don't give up everything.

And most importantly, the role of wife and mother is usually a phase of life. Kids grow up. Something like 50% of marriages end in divorce. Women should maintain and improve their skills and continue to develop personally so that they have something to do--not IF, but WHEN they enter a new phase of life.

You marry the family when you marry the daughter. Run, dont walk.

Is it too late to volunteer to work, tomorrow? If it isn't too late, VOLUNTEER NOW...

I think you are being deceived. This may be the honeymoon period in your relationship with her family. I wonder if their attitude will change when there are 20 other morg vs. you and your girlfriend? When you can't get away and are stuck with them.

If you can't volunteer to work tomorrow, please consider getting a hotel room and make other arrangements to have a place to stay and somewhere to eat...

I suggest taking a copy of _Inglorious Bastards_ and put into the DVD player. I think they will, very quickly, show you the door...

Your blog title pretty much sums it up...

Enjoy it while you can, and then run like HELL...

Kojac Wrote:
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> I never want to have a family like that. All those
> kids, not enough love to go around.

You sound very perceptive. I wonder if you'll be allowed to spend much if any time alone with your girlfriend during your stay. I hope for your sakes that you will.

Coming myself from a family very much like the one you describe: Run! Don't be drawn into their hell.

Please get over this "just a housewife" attitude. Intelligent housewives make excellent home managers and raise intelligent children. "Just a housewife" demeans what many women consider to be a noble and proud position in life.

As far as your gf, Kojac, why are you even still dating her? The right thing to do would be to call it quits before she is too emotionally ensnared. Don't play with a woman's heart, it's cruel.

Spending your life as a HOUSEWIFE is a waste of your talents.
THAT is the point.

I said it without clarification and should not have. If a woman wants to be a housewife and raise the kids then good for her. If that's the life she wants then who am I to look down on her? I can say my life was almost wasted by that church. I know many people who had great talent in many areas but ended up serving missions, getting married and then having kids. I really, really hope they're happy. I hope they have everything they ever hoped for. I hope they raise good kids who make a contribution in this world. But I can't help feel some of them are getting lost in their church's expectations.

Okay, let me clarify on "just a housewife." She doesn't want to be a housewife. She had plans on going to grad school in music, but her fiancé is forcing her to live in a shack in backwater Rexburg so he can finish his degree at BYU-I. She wants to be a music teacher. She wanted to have a life where they travel and have fun THEN have kids and a family and all that. She's realizing now that isn't going to happen.

But ultimately, she's assenting to what he wants. If she doesn't take stand, she won't get the life she wants.

And if she doesn't want to have kids right away, she should state that clearly and get an IUD to make sure there are no accidents. Sounds like the guy might be a jerk, if he's pressuring her to do stuff she doesn't want. No kids=exit strategy.

But of course, she probably didn't ask you. But maybe your girlfriend could suggest that birth control is a must until this girl sees how the marriage is going. My personal opinion is that people should spend at least a year married before they get pregnant.