TBM DW casually mentioned that Wednesday night we are getting a visit from two guys. A member of the bishopric and a member of the stake presidency. I don't think she has any more knowledge of why they're coming by than I do.

Here's the deal. I've become totally inactive and don't believe in Mormonism at all anymore. DW remains active and I feel that's fine. I haven't been trying to de-convert her or anyone else at all. I'm assuming it's just a standard visit.. or possibly to try and figure out "what's wrong with brother RationalGuy."

I'd just like them to leave me alone, but with a TBM wife, I have to have some contact with them. This, however, concerns me. I am trying to formulate a strategy of how to act. Cool and non-revealing would be my first instinct, not allowing them to pull me in to any deep discussion. I'd love to unload on them, but the live-and-let-live situation DW and I have with each other could be really screwed up if I did. Anyone got any insight on this??

Probably want you to get temple ready. I tried it back on my husband when I was TBM. He was so ticked! I think word got out from the sisters that my husband needed to shape up. So they sent out the big guns.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/04/2013 10:27PM by suckafoo.

They'd have to be miracle workers to ever get ME temple-ready! Not only am I a total apostate, but a rather strident atheist at this point.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/04/2013 10:59PM by rationalguy.

I've never had a 'standard' in home visit that involved the bishop and the stake president.

Somethings up. Maybe they're going to give your wife a stake calling and want to make sure you're ok with it?

This business of leaders dropping in without telling people why, needs to stop. It's a psychological power game they play with members.

I don't think it's about a calling for you or your wife. Normally a stake calling would be offered in the Stake Offices or at the ward house w/o the presence of a bishopric member. Plus, pairing a bishopric member up w/ a stake rep is unusual. I think this is a joint home teaching type visit, where once a month the stake HC assigned to your ward, will go out on "home teaching splits" to visit the inactive and part-member families. They will ask you how you're doing and leave you with message. These guys just want to get it over with, and go home to the families - at least that's the way I was. I doubt they have a vested interest to reconvert you or anything. These days, I use any opportunity (my wife still being a member too), to gently bring up all sort of cool stuff. Love to see them squirm.

Just be yourself. No need to orchestrate your response. Just be, and roll with it. It's not as if your wife or the leaders gave you any courtesy of what it's about, so why bother trying to calculate it all? That's the sh!t that'll chew you up in the long run. Good luck!

I know our stake does this with each ward once a year. They split up with someone from the stake and go around visiting inactives to attempt to reactivate them. In our stakes case they always do it the week before ward conference.

These type of visits are normal for the ones the Ward has identified as "high potential for coming back to the fold" ------ congratulations they think you are way too nice to them. They normally make some small talk then bear their testimonies and challenge you come back! My suggestion is to post a picture of the 1914? New York Times front page declaring "fraud of Mormon prophet" ----- concerning the translation of the Book of Abraham papryus. Also, tell them you are facinated by Josephs inability to translate egyptian (could get info on Book of Abraham, Book of Mormon charactors, Greek Psalter story and kinderhook plate fisaco all on Mormon think or utlm.com. Yes my brother they think you are a true believer just some problem they don't know about!

I'd love to replace the big Jeebus picture in the front room with a picture of Thomas Paine, and the one on the other side of the three geezers (you know who I mean) with one of the Four Horsemen.

(That would be Hitchens, Dawkins, Dennett and Harris, the luminaries of The New Atheism.) I bet The Visitors don't even know who they are, though.

Perhaps I could play them my favorite "Lecture on Faith." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P4dSiHqpULk



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/04/2013 10:50PM by rationalguy.

That would be awesome! It could be your little private joke if the visitors are oblivious.

Do you need to be present for the visit? Could you just say hello and then excuse yourself to shovel the driveway/take the car to the car wash/drink beer in front of the TV?

I, being a polite and considerate strident atheist, told DW that I'd grace them with my presence. It's for her. It may be amusing to see what they'll say anyway. I might be able to cast a bit of innuendo for some fun, even though I want to avoid causing DW any undue distress.

You're a good hubby, rationalguy. Good luck with the visit and I hope they don't give you any crap.

Also, I hope for both your sakes that they don't give your wife a stake calling (those suck).



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/04/2013 11:14PM by stbleaving.

Your wife may have set this up.

She might have, but I can usually "read" her pretty well. I doubt she overtly set it up. She has spoken to them about me, but quite a while ago. I think it's standard attempt at re-activation. It actually could be a stake calling for her, though. She's been really active in Cub Scouts for years.

Suggestion:

tell them: Religion shouldn't EVER be a wedge between people, ESPECIALLY FAMILY MEMBERS;

their own prophet-president, even Howard Hunter, said families are the Most Important unity in society...

If THAT doesn't get them to dial it down... I suspect Nothing Will.

I'd just be out of the house. "Well I'll let you visit with your church visitors. I think I'll go to the hardware store," or wherever you usually like to go.

You don't have to reveal one damn thing to those stake busybodies. Your life, beliefs, thoughts and how you live it, as well as any role religion has in it is your business and yours alone. It's personal, private, and none of their business. They can ask all the prying questions about your personal life they want, I guess - freedom of speech and all that, but you don't need to answer.

And in as civil and direct manner as possible, tell them that. I've discovered that subtlety is wasted on most people. Ya got to hit them over the head with it, so to speak. Set your boundaries. Sounds like they're trying to spring one on you. It's your house, and your life.

I would discuss football, or how much snow the local ski resort got, or whatever else pleases you. But your beliefs and level of church participation are none of their business.

Anything you say can be and will be used against you in a church court of law. LOL.

Prepare to be assimilated !

it is your house, don't answer the door. or don't be home. It is not like you are a prisoner in your own house. they can visit with the wife. You are not breaking any laws. They are just pissed the church lost a tithe payer and they want money.

You take control, and keep them away from you!

Even in mormons get a hint, they will usually act like they don't.

If they start to talk religion with you, make it clear you will leave the room/house if they don't stop. If they don't stop, leave.

You may want to discuss that with your wife before they arrive.

If it's about a calling for her, sit,smile, nod. Whatever.

Maybe it's going to be a visit like rainwriter had.
They're going to ask you and wife to read the BoM and report back to them. That would be weird.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/04/2013 11:46PM by Mia.

I'll return and report. I'm not letting it worry me. I feel perfectly able to handle them because since I resolved that I'm no longer one of them, I don't accept their authority. As far as I'm concerned, it's like a sales call. I get to show them the door anytime I want! It might be fun do start a Socratic dialogue with them. "I know you believe it. Tell me, how do you know?" "Warm feeling in bosom, eh? Did you know that other people get that same confirmation about their gods too?"



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/04/2013 11:54PM by rationalguy.

I'm very curious what they want. I wouldn't even chit chat with them. Just ask why they came over. Make them get right to the point.

Thanks for your concern. My non-attendance is a private matter. Did you see the Super Bowl?

From the very first time surprise visit was sprung on me I reacted very strongly in email form to the bishop letting him know how bad it was to see the fear and hesitancy in my kids eyes when they didn't know what to do or how to react....who to'side' with during the visit. It was horrible. I told Jim to make it very clear to all branches that it is not appreciated and it is damaging too the harmony within our home. He did get the message and we have hard no issues. My husband has been good by warning me ahead of time when the ht will be coming over so I can choose to be gone and not be put in an uncomfortable position...and I appreciate that. Ps...I'm always absent for that meeting. Your wife culd do the same for you.

Whatever they say give your response until they're tired of hearing it and leave.

Bring up other topics of interest instead of addressing what they're saying?

How about this weather?

Have vacation plans?

How're the kids?

Do you have pets?

When you've had enough, cut them off. "You'll have to excuse me, I'm in the middle of a big project in the garage. Thanks for stopping by."

Read any good books lately?

"We'd like to help you prepare to go to the Temple."
"Why?"
"Well...erm...we'd like you to receive the blessings of the Temple."
"What are they and why do you want me to have them?"
"What? Wait...erm...well we can't discuss those things outside of the Temple but..."
"Wait. What? You want to help me prepare for blessings that you cannot tell me about? Seriously?"
"Well...erm...yes."
"And how much will these blessings cost me?"
"Well the Lord gives them to you without charge."
"Really? I can go to the Temple and it won't cost me a dime, right?"
"Yes that's correct."
"Great, what do I need to do?"
"Well, you need to be paying an honest tithe."
"Wait, how much is an honest tithe?
"Erm...ten percent of all you receive."
"But you just said it won't cost me anything to go to the Temple and now you're telling me it will cost me ten percent of my income to receive blessings I have no idea if I won't because you can't tell me what they are until after I've paid my tithing and entered the Temple. Which is it? Free or 10%?"
*crickets*



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/05/2013 06:53AM by Stumbling.

Offer them a beer and ask if they want to watch some porn.