I write.

That's a big deal to me. I have a lot of control when I write. I also have a lot of variety because I can focus on either pain or humor or often both.

But I get to choose. I get to share or withhold - and I'm adept enough that I feel accomplished when I'm finished writing.

Sometimes it's nice to have my friend over and to discuss things in person while we get drunk. And then watch a terrible movie and make fun of it.

That's helpful too.

What about y'all?

I think my formal resignation helped a lot because I knew when I said I was NOT a Mormon it was true any way you looked at it and it forced me to face the negative response from the LDS community that knew I'd left.

Being around non-LDS people because I know they have the same opinion of Mormons that I now have and they were never a part of it. It really makes me feel normal to be around NeverMos.

And coming back to this site. I don't get mad I give information. That makes me feel like some good came out of it all.

I write too. A lot. I share some of it on my blog, some of it never goes anywhere but it helps me process. I'd be lying though, if I didn't say I have been through a lot of real anger, frustration and hatred towards TSCC and those who pushed it at over the years since I left. I have and although I am making progress, I still have instances of extreme rage at what TSCC has cost me in my life.

Also, I am very fortunate that I have 3 brothers and one sister who are also ex-mo's. We shared the same parental abuse and LDS brainwashing growing up, so we are able to talk about a lot of stuff and help each other through the rough patches and to have some perspective.

These sessions frequently involve copious amounts of alcohol (but not always), which also seems to be therapeutic. Sometimes we laugh our asses off, sometimes it's serious, but it's helpful.

I am also really, really lucky to have a never-mo husband who was totally supportive while I was TBM even though he never got it, just because he knew it was important to me and has been even more supportive since I left. I didn't find out 'til I left how much he resented TSCC, he hid it well and I was probably too busy doing church work to notice what he didn't manage to hide.Yeesh.

For those who don't have siblings, having someone to talk to, whether it's here or wherever, is always a good thing. I highly recommend writing, too. It helps to put things on paper, at least for me.

Also, obviously, I'm here. I wasn't for a long time because I mistakenly thought I was over it. I wasn't and probably never will be, it was a huge part of my life and affected who I am and how I think, feel, react, even though I wish it didn't.

So, I'm back and find it helpful to know I'm not alone and to hear from likeminded people who were also completely hoodwinked and betrayed by TSCC.

Red shoes rock. I like green ones too.

It gets better but it takes time. Take care of yourself Beth You're not alone.

The deaths of my Mormon relatives. It took nearly 70 years,
but the last of them were gone, when I made my final visit
to the mainland and to the city of the great temple.

For the first time in my life, there was no need to interact
with Mormonism -- not with a single person nor with a single
unhappy memory. A long, long awaited freedom.

UD

Only mormon relative is my Dad, and I really don't care about his feelings. Now that Mom's dead I can talk about him without it humiliating her.

My husband is a wonderful man, he is sentimental about our temple sealing. That's the only hiccup. He likens Joseph Smith to Jim Jones. But he meant the temple sealing, knows I meant it too at the time. He wants to believe in that slice. I understand.

crom Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Only mormon relative is my Dad, and I really don't
> care about his feelings. Now that Mom's dead I
> can talk about him without it humiliating her.
>
> My husband is a wonderful man, he is sentimental
> about our temple sealing. That's the only hiccup.
> He likens Joseph Smith to Jim Jones. But he
> meant the temple sealing, knows I meant it too at
> the time. He wants to believe in that slice. I
> understand.

Compartmentalization, I suppose. And, besides that, perhaps
he does not see any alternative life outside the Church as
being any better?

As for me, I suppose my Mormon relatives must number in
the tens of thousands, if not the hundreds. The ones I
had to interact with were just the descendants of a single
pair of my great grandparents -- maybe a couple of dozen.
They weren't necessarily bad folks, but in their presence
there were three major, important things to think about:
Mormonism, Mormonism and Mormonism.

Oh well...

UD

Read RfM. I felt like a freak when I couldn't get a testimony in spite of my best efforts. Reading the accounts of good people who faced the same struggle and then also followed their conscience out of the church was very helpful for me. In particular, it helped me realize that having doubts about the church did not make me detestable demon spawn.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/26/2013 11:45PM by mike222.

Science more than hookers, although in the eyes of the church they're equally repugnant. Actually, science might be a little worse.

yes the information on the internet is far worse than the porn in the churches eyes without any actually research i bet the warnings against reading internet 'untruth' are 5-1 more often than porn in church publication.

and oh yeah I write too.

I have been writing a lot too, blogging, and posting my stuff on FB. I've also been fighting back with my words when attacked for my opinions, and doing a damn good job of it. I feel very powerful when I do.

I've also been buying red shoes. They make me smile, and I'm worth it!

ahh red, the color of the devil ;)

And for me, symbolic of sassiness and freedom.

In honor of your shoes :p

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ywfnnCBERY

I immediately sought out all of my friends who had previously left TSCC. Those friendships (and this site) have kept my sanity while I deprogrammed.

Yoga has been very therapeutic for me as well. It is very grounding; allowing me to focus inward with acceptance has helped me let go of some of my unhealthy mormon perceptions. I'm ok just the way I am, I am enough. Who knew?

I spend a lot of time on RfM. I meet up with other exmos on Sundays. I shop on Sundays, drink tea and occasionally alcohol, and wear sleeveless dresses in the summer. Here in Utah, doing those things makes me a counter-culture rebellious heathen.

Naomi: I love the crazy power of "bare arms". It makes it clear to so many that "I am not a Mormon." It's a fast way to get shunned or start the missionary zeal.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/27/2013 12:21PM by laurel.

Therapy

Knowledge. It helped me to know all the lies! I couldn't stop reading them all, for three sleepless weeks. There are probably other lies still out there that I don't know about yet, and there are more lies coming from the Mormons every day. I know the cult is the enemy, and I know enough to keep it out of my life.

Fun. I was very angry, of course, but my new-found freedom brought out my old sense of fun, and I systematically took actions to kill the demons one by one. For example, I drafted a "Cancellation of Sealing" document, and had my own temple ceremony to undo my temple marriage. The kids and I began having a great time skiing, hiking, going to movies, etc. on Sundays. We eat different food (new ethnic recipes and health food), wear different clothes, have our own family traditions.

A fresh start. I got rid of everything Mormon in my life. I threw out several shelves of Mormon books, Mormon manuals, Mormon music, Mormon memorabilia, garments, temple clothes, and panty hose. I lost weight and got a makeover, pierced my ears, and grew my hair longer.

Science. Science can replace religion. In our case, science has brought us a better understanding of God.

Formally resigning with a carefully written letter. This stopped the Mormon harassment and love-bombing.

"Reverse shunning." I no longer try to reach out to those former false friends. They owe me dinners! They owe me money! They owe me favors! But I feel paid back if they stay out of my life--and keep their judgments and negativity to themselves.

My children, who resigned with me. My career. Yoga. Reading. Exercise. Great old non-Mormon friends from high school, ex-mormon relatives who gave me support and understanding.

I will never forget when my sis and I were in UT for a relative's wedding about six years ago. We were running errands and stopped at the mall in Provo. We were desperate for coffee and asked the guy at the info booth where we could get a cup of coffee, assuming (stupid us) that there had to be somewhere in the mall.

He looked at us like Satan had just appeared before him and said, in a very, very horrified and yet judgemental voice, "we don't have anywhere to buy coffee here, we don't sell things like that."

Ok then. Btw, we did find a few places in Provo to buy coffe and in SLC, well, there's a Starbucks or Einsteins on every other corner.

It still makes me laugh, what a douche. So yeah, humor helps.

Yeah, gotta go with therapy too, definitely helpful.

Remembering that I was smart enough, & thought critically enough to realize that it was all bullshit when I was in elementary school. I just wish that I had been brave enough to stand up & say that it was at the time, but I was just a young kid.

Getting out of UTAH!!!

Doing Impact trainings in SLC about 10 years ago was the first step for me. After realizing the source of my agonies was internal, I got the guts to take a serious look at myself and found almost all of the agony of life was centered around the fears generated by the church. As I let the untangling process of sorting out everything, I came to the conclusion my entire view of the world as SCREWED UP.

After that, I couldn't find enough books to read, websites, or conversations to satisfy the new dawning of life WITHOUT the tentacles of church mind control. I absorbed so much information that letting go was actually easy. I let my kids know I was done with it and apologized for all the agony I put them through forcing Moism down their throats and judging their lives by standards that I KNEW were impossible to meet up to.

Next, after coming to grips with the new reality and changing foundation of life, writing the actual letter or resignation was very important. Even though I knew I was done with the church, the actual step of resigning offered greater peace. It was purely symbolic, yet the perfect therapy for the final stage of freedom.

Lastly, I find myself here reading all the exiting stories and various stages others are going through and am grateful to be able to extend a hand of reassurance, "IT WILL BE OK, JUST KEEP GOING." Life has become a dream, not the nightmare it was before.

Masturbation

just living life everyday free of church influences is good enough for me.
i understand the dumbing down theCrutch did over the years in materials and doctrine and with us Natives, of infantilizing us and never letting us "grow up" in many aspects.
here in the world i see other people or corps or orgs doing shit like that to their people and i stop & take a look.
in a sense, we've been through the shit before and know what it is.
a poster here once said, that i owe nothing to theMorg even though it gave me a few good years away from theReservation and into a good clean, safe "christian" home, it took me many years to finally process that statement and totally step away from theCult.
lovs.
Sam!!

Therapy and seeing both of my sisters walk way from TSCC. This site has been immensely helpful as well.

Getting out of a marriage that wasn't working and wasn't going to work. Finding other goals and interests that excited me. Therapy. Some of the therapy focused on the Mormonism directly. Most of it focused on feeling more connected in life and more authentic.

I was isolated, shunned because I had all these questions & no one could/would answer them. I was disfellowshipped & dismayed. Don't remember how I found RfM but when I read other's stories & the things they were discovering, a huge load was lifted from my shoulders. After 13 years, I still come to read & to purge the brain-washing that may take the rest of my life to get rid of, it went that deep.

Thank you to so many people, some still here & others gone on to other things. I may not respond to the posts, but I come every day to read & to learn.

I read a lot of books and listen to a lot of lectures about quantum physics. That's where I found the courage to question the religion I was raised to believe, and it's where I still find comfort in the idea that "the universe is not only stranger than we suppose, but stranger than we CAN suppose." (J.B.S. Haldane in Possible Worlds, banned word replaced with "stranger") I'm not sure if this will make sense to anyone but me, but knowing that as a human being, I am not well equipped to intuitively understand the complexities of the universe frees me from feeling like I need answers for it from a religious perspective. I don't need the framework of religion to try to explain it to me anymore (not that religion ever did a good job of that anyway). I'm free to marvel at the wonders of the universe without needing to fit them into a nice, neat religious box... or any box, for that matter. The bottom line is that I finally realized that the god of Abraham is a little god who is not worthy of this vast and awe-inspiring universe. Mormonism can keep its trashy little trailer park deity. (thanks, Don Bagley!)

I also feel like RfM is significant in my recovery. Reading the thoughts of others who understand exactly what I'm going through is very validating and comforting. It's a lot like group therapy. :)

Humor is very helpful, too. Dh and I like to make jokes back and forth about Mormonism's sacred cows, and each time we do, I feel a little more free and unencumbered by their influence in my life. I also enjoy the humor I find here at RfM. Every time one of you makes me laugh about the silliness that is Mormonism, I'm freed from its grip just a little bit more.

humor

after the loss of my marriage, my hopes and dreams they lied to me about, though I didn't realize that was what was happening, though I remember throwing a major fit when I realized that they had coerced me into the life I was leading, but that was even before "he" left me.

Therapy. I used to write in journals a lot. I no longer do. The years after he left--those journals are eye-opening, as is my "gay" journal that I started when I first found out he is gay 30 years ago.

Walking, walking, walking, and walking.

And reading here.

Fighting back against the harassment I experienced after leaving (which continued after I resigned, and moved) has been very empowering. I feel like my actions have brought about changes in how the local Mormons will treat people in the future.

Last summer, right after I left, hiking and sailing helped keep me sane. Singing and playing the piano have also been sources of comfort and spirituality.

I almost forgot. All the plates of cookies I am not getting. Come on Mormons, all the other apostates get lots and lots of baked goods, but does Brother Coke Drinker ever get anything? That's a big fat no. It causes a lot of bitterness, and I feel really offended over the whole thing. My hate gets me through the day, since I secretly know deep down inside that I am going to the Telestial Kingdom, where I will be forced to drink beer with Mark Twain, while my Mormon sisters have the joy of being eternally pregnant.

Learning *true* LDS history from many of the posters on RfM in the early 2000s.

I had decided to leave based upon reading from the Mormon scriptures, the old 4 essentials (marvelous work and a wonder, Jesus the Christ, etc) journal of discourses and the History of the Church. Something didn't seem right, in fact something seemed very very wrong. The Mormon God did not seem good nor did the saints.

RfM's scripture and history buffs fleshed out the rest for me, giving me confidence in my experience and decision.

Physically distancing myself from my mormon family and friends. So contact was minimal. Then making new friends and starting a new life without mormonism in it.

I write, following what works in my process (often on RFM, also, I often satire and parody. And share it. The Christmas Letters is still on line and I post it most years. All.... Very therapeutic.

I changed my thinking. That is where the power is: in our brain! The goal: Take my power back and own it.

That included rewriting the automatic scripts that ran in my head for years. I also put them in writing in a list and how I changed them and posted them on RFM.

I kept my self respect, self confidence, and sense of well being on HIGH. Nothing would be allowed to destroy me, or my ability to make changes and have positive results.

Wrote on the subject of how I made it work with a believing husband. (Another post on RFM that is repeated from time to time.)

I took Adult Ed. classes at a local college for about four years that ended up filling the time, and more that I spent volunteering in "callings" in the LDS Church. Wow, what an eye opener. Changed my environment for many hours of the day.

I started a "Red Hat Society" in our local area, which grew to 225 women on our roster.I took photographs, made and decorated hats, collected red and purple clothing, etc. for a Red Hat Closet in my home. Planned two social get-togethers-- luncheons a month for about 18 or so months. Still have great friends from this project!

There are more things I did to adjust to the major changes I was making in my belief system, while allowing my new World View to evolve.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/27/2013 12:31PM by SusieQ#1.

I was lucky to have left at the same time as my husband. He was my biggest strength and biggest help by far. I was also fortunate enough to have a couple of online friends to vent to and feel like I wasn't all alone.

I also sunk myself into pilates. I loved feeling strong physically while my inner self was gaining strength as well.

And... I got a couple tattoos that helped me tons! I don't know why, but doing something "forbidden" made me feel free.

Basically getting the LDS church out of my head and giving it as little time and thought as possible. The church is a waste of my time. Finding that I think about it less and less over time, and then when it does raise its ridiculous head, I'm always even more struck by how alien it and its behaviors appear.

You have to think of the LDS church as a kind of poison or allergen: your best way of getting over it is to leave it alone and stay away from its noxiousness. The more you mess with it, the more it tries to make you sick with its disease.

So, I'm starting to live my life the way I want to live it. We started leaving the coffee maker out in the open. My TBM family (as well as my husband) are addicted to diet coke and we always have a supply on hand in our fridge in the garage. We also have beer in that fridge and use to hide it when anyone came over. THis last sunday I just left in all where anyone could see it. I was a bit uncomfortable about it but just let it go. This summer I am hoping I am brave enough to wear a sleeveless top. I seriously chicken out every summer. I just don't want the confrontation. It's just the little things. Baby steps really.

the first thing was moving out of Utah. That got me away from my TBM relatives and gave me the gift of being myself without feeing guilty or that I had to hide anything.

The second thing was that I had been on again/off again active in the morg for years and had moved around alot, so I didn't leave behind a significant social support structure when I left.

After that it was meeting some genuinely good people outside of the morg who drank coffee and alcohol and their lives were just fine. That helped me lose my fear.

Writing, researching, and just time helped the most. I left nearly 20 years ago now. Occasionally I come back to RFM because I find there are things I constantly run up against about myself that I still need to deprogram. It's good to know I'm not alone.