I first posted on this forum several weeks back when I poured out my heart and some of my life story (in perhaps a little too much detail) and received tremendous support and enouragement from a number of contributors who had been through it before - thank you Anagrammy et al.

I have been a frequent visitor but have seldom posted since merely enjoying reading what others are saying.
Living in the UK, it is interesting to read the experiences of exmos from Utah where you are made to feel awkward by breaking away from the church. I grew up in Africa where I always felt awkward being a member as, for the most part, there was no-one my age that I knew in the Church.

Since disclosing to my TBM wife my "concerns" about the church, it has been extremely trying for the both of us. I love her more than anything and, whilst I suspect she has some doubts now that she has been made aware of various truths behind the history of the Church, I could not see her changing her views any time soon. To her tremendous credit she agreed that we should not force the religion on our children and we agree that our two older children (14 & 13) are old enough to make the choice for themselves and we can sit down with them and explain our different views as parents. The wonderful thing is we agree that the most important thing is that, whatever their choices, they must know that we will respect them and our love for them and each other will not diminish in any way.

Now to get to my point. My wife serves on the YW presidency in our ward and one of her closest friends and confidantes is the YWP who I had always seen as a TBM but who would shake things up with the Bishop every now and again, mostly over his antiquated views on what to expect of YW.

A couple of days ago I received a text message from the YWP asking if she could meet with me, preferably alone. It was an unusual request as, apart from the usual Sunday pleasantaries at church, the only contact I had previously with her family was through my wife and our children who are good friends. It transpired that she had come across information about the church on the internet through sites like mormonthink and was very quickly coming to the conclusion that she has been duped her entire life. I felt for her as I know the turmoil she must be going through being a fully active and participating member. Unlike me, who had been inactive for some time before properly looking into the origins of the Church, she has been fully committed and has been diligent in her calling as YWP. It will thus be that much harder for her to walk away than it was for me, particularly with her daughter being in YW at the moment. She is however fortunate that her husband is a great guy who has been inactive for a while and who I suspect will not take much convincing to form the same views. At the time we spoke she had not expressed her doubts to him. We had a lengthy conversation during which we both unburdened and I think it was mutually beneficial. I was fortunate to be able to share some of the advice I have gleaned from this forum.

Whilst I sincerely feel for what the YWP is going through, I could not help but feel a little selfish optimism that perhaps this might be a catalyst for my wife's eyes being opened. It could be that she will be more open to hearing the truth from someone who she has worked so closely with in the church over the last few years than from her husband who has not been going to church for some time. My fingers are crossed. Will wait and see.

Good luck. I am a UK formon, and was lucky enough to exit at the same time as my wife. I have a friend who has it really tough with a TBM wife. Take it slow and hopefully her friend will pluck up the courage to talk to her and you can all leave together. Doing it with support is a lot easier.

All the best mate.

Interesting turn of events.
Just to say I am in the UK too and is nice to see others from here posting.

Your wife seems like a good person, especially with letting the kids choose their religion. A lot of mormons (especially women) wouldn't have the courage to do that. There's sometimes a certain culture in the Relief Society, where how successful the sisters are as a mother is based on the activity of their children in the church.

Also, I've known in the past for less active members to be called into primary, and they come every week whilst they have the calling, but immediately after they get released they stop coming to church again (this has happened multiple times with different people in my ward). It could be a similar situation with the Young Womens President, maybe she's going to keep going regularly because of the young women.

Good luck with everything. And your post proves that not all active mormons are horrible people, like some people on this forum seem to believe.

Why would you think anyone here thinks active Mormons are horrible people?

We may think they are cruel in their shunning, or deluded in their thinking, but we were not so long ago active members ourselves.

Could you give me an example of why you have drawn such a ghastly conclusion about RfM?

Anagrammy

Good luck on your journey.

If I could offer you some advice, it would be to be careful.

While I am sure it was nice to speak to someone who is going through the turmoil of losing faith, be careful not to bond too closely with the YWP.

Mutual support could be the beginning of an affair which would destory your family. Many Mormons who depart the faith go through a very unstable time and I believe use poor judgment in the process. I did.

If you love your wife, don't meet in secret or alone with the YWP. I would encourage you to meet and discuss matters with your wife and the YWP.

Sorry if this sounds preachy. Good luck to you and your family.

Have heart!

There are more of us than you think in the UK!

Just look at Steven Bloor, Christopher Ralph....

As well as me who still attends but doesn't believe it all

We have vibrant discussion group on facebook for former UK LDS... if you want to join PM on facebook and I'll add you (or any others here from the UK)... My facebook name is the same as this screen name.

this is good to know and makes me happy!!

Lots of ex-mos from the UK.

Some of us are even ex-UK ex-mos

There is a fairly active FB group for ex-mos in the UK and they seem to have regular meets as well. Of course, living 15,000km away, I kind of miss out on that social stuff.

Point is, there is a heap of folk just like you, so you are not alone. Message me directly if you want to get hooked up with the FB group, if you haven't already.

Now that is a wonderful "blessing" coming your way. The more reasonable good people around your wife who are questioning, the better.

Keep us posted! Very exciting--truth is infectious.

Anagrammy

...Mormons aren't supposed to be alone with members of the opposite gender unless it's a spouse or one's own child. It's about apostasy, not sex. ;^)

Appreciate all comments. I should have elaborated in the first post on the fact that my wife is aware of the conversation I had with YWP with her consent as I would not want to be going behind my wife's. I haven't gone into any detail though as the YWP will likely tell her all her findings in her own time. My wife has already sent her a message of support in whatever she decides as she values the friendship more than anything else which I know will mean a lot to the YWP.

I agree with Anagrammy, most TBM's I know are genuine good people. I have chosen to keep my distance from them because I am tired of conversation always being centred around churchy things rather than it being because of them making me feel unwelcome.

Good to see that there are some fellow Brits on here. I would like to participate in the UK FB forum mentioned. How do I participate anonymously? Sorry I am not very social media savvy.