Posted by:
CA girl
(
)
Date: April 12, 2013 11:44PM
OK storm, I can give you my point of view, but it's just one of many. Unlike you, I didn't doubt for years - I didn't doubt for a minute. I went from believing to disbelief in like an hour. I spent months and months studying after that to convince myself I was right but in all honesty, my belief in a lot of things was yanked out from under my feet like a rug and I fell hard.
My beliefs all came into question. What happens after we die then? And what is the purpose of life? Who really are my friends - who do I trust? What is real and do I trust myself to discern that based on being epically fooled by Mormonism? I lost the guiding bedrock principles of my life, especially considering that all my major life decisions had been made based on what I thought was a firm foundation: Mormonism. I no longer had a tribe, as SusieQ says. Ward parties and activities, temple trips, service projects ... all the things I'd grown up doing, where I belonged - it was all a lie.
Now granted, in retrospect I'm glad to be free of Mormon obligations, goals, burdens and the boredom that is today's church. But back in the day, there were roadshows, dance festivals, barbeques, dances, firesides and fun. Now it's just work, pay up, work more, listen to people drone on, work, pay, fear for you and your family's eternal life, clean toilets, drudge. The church used to be a lot better and I don't think I realized how far it had fallen until I got some distance and perspective.
So yeah, there were times I was sad about leaving the church. Times I was angry at being lied to. Times I was relieved and free and felt the world finally made sense. Primarily I was relieved but I had my very sad moments too, realizing everything I did, everything I hoped for was wrong.