They hear what you have to say, it makes sense to them, but 10 minutes later they have some excuse or rationalization to explain away their choices or behavior.

Congratulations, your wall of bullshit, denial and rationalizations is completely impenetrable, no facts, reality or evidence can get through let alone be considered, you fantasy world is safe.

They hear what you have to say, it makes sense to them, but 10 minutes later they have some excuse or rationalization to explain away their choices or behavior.

Only they don't seem to hear what anyone is saying, even when evidence is shown to disprove their unsupported claims, they continue repeating their unsupported claims as if those claims are the truth.

I was dealing today with one of the posters I believe MJ was referring to AND with my younger sister.

I am so WEARY of her boyfriend/husband (years back) problems. It really is true--you think you are getting through to them and 10 minutes later they are back to their prior thinking. My sister was driving me nuts today. I DON'T KNOW WHY I LISTENED AGAIN. I usually just tell her, "yes, you are right"--maybe dealing with insanity on the board made me vulnerable to her insanity to day.

Mine isn't with Mormons at the moment either, but the lying to themselves the ability to see themselves and the hero/victim in any situation and spin all the information till it suits them is down right amazing.

OMG! you just can’t make this stuff up.

My stepson John Michael, I’ll just refer to him as JM from here on out, asked to move in before Thanksgiving, he’s 30, he just found his girlfriend Abby in bed with another man, who happens to be his sisters drug addict bf the notorious IV. (That’s right folks; his name is IV, not Ivy or Iverson!)

(I’ve vented about my dysfunction step-daughter here also, she has 4 children, 3 of them to this drug addict who steals his mothers jewelry and money from their purses to support his habit and cheats on her, and she is on welfare, they live with his mother and she seems to think of herself as a stay at home mom, sent us this e-mail a few months ago.)

[Hey dad, just wanted to say HI, I know we don’t speak that much we both have our own reasons, but I wanted to tell you that I love you and miss you and I wish things could be different between us, but I know you are not happy with choices I have made. Just know that those choices I have made have given me a wonderful family and a fulfilling life, my only wish is that you would just accept me for me even with my flaws, for I have accepted you and yours. I love you unconditionally you are my one and only father. I know you don’t approve of the decisions I have made, but those decisions have made me truly happy and truly blessed. I only wish that my kid would be able to know you and love you the way I do. I don’t expect a response, but these feeling can no longer remain held in. I love you know matter what choices you have made I only wish you would love me the same.]

Her dad responded: Seriously xxxxx, fishing again, find some new bait.

Her reply: Oh, that’s right I’m not one of your precious little step kids! I am fine without you, and I guess that’s just how it will stay. I know those grandkids will be much more important to you anyway.

She lies to us and really doesn’t have time for us unless we’re giving her money or buying the children gifts. There is no real relationship here unless it’s to believe her bullshit and allow her to exploit our resources.

So John Michael, he gets a rental truck and moves all his stuff out (he’s been trying to fix Abby her of her addiction to heroin and or oxy-codeine or whatever drug she can get her hands on? he seems to think she can just stop), puts household stuff in storage and sleeps on Moms sofa. He leaves his step-son and bio child with Abby, but he’s got all his stuff.

Two weeks later he asks to move in with us, we have spare bedrooms because we are almost empty nesters, I guess the accommodations are better at Dads house. [My three children two oldest girls graduated from college and have moved out, my son is in 3rd year of college in CO. and only home about twice a year.]

So anyway they lose the house they are renting and Abby moves in with some guy and takes the children up to her mothers and leaves them there so she can devote more time to drugs and now Abby’s mom has the children.

John Michael is still married to Tressa; they have been separated for 5 years and still haven’t managed to file divorce papers. He has two children to Tressa and he has another bio child as he had Tressa and gf Joy knocked up at the same time, (Joy wouldn’t marry him so he married Tressa. JM was in the army and these women live in an another state) At any rate, Joy and Tressa have teamed up and sued for child support now all this child support is catching up with him. (He didn’t pay for years and I guess just though these women would just let him off the hook).

So he has a list of things he needs to do,
Like get a lawyer for custody of his son if he doesn’t want Abby’s mom raising them,

File for bankruptcy as his finances are a disaster, he has no car it got repoed,

Fie for divorce from Tressa,

Catch up on back child support,

He needs 750.00 dollars or tools for the courses he wants to take at trade school and

He needs a car.

And he got laid off work two weeks after he moved in with us.

He’s saying now he wants to go back to school because of GI education benefits he can get, he wants to get better paying jobs so he can pay all this child support and still have enough money to live.

So this morning he says to me, I just got my last check from xxxxx (the place he got laid off from), it’s nice he says to have 800.00 dollars and not have anything to do with it. WTF, wow he has money to spend????? So I say, well you could go get a lawyer and file for custody of xxxxxx, and he says, “I haven’t decided about that yet!”

So What, I’m speculating here but because we’re supposed to be helping him out he assumes that we will get going on that to-do list of his neglected responsibility’s so he can free himself up to get on with his life.

I guess we’re supposed to come up with the money to hire a lawyer for him to get custody of his child, finalize the divorce and get that bankruptcy taken care of and if you wouldn’t mind I need you to buy those tools I need for school and I’ll just ‘borrowing’ your car for the next two to three years until I get on my feet again.

Just like his sister, they’re both so busy figuring things out, like who’s job is to take care of these responsibilities because they’re very busy with their lives and because you’re the responsible adults I’ll just come to you, leave in itemized list of things I don’t have the time and money for and wait for you to get this mess taken care of.

All I can think of is that I want all this bullshit and insanity out of my house. I can’t help you out because you won’t accept responsibility for the consequences of your actions, grow the **** up and make the changes in yourself and you way of thinking that so desperately need made and get to work on this stuff, you’re just sitting on your hands waiting for someone to take care of it, and wondering why it’s taking so long because you want to get back on the road and race to the scene of your next life crisis.

Thanx for the laugh.

Some only pretend they just can't get it. Out of human decency the rest of us tolerate their nonsense thinking we are helping. All along they are laughing at us.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lyv5ciW2zt0&feature=related

I feel stupid for going to work everyday and supporting myself.

I think they have it figured out and are laughing at me.

I am stupid, I should just wait around for the government and my family to take care of me, pay my bills, support me, buy my groceries and pay my bills. If I do work all that money is my spending money.

As a fellow stepmother to alienated, immature adult kids, I feel your pain. My husband's kids don't talk to us right now... and sometimes, I think that's a blessing.

No one really listens to anyone else, and if you try it for a while you'll see why.
- Mignon McLaughlin

to get back on his feet and take care of his own responsibilities, you are just enabling him.

I think it's time to read him the riot act or boot him. Sure, you could try to "take over", but that would YOU be assuming responsibility and all the stress. Maybe he could get some kind of financial counseling.

I watch a cool show called "Till Debt do us Part" on msnbc sometimes. Gail Van Oxlade (sp?) is the host, and she does a kind of "tough love" financial makeovers with people in deep financial doo doo. She has a website, too. Dave Ramsey is another good one. It's all about getting real with the numbers: you either have to spend less or make more to make things work financially. Debt is not an option.

My experience (speaking from watching older siblings mooch off my parents for YEARS), is that when parents support or bail their kids out, the kids become dependent and suck the parents dry. AND it poisons the relationship with resentments and boundary violations.

What a *Dallas* like soap opera you live. All the twists and turns. You often wonder how the children and step children have managed to survive on the planet for so long.

The only thing I can suggest is you take them aside individually and explain that this is not how normal people live. Give them advice on discipline to work, controling habits, budgeting finances etc. Offer to give them guidance and councilling on all these subjects, but definitely no money.

If they follow your advice consistantly, then you can step up your assistance. Good luck.

JB

Kill them. Kill them all.

Timothy

do a lot of today's young adults seem like 13 year olds in 30 year old bodies? Or maybe I'm just running with a crowd of people who have adult kids who think the world owes them.

I know not everybody is like this... it just seems like it lately.

The problem with today's society is many want to mooch off society as long as they can. They expect a handout and that is the mentality. when I was a ward clerk, people would hop from ward to ward and mooch for their sustainment and food until the bishop got tired. Then they would move to another ward and repeat.

I read an article a month ago stating the Millienals (18-25 year olds) are considered the most entitled and spoiled generation.

Well... it does seem to me that our society has changed a lot over the past 20 years. I think teens today are a lot more overprotected than they were when I was growing up. Of course, now parents get 24/7 access to the news, which they didn't back in the 80s. But it seems like today's young people are coddled more than they were years ago.

I think divorce plays into the perpetual childhood dynamic, too... not in every family, but in those where the child's opinions are overvalued by a guilty parent. The child grows up thinking he or she has the right to pull the guilt card, just like the OP's daughter does. Too often, I think a lot of parents (usually the dads) go along with it because they feel guilty about getting divorced. Seems like an awful lot of people don't want to take any responsibility for themselves or accept accountability.

So.....either it's getting worse, or it is the same for every young generation, and that's just the way people have felt about the young generation for a long time.

If it's getting worse, it begs the question...who taught them that way?

Good point...

Again, maybe it just seems like things are different because we watch the news 24/7 and surf the Internet. I know twenty years ago, I wasn't sitting in front of a computer chatting with people from all over the world. If I had been in my 30s back then, I would have been getting these stories from people telling me in person or by reading articles in magazines or newspapers.

I know people in Generation X (my generation) pulled the guilt card, too. But I guess we just didn't hear as many anecdotes about it back then, except maybe on daytime television.

I do think that parents today are a lot more cautious/protective than they used to be. And I know that Gen X'ers parents were more protective than parents in previous generations were.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/19/2011 12:59PM by knotheadusc.

It really helps to get it out of my system.

I know, it’s like they're adolescents and don't even want to grow up.

He did come to his senses and gave us some money to put back for him until he decides which thing to pay 1st.

I don't mind helping him out, but he has to do his part.

...that they're probably pretending to understand and agree because it's the fastest way to end the unsolicited lecture.

Another thing I noticed is whenever I call him on something he "was just about to do that" or "yea! I though of that and was going to do that".

He's very good at fielding us. My husband says "their mother taught them well, how to lie and manipulate" and they have the advantage, they know me very well too.

Well, I say, they're gona get to know me and they won't like it. He'll find out what it's like to have a real mom. He's gona hear the truth and get his ass in gear or out.

My kids just roll their eyes, they're not buying it.

He said to them over Christmas, you're mom's not censoring herself around me anymore. That’s right dim wit, I can’t afford to sugar coat this for you!

Go ahead, let him manipulate and use you, but it won't end well for either of you. Better to read him the law now and pull out the big guns.

"My pappy was a pistol and I'm a sun of a gun." Roger Miller