I need help. Long story short. My DH grew up Mormon. Church every Sunday, family home evening, Eagle Scout etc...at 17 he decided he'd had enough and left the church. We met when we were 22. I was NOT raised LDS. My parents were open minded about religion, but I had heard Mormonism was weird and "bad". Anyway we met, had a baby, got married (in that order) and never went to any church. When our son was 2 he decided our son needed some religious background and he was only comfortable with the Mormon church. I being clueless and open minded agreed to TRY. It seemed ok. They seemed Christian. Not too different. Nothing gave me the willies. I went for 2 years, but was never really active. I drank my coffee and occasional wine and never wore garments or went to the temple. I should note, my DH has never been to the temple either. He has never gotten that far because I refused to allow him to tithe. Our son is now 8 and DH is on the fence. He feels extreme guilt if he doesn't attend church, but I'm trying very hard to get him out of this CULT and to save him from this evil "religion". After 2 years in the church I had never heard of the truth. I found out this year the real truth of the church. Kolob, that god was a man, that we too can become Gods, I found out what they do in the temple and I found out about the Jesus mall where the tithing funds go...I'm angry. The church lied to me to get me to join. I never would have joined had they said that God was a man, that we can become Gods etc...I refuse to allow my son to be baptized and I want my DH OUT! But he spews the propaganda at me and he's still got one foot in. Now my DH is a very smart, realistic guy. But he was brainwashed since childhood and I don't know what to do to get him to see the light.

Is he into reading? If he's open minded and just hasn't encountered the right information yet, he should study up on mormonthink.com. Or the book that really put the last nail in the coffin for me was Grant Palmer's book, An insider's view of mormon origins.

If he's willing to research it and keep and open mind, apostasy should be an easy sell. Best of luck to you!

This ^

Same.

Don't push your husband or you can easily make it a control issue. It would be helpful if he can begin to question why his takeaway from the Mormon upbringing is guilt rather than joy.

And does he want his son to feel guilty too?

They start early making children worry about what they need to "do" to avoid being separated from God and their family.

Does he want his son quizzed about masturbation and made to feel that normal sexual exploration of his own body makes him completely unacceptable to God?

Does he want to raise his son so he will never feel good enough?

And does he want him to risk his life and mental health by feeling like "less than" unless he goes on a mission?

The most important thing going forward is that you both agree that you want your son to lead his own life and make his own decisions about college, the military, marriage, etc, WITHOUT church-sponsored peer pressures of an outside church corporation placing their needs before his.

Good luck and keep us posted.

Anagrammy

Sorry you are dealing with this.

The good news: There is plenty of good information out there, as you have found.

The bad news: People in the cult have to want to look into it, and I am unaware of any way to force anyone--even a spouse--to do that.

Sounds to me like your DH is now wanting to pattern his son's life with what he grew up with. That's very common, and it runs very deep with people.

Short of laying down an ultimatum (something that I've seldom seen be productive), I can't suggest a way that you can force him to "see the light."

Sorry.

The Book of Abraham was one of the biggest deal-killers for me.

The whole time I was growing up as a TBM, I always had that thought that if we could just actually SEE the gold plates, or perhaps some of the other artifacts, that it would conclusively prove that TSCC was true.

When I first learned about what the BoA was supposedly translated from, it excited me that we have actual evidence that wasn't taken back by an angel, only to later learn that the papyrus was burned in a Chicago fire. I was devastated.

It wasn't until last year that I found out that, in fact, the church has had the papyrus back in its possession since the late 60's. I was flabbergasted that they hadn't been parading it around as proof of the church's truthfulness, because now we had the originals.

Then when I discovered that it had been discredited by several Egyptologists, it was pretty hard evidence that it wasn't true, and that JS couldn't really translate.

Then it hit me that they have been trying to keep this under wraps for fear of the members finding out, and that they only reason they would do that is to keep them coming to church.

This is solid evidence to me.

Sounds like you are in a good position. If you have kept the DH from paying tithing and attending the Temple then there is hope. The DH definitely has issues with the church but family pressure and guilt are keeping him attached.

Go slow. Love him and show it. Talk him into other things to do on Sunday. If you show him something about the church that is not flattering to the church do it as a question.


Some spouses can take years to de-convert but it's worth the wait if you both are dedicated to each other.

Definitely recommend mormonthink.com. Ran by mormons to inform mormons.
Grant Palmers book is very good also.

Thank you all! Great ideas! I have hope. When he found out about that mall, I could tell he was upset and he had no answer for why it was ok for tithing to be used to build a mall. I'm very dedicated to him. I think he knows TSCC is built on lies, but the rituals and the childhood memories and the fact that his father is a member, make him question himself. I'm a truth seeker. I don't want to feel comfortable with lies, I'd rather feel uncomfortable with the truth...I'm just a very honest person. That's why I'd never tried to get a temple recommend. But apparently a lot of people were doing what I was and just lying. The part I'm really angry about is how I was lied to. My mom told me that they believed in getting a planet/universe and becoming gods and I told her that was lies! The truth is I have no clue what the church really does stand for because I was never a full fledged member because I didn't tithe, but I had no idea! I thought I was a real member. Ha! Any church that lies or omits things has a lot to hide.

Don't feel bad that you didn't learn the truth right away.
It took me 56 years.

For most of my life the church did a pretty good job of hiding it's history. They kept members so busy, and so brainwashed that most of didn't, and still don't question anything. In fact, if you're questioning they will shut you down if they can.

Then the internet came along. YAY!

My whole family left together.

I have also learned and will also read the information. Please do NOT take offense, but I am going to pray that your husband will see the light as you do. Think of it as me just thinking of you and wishing you great wishes, because I am also doing that. :) (I am not Mormon. I just have a relationship with Jesus. No religion).

I take the perspective that when raised LDS, it's part of who they are on some level, and children will bring up a lot of unresolved issues that need to be respected.

My view? Respect his right and honor his religion on any level you can in a positive manner. Exactly what you would want done for you. Refrain from finding fault and trying to change his beliefs. Love him unconditionally. If he changes his beliefs, he will, on his own.

I was a convert, married an BIC, RM in the temple and raised a family in the LDS Church. Little by little some of us eventually left, but not my husband. I respected and honored his every wish regarding his LDS funeral and cemetery service, each of the family participating in some way: children and grand children. It was the man that was honored, not religion.

I've written and shared a lot on how we made it work for so long. A major agreement: "agree to disagree" and put the relationship first. It was about the old adage: love is something you do.

Every situation is different. We were a little older, no children in the home, and he had some health issues and recently passed away in January 2013 after over 50 years of marriage.

One of the things that I never completely "got" was not to try to change little somethings about my spouse! :-) I was still trying to "tweek" something, which he, as an engineer, called "pinging" on him!

Probably the greatest connective power in a relationship is a healthy sense of humor, always devoid of bitterness, and resentment.

Now... my advice, you figure out what you want most and work it out by negotiation and compromise if you want to save your marriage and give your child two parents living in harmony in the same home.



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 05/21/2013 02:47PM by SusieQ#1.

if you want to have fun; After you reserch mormonthink,BOM & DNA, BoA.the jesus mall Look up the willard Case affidavith! And mormonism unvieled. Its got the statments about the rock in the hat. Jo Smith saying he could walk on water and many other laughable things. After that You'll wonder why any body followed these guys!