Posted by:
vulturetamer
(
)
Date: June 09, 2013 03:59AM
It took me about six months to finally get around to writing this sucker. The SP hounded me via text like crazy, and I finally flat out told him I was having a difficult time writing it.
He told me I could basically take all the time I needed, but that he was done waiting for me, and that it was "unfair" to make my ex wait to be sealed to his new wife, so if I didn't get it to him, then oh well. So I finally just bore down and finished the da** thing.
He had requested info about financial obligations, and also my "feelings" about the impending sealing.
And I told him everything. Everything, including dates and informaton that I know, without a doubt that my ex has kept hidden.
Bottom line is this: my ex held me out in front, with my sins, as a not-so-shining-example for all the world to see (I cheated, and I admit that, and it was a mistake. I have never hidden from that fact, and I live the regret and guilt every day!).
However, my ex also exercised quite a few liberties with regard to the very, very, very cusp of "sin"........getting involved with/chatting on the phone and visiting her/dating on weekends he didn't have our kids (all big no-no's in the tscc if you are still legally married!) with his new lady. He told me *I* had to leave the house, and threatened to tell our kids everything if I didn't.....
And not three weeks later he told me he was "talking" to this woman. Anyway, there is a timeline of sordid details, that I would have no way of knowing except that HE had loose lips with ME during our separation and I was smart enough to remember what he said. I was shocked at the time, but of course, was feeling so horrible about my own sins, I bought into the same rationale that he was, and he eve said to me when I did question him: what you did was WORSE! So I figured he was off the hook for anything, as long as he hadn't done what I did.
So, I finally got it all off of my chest, the entire timeline, the details, the stuff he said to me, and I was afraid to send it to the SP. But I did it anyway.
And I felt like the weight I have been carrying for more than four years, lifted off my shoulders. I told the truth. And honestly, felt like I could make my peace with the Mormon church because I had finally been given a chance to tell my side of things.
And guessssss what? Facebook. Yep. Facebook status of my future "sister wife" (we do have some mutual "friends" apparently) says that she is so shocked and appalled at the "lies that people will make up and tell, to make others look bad in order to prevent them from obtaining something they so desperately want!".
Super awesome, right? Ugh. So yeah, mix in a bitter sibling of my own, and you've got a full-blown hate fest in her comments section, basically trying to call me out as a liar.
Well, I've got one thing on my side: the truth. I guess the problem then is, even having truth in my hand, I likely don't have any credibility with tscc because I cheated.
I've owned my shiz. And everyone knows it. It was public, and messy, and extremely ugly. But one of the silver linings that I've found, is that I have nothing to hide.
And this is a rude awakening for her, because I have a feeling she may not have known he had been sharing information about their relationship at the time.
At any rate, I feel peace because I had a voice. If tscc decides to clear the way for them, then I'm good. But I'm pretty sure I could not have kept eating shi* and swallowing it. Believe it or not, I'm glad the SP gave me a chance to write the letter. It relieved me of quite a few bitter feelings toward tscc. (Don't worry......I'm not going anywhere!). ;)
And I hope you guys don't think less of me.....I think I've been pretty open here, its no secret of my own past. I don't condone what I did, that's for sure. And I don't wish the journey afterwards on anyone.
(Thanks for listening, I'm probably just venting, because I promised myself I would not call my mother to talk about church *anything* ever again.......)