Posted by:
Tevai
(
)
Date: July 26, 2013 05:35PM
laytonguy Wrote:
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> ...but I do think that a one time roll in
> the hay SHOULD be part of the dating / getting to
> know you phase.
I agree with your thinking, but I disagree with the "one time" specific. That may be "enough" for a male (I don't know; I guess it depends on the male), but it most absolutely is NOT "enough" for a female, especially if it is her FIRST time. From a female viewpoint, and (I think) most of the time, "the" first time is awkward, and scary, and just not conducive in any way to a good SEXUAL experience. Mostly (if I, as an individual female, am any representative of females at large in this), you're worried about what your partner is thinking...not what you are FEELING except when it's painful (and especially if no one told you about the real need for lubrication of some kind with first experiences which include condoms!).
And for me, personally and lifelong, I'm just not "me" on first times with ANYONE. Took me a lot of years and experience to realize why, but I think I know: When I am having sex/making love with someone for the first time, I am reflexively focused on THEM, and how THEY are responding. I need to get a "read" on them, and once I have that, then I am able to be "myself." The person I am, in any "first time" experience, bears no relationship whatever to the person I am with subsequent experiences with that same person, and this is just the way I am wired. I now accept it as being a valid part of "me."
In my opinion, it is important to have not only that "one time," but a bunch of other times as well, so that both people can relax into their "real" (not "dating") selves and actually, truly, get to know each other and are able to determine whether they are a good match for each other.
It does take at least some period of time to do this.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/26/2013 05:36PM by tevai.