Posted by:
Joy
(
)
Date: July 27, 2013 03:36PM
There are some very wise people on this thread! I agree that time helps, and also not seeing the person helps.
Perhaps it would help you to let go, if you realize that this person was pretending to be someone else, and you fell in love with something fake. (Like the Mormon church.) The persona you loved did not exist.
Before you make any drastic changes, maybe you need to find out more about your ex. Even hire a detective, if you must. I was in deep despair at the loss of my husband for 15 years, and I was especially upset about my poor children. He completely abandoned us--suddenly--and made it clear to me that he didn't care to see the children at all. He said, "I don't want a family, anymore." I became very busy and obsessed with raising my children alone, so my heart and mind were immediately elsewhere. Honestly, I missed our dreams, and the life we had shared--more than I missed my husband as a person.
When I found out that he had immediately moved in with a woman, and that he had been having an affair with her for two years, I felt it was my fault. He had fallen in love with someone else. Maybe I hadn't given him enough attention. Maybe if I had been more strict with him, more like a mother to him.... I was stuck in my own self-blame. What got me out of this rut was MORE INFORMATION. I discovered that my husband had had countless affairs all our married life. I even talked to some of the women, because they were neighbors and clients that I knew, and they admitted the truth. His first affair began one month after we were married. He was a serial cheater, and preyed on the weak. He was mostly interested in the chase, the seduction, and not in having a relationship. He was incapable of love, as most Narcissists are.
Maybe your "cure" is to look deeper into this person who betrayed you. Perhaps write down the details of his betrayal(s), to make yourself understand that his actions were real. Have a good cry--not for the love that is gone, but for how deluded you were. The truth is, that love is not gone: it is in YOU. It is the love you give that is more important than the love you receive. Keep on giving love, but to the right people. Give it to your family, to children, to charities, to animals and the planet. I like to give it anonymously. That way, I don't expect anything back.
I don't know you or your ex, but any creature that causes you so much pain, needs to be kept out of your life.