It's been a long time. It's good to see me isn't it? ;) I realize it's been months since I've checked in here, and for that I apologize. I have missed you all very much. Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to check in with me on Facebook and such. It has really meant a lot to me. It's been a crazy, terrifying, emotional rollercoaster the past six months, and I'm still riding the hills an
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Hey kids. I just wanted to stop by and let anyone who may be wondering that I'm still alive and somewhat kicking. Since I lost my job in December, I have gone through one of the worst spiraling bouts of depression I have ever experienced in my life. A lot of it is situational and due to things that are out of my control, but I am working so hard to pull myself out of the pit that I'm in. I ju
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Things are slightly scary at the moment...I'm writing this on my phone from the ICU waiting room. They started the dialysis on my dad about an hour ago, and are having to give him epinephrine to keep his blood pressure up and the epi threw him into a panic attack that rivals some of the worst I've ever had-- those that have landed me in the hospital myself. He is so scared and can't breathe and i
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...but I periodically go to a shooting range and fire at paper targets. Helps work out a lot of my aggression. But then, there's the whole debate about gun control and all that which I don't really want to get into. Just a suggestion.
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...benzodiazepines such as Xanax (which I take for anxiety, but only when I really need them), Valium, Ativan or Klonopin. Although these drugs can be pretty addictive if taken regularly, they can really help out during out of control panic attacks. Xanax has been a savior for me during the seizure-like panic attacks I get every now and then. Just a thought.
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I wouldn't want it to end up on the shelf next to "Jay's Journal" or "Go Ask Alice", or something like that. A lot of it will depend on where the story goes, which at this point I'm not 100% sure.
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The end comes with a flash. Each time, it begins with the flash. Always the flash. That almost sickening, slick, yet oily, seductive, and resplendent light whose life span is encompassed in only fractions of a second, but is blindingly and blissfully eternal. Sometimes I think I won’t be able to stand it- the brightness, the magnificent mesh of different shades of white and yellow, with traces
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This book is about a young gay high school student living in Utah, who is the victim of vicious and horrific bullying and ends up committing suicide. This sounds odd, but he came through me yesterday, and his story needs to be told. I wrote the first chapter yesterday, and it's frightening, intense and scared the shit out of me as I was writing it. I'm shooting off an email to Susan I/S t
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The book I'm writing is an expansion of my exit story, plus a whole bunch of random thoughts and observations about life. I'll let you guys know when it's all finished.
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I'm trying this new thing where I'm really trying not to be as pessimistic as I normally would be. It's kind of paying off in a lot of ways...not the job thing quite yet, but a lot of things in my life are falling into place, which is kind of cool. I'm working on my book, and it's flowing really nicely. Can't wait to have the finished product and maybe shop it around to some publishers.
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Haven't realized how long it's been since I dropped by. How are y'all?
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Also one of the adjustments in my thinking patterns that I'm trying to make is instead of feeling this smug sense of entitlement that things should just land in my lap without any work on my part, I have to actually GO AFTER the things I want, and make them happen. A very wise sex therapist once said (and I'm paraphrasing here), "During sex, everyone is ultimately responsible for their ow
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Even though I'm happily hitched, it'd be nice to get a little male attention every now and again :) Alas, my looks seem to be becoming more and more average and unnoticeable. Oh well. At least I have a nice penis-- of that I can always be proud. ;)
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Sorry I've been so absent lately; I've been doing an incredible amount of job searching the past couple weeks, working my gay little ass off in school (currently on a 2 week holiday break from school, WOO HOO!), and taking some much needed time for myself and getting some R&R between looking for jobs and accomplishing other myriad menial tasks around the house. I'm also getting an enormou
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This season has been AMAZING! DH and I are re-watching the entire series right now, start to finish.
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The Satanic Bible by Anton Szandor LaVey; the founder of the Church of Satan. I always remember seeing that book at Barnes & Noble as a TBM teenager and being so scared of going anywhere near it, but as an exmo adult, reading it was really quite fascinating. Satanists have some really interesting beliefs- they don't worship Satan- they are humanists for the most part. I don't agree with a
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Given how incredibly boring the bible is (in my not-so-humble opinion), Revelation really is kind of a kickass book in its own way. Considering that I think the Bible is nothing more than a collection of allegories (sp?), Revelation is pretty creepy if it's read entirely in the context of fiction. The symbolism is like some really fucked up acid trip. Anyone know of a good book (preferably no
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I've been watching you blossom into being yourself both here and on Facebook and it really is a joy for me getting the updates you post about finding out who you really are. It's scary, but amazingly freeing! Change can be terrifying but things will fall into place the way they are supposed to, and you are on the road to becoming a much happier and fulfilled person.
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Hi kiddies. Just popping in to say hello since it's been awhile. Been busy trying to find a new job. I have an interview this coming Monday morning at a company that I would love to work for that is a competitor of the company I just left. The prospects look very promising considering how quickly they've moved through the steps to get me an interview. I'm not hanging my hat on it but I'm extr
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Jesus H. Mary Christing Joseph Pontius Pilate at the Last Goddamn Supper...y'all must be really sick of hearing about all the shit that goes on in my life, but I really do appreciate the support. Today was my last day at work. The good news is, they offered me a fairly decent severance package which buys me some time to find a job without worrying that we're going to lose the house or not be a
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Getting laid off on Monday. 100% sure. Just thought I'd share. Getting a small severance, but pretty scared about finding another job before it runs out. That's all.
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In short, I'm going through some very rough things in my life right now, and through it all, I have received TREMENDOUS amounts of support from a lot of people here. I want you all to know that I consider you my second family, and I feel so incredibly lucky to be part of this crazy, dysfunctional, unique, wonderful, hilarious, sensitive, and downright fucking awesome group of people. I lo
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This scenario certainly doesn't work for everyone but I have friends (a man and woman married to each other for over 10 years). They are very free-spirited and open minded, and have quite the unique marriage. A couple years ago, the husband came out as gay, EXCEPT for his wife. They have a healthy sex life, but he is allowed to have "extracurricular" activities with men outside the marr
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I assume your ex is old enough to know better, and if he can't control his online sexual urges long enough to wait until he gets his tablet, that's a huge problem. I wish there was something I could do to help. I could bring over a couple bottles of wine! :) Oh and by the way... do you have any other kids?
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...the online gay bathhouse. DH and I used to have a profile there, and believe me, it's not a dating site (mostly)...it's strictly a hookup site. Just so's you know.
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