It's good that you have people in your life who can point out when you are thinking 'mormon-brained'. That's funny. It's so hard to see your own messed up thinking. I'm lucky to have someone in my life who will interrupt me and point out when I slip into patterns of irrational self-criticism.
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I'd be kind of interested if you ever come across links to the research you read, or similar information. Music affects us on many levels, and when you combine words with it, the words sink deeper. Your post makes me think about the power of making a personal soundtrack. I'd love to make an energy-packed soundtrack for exercise and housework. And another for calm and peace. Etc.
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When I was at BYU, I was as brainwashed as TBMs come. But I usually didn't attend devotionals. I had schoolwork to do, and I enjoyed it when lots of people left for the devotional and I had the space to myself. Frankly, I also hated walking all the way over to the Marriott Center, usually in the cold, to go down the steep stairs, and sit in the uncomfortable seats. Maybe I didn't admit it,
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That's funny! It just goes to show how innocent the workers were that they didn't recognize it. Or maybe they had a good laugh over it. My daughter once bought an awful set of white loafers with gold trim around the bottom. Turns out they were worth a lot of money. Another time we bought a lovely, finely made formal for a school dance. You never know what you'll find.
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Woo Hoo! People are finally breaking free! I'm just hoping for a tipping point where enough people have left that those who WANT to leave won't be afraid of being ostracized anymore. Because there will be plenty of other good company to hang out with. There are so many closeted unbelievers, and so many who don't dare explore their doubts because of the social costs.
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Great ideas! Kind of like a healthier version of Packard's suggestion to sing a hymn when bad thoughts are creeping in. He didn't that Mormonism promoted bad thoughts.
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It takes time. I read your other post that sounded like some PTSD or panic attacks going on. I didn't respond there, because it's out of my depth. I think it takes special techniques and sometimes medication to help. But I know people who have overcome it. I remember reading some posts on it where people said to focus just on one thing when an attack is coming on. Hang in there! It gets be
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Aw, thanks for the compliment! I'm sorry for what you've been through. How damaging to a grow up with the mixed messages of being one of God's chosen generation, but also never being enough, no matter how hard we try. It primes people to accept blame and abuse. Interesting what you said about the Masters degree. Been there, done that, and sometimes I still feel like an imposter in my field.
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One of the most difficult parts of leaving the church is to overcome the automatic emotional responses that have been trained in over the years. It's one thing to study and come to the intellectual conclusion that the church isn't true. That realization can happen almost in an instant. But intellectual knowledge doesn't remove the automatic emotional responses that have been trained in over th
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At what point in your life will you care more about what you want than about what other people want? I know it's hard to disappoint others. But they'll get over it. It's much harder to get over personal regret for not living the life you wanted to live. Like another poster mentioned, sometimes you do have to bide your time and work your way out when the time is right. But my opinion, after
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I wouldn't trust that worker. They've been rude to your father, now they are acting syrupy, but only because they were called out on it. That's not genuine kindness, and I'd pay attention to how it seems (are they quietly seething with resentment?). And then trying to make you look like a racist? This is not a person I would want to trust to care for someone in my family.
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You summed Mormonism up perfectly "This religion... the way it places itself at the center of all things in your life... It's like a heavy tax on life itself". Your friend, or even your friend's doctor needs to set firm boundaries with his family and tell them that while he is in treatment, they are to say NOTHING negative or manipulative to him about church. That is toxic stuff. The
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"Prayerful consideration", eh? Since he's publicly implying that God inspired his choice, that should make it awkward for him to change his mind (as politicians do FAR too often). I just want to get it out there that it REALLY annoys me when people announce they have prayerfully considered anything. I don't care if they consulted their God. And by mentioning it, they come off as e
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In NYC I loved: Our Grayline bus tour. We had a great tour guide from Brooklyn who really educated us about the city, the different boroughs, and gave us a preview of places we wanted to go back and see later. I loved the cathedrals, the Met museum, the NYC city library. Went to see Wicked (great). Also visited Battery Park, Central Park, Ellis Island, did some shopping with my family.
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"I'd say the poster went to great lengths to indicate that he or she did not own Pat and did not see this person as his or her possession. I did not see possessiveness as being the issue, or even trust necessarily as being the issue. The greater issue is that you feel a certain way, and your significant other invalidated those feelings by arguing with you and making accusations of mistrus
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Just for kicks, I decided to come up with a more direct and age-appropriate invitation to those same events you listed: *****Your post: "Before General Conference my wife was given an envelope decorated like a top secret CIA dossier. Her "mission" was to uncover all the important teachings from the General Authorities." My version: "Let's rehash the same things w
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Yeah.
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It always amazes me that Mormons think it's acceptable to summon someone to an interview or meeting, and not even tell them what it's about. It shows they think that they have some kind of authority over you, which they don't. It's even weirder in your case, because you weren't even attending the ward. And (unlike most Mormons) you specifically asked what it was about and they wouldn't tell yo
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Yes, much less. Our most generous cash gift at our wedding (in the 90s) was $50, I think. Even with inflation, nowhere near the average cited in that article. But we didn't serve dinner at our wedding, didn't know many of the guests (ward members), and perhaps the church gym wasn't the classiest party.
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It's like a bad advertising campaign.
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I can't claim credit ;). I've read that mental health professionals use 'bubbles' to survive their profession. Sometimes I feel like exmos need to take our cues from mental health professionals when dealing with the crazy we have to deal with.
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Yep. People who ask you to explain why you left just don't get that leaving Mormonism is a perfectly normal and healthy thing to do. They are still under the spell of ignorance and manipulation, and most are incapable of understanding, and even less capable of respecting your reasons. It's usually better not embroil yourself in any discussion of it. But back to your point: it's not thei
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I like that advice on getting work experience first. You can take care of your physical needs and be self-sufficient, gain confidence, and find out where you want to be. Also, you've been through a lot emotionally with leaving the church, going to BYUI, and family drama. I think you'd benefit by focusing on getting to a good place emotionally and just learning to live. I don't say that bit
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I'd be inclined to pay attention to your subject line: you think you are being scammed. That says it all. I've had a lot of body work done (massage therapy, pt, and chiropractic). I've only had two chiropractors that actually helped me, and they were wonderful. The others either didn't help, or made things worse. Hint: the good ones don't force, twist, or jerk me around. Good massage thera
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I like it! I think HF must have blocked my emails, or sent them straight to the spam folder, because I was contacting him multiple times in one day. I think maybe HF should take a hint from facebook, and let people set up petitions to get his attention. If your request gets 50,000 signatures, then he'll consider your cause.
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This! Why should you be expected to take that kind of verbal abuse and NOT lose your shit over it? As long as you weren't throwing dishes or waving guns, I think it's healthy for your kids to see you get mad when you are mistreated. Let me tell you from my experience, that I have a tendency to not speak up and stuff negative feelings. Then they build up until there is a relationship-damagin
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I have no personal knowledge of church leaders, or if they are experiencing cognitive dissonance. However, they MUST know of the historical and problems in the B of M and B of A that we know of. And I'd venture to guess that they know that God isn't speaking to them, and telling them how to resolve these problems. Judging from my own experience with unanswered prayers, I'd guess that some o
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Hmm. But they can still afford to build a mall, a housing development in Florida and hold real estate all over the world. Seems like they could manage their money better. Maybe they could take out a loan from the business arm of the church.
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I'm so sorry it came down to this. No wonder you are so angry at the church. They screwed you, AND your wife. She just doesn't realize it yet.
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I'm sorry about your friend. I don't know what it is about the Mormons, that they just can't accept when someone leaves the church. Several years back, I attended the funeral of one of my former YW leaders, who had left the church. In a break with typical LDS tradition, they had an open mic time at the end of the service, where people could get up and say something about the deceased. Some
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