When throwing out a piece of paper, we were not allowed to crumple it up and toss it in the trash can. This caused too much noise.

To properly dispose of a piece of paper, we were required to fold it in quarters and place it gently in the trash can.


We were not allowed to use an entire paper napkin and spent hours cutting them in half to achieve twice the amount of napkin product.



Next....

Because glasses made me ugly and my mother couldn't stand looking at me when I wore them.

...that I needed glasses, or at least an eye exam. They were tossed in the trash. I was ugly enough without them!

We could not have an open umbrella in the house as that would bring bad luck.

If we had warts, my Mom would cut a potato in half, rub it on the wart, and then we were to bury said potato in the back yard, and......the wart would only disappear if the potato was buried in the back yard!!! (I guess, you could say this worked as eventually all warts disappear).

My Mom was not active in the Mormoney church when I was growing up, but she used to be. She had separated from my alcoholic dad and she hated not having a spouse to go places with and she absolutely positively did not go to places like church or school functions alone. And that rule was passed on quietly to us kids. We knew by her looks that we had broke an important rule and "What would people think?"

White shoes or skirts or pants were summer attire, not fall and certainly not winter.

Sweet Maria! That's bad!

I had a friend who was one of 7 kids. Their family rules were: if it's yellow let it mellow, if it's brown flush it down and only 1 square of toilet paper.

Gasp! I can't believe you didn't have to RECYCLE the carefully-folded sheets of paper.

I'm not mocking recycling. It's a household rule I impose on myself :-)

Glasses...aww my precious little girl wears glasses and looks so much cuter without them. But I wouldn't dare break her heart by telling her she looks ugly with them. So sorry your mom did that to you, Doxi.

I was only allowed to close my bedroom door briefly while I changed clothes. If I slouched my mother put a wire hanger down the back of my shirt.

What is it about mormons and privacy? Same rule for me, plus the ever present threat that the door would be removed entirely if I continued to object.
Add mirrors slid under doors to spy when I was in the bath, eavesdropping to try to hear what I was doing, etc, etc...

Children cannot speak to each other without permission.

Children must wash the walls every Saturday.

When I turned 18 I was told I had to work and turn my wages over to the family for 18 years to pay them back. ....I left instead.

OMG...So basically they saw you as an indentured servant?!?

And yeah, I had a crappy, abusive childhood, but at least I was allowed to close my bedroom and lock the bathroom door!

Yeah, what was with that wall washing BS? My mother would hysterically sentence the kids to wall washing whenever there were squabbles and we weren't living up to a "Love At Home" standard. Since then, I've never washed a wall. I'll paint one, but not wash one. The association is just too disturbing.

This wasn't my household rule but a few years ago I took that lame marriage and family class at church. Anyway there was a couple in there that and the husband was just an absolute tool and very much the dictator type. They had 8 kids and it was pretty apparent that they couldn't afford even half that many.

I guess his oldest newly married son had brought his new wife to his parents for dinner for the first time. The parents (the ones telling the story) threw a fit that he had forgot to bring a food dish along with him. So a new rule was made that "if you want to join the family for dinner... you need to bring a food dish along". Let me tell you that I THANK MY LUCKY STARS that I wasn't born into that family. Just for the simple reason that my family could afford to feed me and that my parents were just simply happy to have me over for a meal- no questions asked.

Releve, my guess is that your room really didn't feel like YOUR room at all, I am sorry that you were treated like that, and I can relate because when I finally had a room of my own, I became quickly aware that my Mom had been in my room snooping and reading letters I received from a boyfriend. If I had thought of it then, I should have told her that since she was sharing the room with me, she should help clean it.

Doxi, I am sorry your Mom treated you like that about your wearing glasses. How awful.

Another household rule we had that I wanted to mention, but forgot to add, was that bringing up the past and asking questions was a BIG "no-no". The reason? The past was over and gone. Just what good could come from bringing it up? when I was going to counseling (which was another thing you did not do), I attempted to bring up the past in order to understand my life more. My Mom's lips were sealed, so I just attempted to find other sources. She was mad, mad, mad. How dare I go behind her back. Well, I was not going behind her back because I told her who I was talking to. Yada Yada Yada.

Let me see, where to begin.

All church meetings were to be attended or you couldn't go on the date you'd had planned for weeks. You're sick? No matter. The date is off.

They tried the no dating anyone except mormons until they realized there were none. The few that existed were worse than the non mo's. They must have been extremely bad for my mother to realize this. Not only that, my father was a convert so that rule just didn't fly.

No make up,nail polish, pantyhose, or anything was remotely up to date. The only way that was possible is if you paid for it yourself. I babysat a lot for 50¢ an hour. This is when I began to realize I didn't want more than 2 kids of my own. I would have rather cleaned peoples houses than take care of their kids.

All and I mean all church meetings were required no matter what.
No skirts that didn't come to the bottom of your knee.

All of the rest of the rules were random. I never knew what rule would pop up when. There was no rhyme or reason in our house. I suspect my mother was ADD. She was unorganized in every way.

There were a lot of stupid rules I can't remember. They came and went. The number one rule was to be 100% Mormon at all times. Whatever that meant. It was a crazy house that was full of anger, resentment, criticism, ridicule, and crazy making. By the time I was 14 I was having thoughts of suicide. Living there literally drove me nuts. I left when I was 17. I married when I was 18. I divorced when I was 20. What a surprise.

The question isn't why, but why not. I'm amazed I survived that crazy house.

Reading other posts brought some things back to my memory. I usually try not to think of my first 17 years.

There was no talking about the past. Any type of psychology or mental help was not allowed to be talked about. My parents seldom if ever talked about their past. They presented themselves as icons of perfection, and you'd best not question it.

Food and clothing were at a premium. There was never enough, and it was usually not very good quality. I don't know what would have happened it it was mentioned, no one dared do that. It didn't matter what your needs were, no talking about that.

Privacy was not something you were going to have as long as you were a part of that family. Your room? It wasn't yours. My mother went over every square inch. She would still do that if she were allowed in my home. She's been banned for 20 years.

No talking about anything that was emotional or mental. Period.
No asking about parents childhoods. Period.
No asking about Mormon members of family. Period.

If you had the nerve to ask questions, you were either shut down or lied to. Sound familiar???

The Mormon church was true. Period.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 09/12/2013 01:52AM by Mia.

I had six other siblings and we all shared ONE bathroom! When we took a shower we had to turn the water off when we soaped up. There was also one of the water saver shower heads, which didn't help the situation.

We never had kleenex in the house. But there was always an extra roll of toilet paper sitting on the table next to the couch.

Did I mention that we used a wood burning stove to heat the water. I'm guessing that is why our showers had to be so short. Also we heated out house for a time with the same wood burning stove. We were always freezing but it did make us more anxious to get our butts down stairs for scripture study.

We lived in a normal neighborhood, not in the boonies like it sounds. I guess I didn't realize we were actually the poor family..

Add all of this to my list.

The one exception, is we had a gas water heater. We still heated our house with a wood stove.

We lived like we were poor, even though we weren't.

Until I moved away from home I never had kleenex or paper towels.
That's the short list of things we did without.

I'm awe-struck. Except for food-storagitis and an overload of Mormonism, I had no weird rules that stick out in my mind.

As for the turn the water off when soaping rule, that is pretty common in limited-hotwater environments, like camping, on sailboats, I think even the Navy had that as a rule. If your water was heated on a wood stove, that qualifies as limited water.

Either your family was poor, or really obsessively cheap. I've now some spectacular cheapskates in Utah.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/12/2013 03:20PM by Brother Of Jerry.

It's also not just a HOT water issue, but water issue. Growing up in country, the water was pumped from a well. With drought conditions in some areas that have been going on for 20+ years, water tables are down, and wells are in danger of, or actually going dry are common.

We weren't allowed to make any telephone calls. We were on a plan that allowed a certain niumber of calls per month, and anything over that was charged 5 cents each. Only the adults were allowed to use the phone (our mother, really, since our father's English wasn't very good and he tended not to call people).

We also had a 'party' line that was shared with some other homes (this was cheaper). This wasn't a rural system - we lived in SLC.

Our parents grew up during the depression times, so they knew poverty.

Rule 1. Everything was my fault.
Rule 2. Step mothers kids had no rules.
Rule 3. There were so many rules to take the car I preferred to walk up to 5 miles each way rather than follow her rules.
Rule 4. If I got Shauna pregnant she could not live at home with me. (To this day I have no idea who Shauna is. It was something my wicked step mother blurted out one day)
Rule 5. No women in my room. Even if I am not in the house. (Had a swimming party once and let the girls change in my room. I was out cleaning the yard. But it was still wrong.)
Rule 6. If your step brother likes your xmas present he can take it.
Rule 7. Don't embarrass wicked step mother.
Rule 8. Proving step mother wrong leads to punishment anyway. Just shut up and agree.
Fun Rule:

Any of Grandma's homemade nectar/cider/juice had to be cut with sprite 3/4 if under age 8. 1/2 if under age 16. 1/4 for women folk. Men over 16 could drink it straight ;)

Last rule

No living with biological mother. It appears the city frowns on kids living in the cemetery.

Haaa... my parents get us boat loads of fresh apple cider every year from thier orchard. I rarely can drink it straight so I fit in to your 1/4th rule.

Very few "rules". Punishments were daily, yet very arbitrary

The ***one*** rule - No locked doors. Ever. For any reason. Your right to privacy doesn't exist, & your feelings don't matter.

& of course, no one would knock before opening a closed door. & if you made an objection to being walked in on, you were the one who were wrong & "offended", & you could be punished.

Sadly, this even went on when I was living with my parents as an adult. Having your dad walk in on you, as an adult, in the bathroom, then yell at you, & tell you that you have no right to complain about being walked in on is sick & abusive on so many levels.

I had to drink/chew powdered milk.

I know the lumpiness of which you speak. After all, food storage must be rotated, and should be composed of things you eat regularly... Blech! Spam is not bacon, no matter how crispy you make slices of it.

Say no more. I know exactly what you're talking about with powdered milk. Did your parents ever try to fake you out? Mine used to sit at the table, sipping their milk, and saying "Well, this sure is good milk-which-is-in-no-way-powdered!" They had a clear pitcher, and the milk had a two-inch head on it. They tried mixing too. None of us would touch it. I bet I would be an inch taller if it weren't for powdered milk.

We had a "no TV on Sunday" rule. So, I used to read my scriptures and church books on Sunday. I think that set the groundwork for my leaving the Church.

LOL. My TBM husband stocked us up with that horrid powdered milk and so I felt obligated to use it. (waste not, want not) So every once in a while I would mix it half with "real milk" and chill it really well and try to sneak in onto the table even in an original milk carton. Even at 2 to 1, my second son would blow the whistle on me to the other kids! He's now a gourmet cook and I partly attribute that to his cautious watch over my table. Couldn't get away with anything!

That's a great story. lol.. Yeah, that's how it was at our house too. :)

some of these are borderline and outright child abuse. Apparently, I had it good compared to these!

OMFG!....this is bizarre!....sounds like the stuff Phil Donahue and Maury Povich used to have on their shows. We were told to conserve water when I was growing up for practical reasons because we hauled our domestic water and used a septic tank....but everything else here is just about control, old wives tales and stupid rules..and if you've been reading what I write here you'll know I F******G HATE stupid rules! I love nothing better than breaking stupid rules and doing what an old wives tale says not to, just to piss people off...

Ron Burr

This is like notes for a Dickens novel.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/12/2013 03:07PM by erictheex.

I think I got out ok, my mom may have been a bit temperamental at times, but the rules were mainly things like "call when you get there if you're walking to Cubs/friend's house/etc."

Ah, the house hold rules. Brings back such memories. Now, most of these rules you had to figure out on your own.

I was the oldest. If there was a disagreement/ dispute among us 3 older kids it was automatically my fault. My dad admitted this one when I was an adult. I don't know if I knew that rule as a kid, but at least it was obvious to the adults. Because they realized over the years it was my younger sister egging stuff on, with the next 3 kids the rule changed to... you guessed it: if there is an argument, it's the youngest's fault. Dad admitted this.

I was the oldest. (you see a trend here?). That meant I was responsible for exuding such an aura of righteousness and example that all my sibs would then want to follow me down the yellow brick road, just like Joey boy followed his older bro. Alvin. Didn't matter that 2 of my sibs were only a couple of years younger than I was and would barely listen if I was babysitting. Never verbally try to get them to obey if mother was already mad at siblings cause then it was my fault, because I said something. Must use really evil eye stare to hypnotize siblings into obedient behavior.

The babysitter could be 11 years old as long as all the other sibs were younger. Parents could be away all day if they wanted to. In 2nd set of children after I moved out, the babysitter could be 9 or so as long as it was to a church activity or something else my mother wanted to go to.

The house must be completely tidy after the made-at-home babysitter babysat. Doesn't matter that the house could be-and often was- a pigsty before the parents left for their activity. I was getting 60cents an hour for babysitting at home but the going rate was at least a dollar, and I wasn't asked to clean everyone's houses either. but I often did anyway, just to be nice. ( I don't think they had this rule
when they had other teens babysitting before I was old enuf to do it myself.

My mother could unlock and enter the bathroom at any time she wished. Even as an adult. Had to explain to my boyfriend, now dh, to pull out a drawer to go over the door so she couldn't get in.

No using the phone except for emergencies unless you were an adult or a boy. If you used the phone, get off asap. Someone important might be calling (like the bishop??).. Don't say anything that might sound suspicious while on the phone ( ie. While discussing a play, don't say 'they have killed Pierre', as someone listening might think you are talking about killing Pierre Trudeau, the Canadian Prime Minister at that time.) Never mind that we did NOT have a party-line phone.

Saturday was a special day- esp. in the summertime. It was WORK day. Yard clean-up, weeding gardens, digging over gardens, planting, watering gardens.

Find your own transportation to get wherever you want to go. including if you want a job. Unless it's to a church activity.

When getting fruit, get seconds. They are free (after doing slave labour at the farm) or at a reduced cost. I was in my 30s or 40s before I realized it was ok to buy fruit at the grocery store! Eat around bruises etc.

Sunday activities must be church clothes appropriate. Except they did allow us to swim in our backyard pool. I think this caused me some head-scratching. But I did it anyway.

You must wear dresses to school photo day. Not a problem for me but my sister was beaten for not wanting to do so one year. Didn't know about this rule til I was an adult. I just thot you were supposed to dress up, so I did.

Wow. I thought I grew up in a typical mormom home. I don't remember any arbitrary rules. We had to do chores, but none that were extremely obnoxious. We got a fair allowance, and if we wanted/needed more money, we were given extra chores. When I did get in trouble, I knew that I had been out of line.

I can look back and say that, within our home, I had a very happy childhood. Apparently, my parents were, and are still, great parents.

Wow.

Our rules, from about Junior High School age:

If you are not coming home reasonably soon after school, call and let Mom know you are still alive.

If you are going out somewhere, leave a note on the 'frige where you went. If it is someone's home include a phone number.

If you fix yourself a snack clean up the mess.

Refill the ice cube trays.

Up until about fifth grade: When the street lights come on it is time to come home.

Some of these do sound like they could be considered child abuse, such as no locked doors, mirrors being slid under a bathroom door, and parents feeling it's their right to walk in on a child sitting on or standing in front of the toilet.

I wasn't raised Mormon, but I do remember the rule about turning the water off while soaping up during a bad drought in the early 90's. That was more of a rule that was enforced when I was a camp counselor a couple of summers in high school than actually at home. The rule I do remember growing up was that you had to get home when the streetlights came on. Now, my grandparents were more formal and my grandma has OCD about keeping the house clean, so we had to play quietly when in the house, and we had to stay out of the planters in the yard. An example of the OCD was obvious when the dishes were done, as the sink had to be cleaned first, and even though she had a dishwasher, my grandma expected the dishes to be washed completely before going in the dishwasher. My grandparents were devout Catholics, so there was probably Catholic guilt about even a speck of dust for my grandma.