Posted by:
foggy
(
)
Date: April 14, 2014 09:09AM
Yesterday I went to a baby dedication (similar to a baby blessing) for my new niece at my inlaw's Christian church.
It's been over a year since I've been to any service, and longer since I've stepped foot in a Mormon church.
Because it is about an hour away and DH wasn't in any kind of hurry, we were late. We were met by ushers and marched right up to the very front center, 3 feet away from the pastor and worship team.
Everyone was standing and singing, and as I was standing there looking around, I started to shake and feel like I was going to hyperventilate. I thought I had it under control when DH looked over and asked what was wrong. I had tears streaming down my face.
I had the overwhelming desire to turn and run down the aisle and out of the building and just keep going. I ended up sitting down through the rest of the songs and trying to calm down and discreetly wipe the tears away.
I spent the rest of the meeting mentally trying to be somewhere else so I wouldn't start crying again. It was awful, and made me never want to go anywhere near any church again.
DH tried really hard to be understanding but I couldn't even figure out where it all came from so suddenly, so I definitely couldn't explain it.
Last time we went I felt weird and uncomfortable with the vastly different style, but didn't end up a crying shaky mess. Is this how it's going to be from now on? Will I be able to support family at special church events without freaking out?