While I was TBM it was often implied that those who left the church had horrible miserable lives. This fear of leaving the church was real. Just another lie by the morons. I am so much happier without the church. Life is now good and we are far more blessed than we ever were while attending. How about you?

Life is a joy when Mormonism isn't running it.

Never been happier.

I'm so much happier now that I have left the cult! I'm wiser too.

and one year older?

The thing that struck me the most was all the guilt that lifted from me. When I was a devout member, I felt guilty about everything I did, should have done, or didn't do (VT,RS etc.).That, to me, was one of the best benefits of leaving, in addition to picking out my own underwear, getting my weekends back and a 10% raise!

I agree with the dumping of the fear and guilt thing. I can't really say my life is happier since I left the church because that would imply it was ever happy IN the church. But I can say I'm quite happy for the first time in my life.

It's the feeling of freedom. Of not having to hear "that will be answered in the next life," because there are no more bothersome questions. It's not feeling like God and Satan micromanage my life, trying to sway me one way or the other, listening to my thoughts and spying on me constantly. There are no more spies just around the corner. Looking at the world without the mormon lens is like seeing its wonders for the first time.

Fear and guilt are the common tactic used by all cults. And they tell you not to listen to those who say they are happier on the outside, because of course, we're trying to trick you. Whatever. If you're that scared, you deserve to be stuck on the inside.

Ridding yourself of the guilt is the hard part and for me took the longest.

It is bad right up front after leaving. The shunning, the emotional outbursts, the testimonies, the accusations that Stan has become your best buddy, and then, at least for me came the demands for censorship. That's when I got angry.

Now the church has put out the essays talking about the very things I told to keep my mouth shut about.

Five will get you ten that the essays will never be taught in primary and SS. They will wait until a young mind is invested as much as possible before shedding light on anti-Mormon truths.

The LDS church 'is' the rape of informed consent and the robbery of the believers is and will always be the generational end game.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 12/08/2014 07:23PM by AmIDarkNow?.

great wonderful

What did Stan ever do? I like Stan.

but still a lousy tipper.

I really miss the three hour guilt trip....

Life is so much *better* after leaving.

TBMs see those who have left having a coffee at Starbucks, or a beer in their back yard on a Sunday. Neither of which is anything other than perfectly normal and enjoyable. However, from their point of view, those are horrible sins, that keep you out of the temple, and so in their minds, life must be HORRIBLE for those people.

It's not :)

Yep. I was sure I was going to be miserable and everything in my life was going to turn to crap.
I was very surprised--astounded, actually--when it didn't! When good things continued to happen to me!

And I'm just as happy as ever.

And the lack of guilt is pretty amazing, too. Freeing, liberating, wonderful.

I didn't think about this when I left I just left because I discovered the polyandry thing and I was so disgusted by it that I walked away and didn't think twice.

Since being out though I have thought about this many times as I live my life happier than I ever even imagined it could be. I have no guilt, which for me was the worst because I felt like I could never do anything good enough for the mormon god. I am happy, I live life to its fullest, and I have found the love of my life whom I would never have found had I still been a morgbot. I have many things to be thankful for in my life right now but the biggest thing I am thankful for is that I found the truth and left that screwed up organization behind forever.

It took about a year to process everything and work through my intense anger, but after that, yes. Life is good. I regularly think how grand it is that my life is not ruled by fear and guilt anymore.

When I lived in Happy Valley, I used to watch the Mormons load up the family's and head out. While I sat on my porch and drank my coffee, put ribs or roast in the smoker. About the time my friends and I were finishing our meal and beer, here returns the Mormons, kids crying, fighting, removing their Sunday clothes. Was great entertainment.

For me it felt like when Andy Dufresne emerged from the filthy sewer pipe in the movie "Shawshank Redemption".

In fact, I remember one warm, clear, spring morning after leaving the church and filing for divorce. I was standing on my front porch, my arms extended, eyes closed, and head tilted back. The bright sun was kissing my face, the air smelled fresher, sounds clearer, and colors brighter. It felt really nice, and continues to feel great to this very day.

To any TBM's out there lurking or riding the fence...look at the posts above. Those feelings and emotions are our new testimonies. I have never felt doom and gloom outside of the church. I sure felt it during my 40 years as an active member in it though.

One last reference to Shawshank. "I guess it comes down to a simple choice, really. Get busy living or get busy dying." I was dying as a member of the church. Are you?

It's getting better all the time
I've got to admit it's getting better
A little better all the time


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jk0dBZ1meio

Thank you so much for the link. I haven't heard this song in a loooonngg time.

me used to be angry young man
me hiding me head in the sand

I was thinking about this yesterday. I tend to now choose one day over the weekend to relax and one day to get caught up on chores, doesn't really matter which day any longer. So this weekend I spent Saturday hanging out with my family as our town had a huge party and Sunday my husband took a couple of the kids shopping while I cleaned. It is so nice to be able to do what we want with our weekends and not be relegated to someone else's schedule. That in itself makes me so happy. I just wish I would have left a long time ago because I missed a lot of time with my oldest child and I can't get that time back.

Life outside the plantation isn't easier, but who said being free was going to be easy?

I've had my ups and my downs. The TBM's in my life attributed the downs to my not attending. The ups are just a fluke. I figured out that the roller-coaster is what life is. If only TBM's were so enlightened

Now that my wife and I have been out of the church for 16 years, I can make good comparisons to how our respective lives have gone. I'm the youngest of 12 kids. Here's a rundown of how my most-TBM siblings' lives have gone during that time:

*My oldest sister and her hubby had nine kids. Five of the nine left the church as soon as they became adults. She and hubby went on a senior genealogy mission when they retired. While on their mission, she contracted horrible cancer. They had to come home early, and she died a painful, horrible death at age 61. Two weeks after her death, her hubby (former stake president and regional rep) began a sexual affair which brought shame on our entire family.

*My most TBM brother's wife divorced him after 38 years of marriage and 8 kids. He has since remarried and divorced three other Mormon women over the last decade. The last one was a gold-digger, which was kinda funny because my brother has zero gold. He's now 70 and still looking for a "good LDS woman."

*#2 most TBM sister (age 67) and her hubby divorced about 20 years ago. She struggled financially to raise her 3 kids with no child support from hubby. She tried valiantly to keep her home which she'd lived in since the early '70s, but last year she finally gave up and let it go back to the bank. Fortunately, one of my jack-Mormon brothers is letting her live in an old trailer on his property, so at least she has a home. Incidentally, 2 of her 3 kids are doing very well financially, and are TBMs too, but I've seen no evidence that they're helping their mother out after all she did for them.

#3 most TBM sister (age 63) has had three temple marriages and two divorces. Her 3 living children have left the church (a fourth died in an accident at age 13.) That sister has been in and out of poverty and welfare throughout most of her adult life. A few years ago, she re-connected with her first teenage boyfriend, who was a non-Mormon. He was going through a divorce, and my sister got him to join the church and they are now doing fairly well compared to her previous 2 marriages and past 35 or so years.

#4 most TBM sister married a non-Mormon US Marine and they had five kids, four of which have left the church. Her hubby has abused, mistreated, and beaten her throughout their half-century together. But she's still a TBM, so there's that.

My best-off sibling hasn't darkened the door of a Mormon church in 50 years except for weddings and funerals. He made (reportedly) $15 million in the banking industry, retired at 55, and he and his wife have spent the last two decades traveling the world, investing in real estate, and spoiling their grandchildren. They've been involved in politics and have hobnobbed with nationally-known movers and shakers.

As for me, I'm just a middle-class guy. I've owned a small business for 18 years, and although I'll never be wealthy, it's paid the bills, which is better than a lot of Americans have done during this current economic situation. My wife and I have been married, faithful, and happy together for 36 years. After being a SAHM for 28 years, my beautiful wife now holds a prestigious position with a senior care non-profit org. For a country girl with just a high-school education, I am VERY proud of her and lucky to be her man. We owe no money except for our mortgage, and the balance is low. Our house is worth about 3 times what we owe on it.

We have four grown kids and one precious grandson, and they're all doing reasonably well. None of them are wealthy, but OTOH none of them are in jail, pregnant out of wedlock, or drug addicts either.:-)

Our health is reasonably good for our ages (59 and 56.) I haven't been to a doctor in almost two years. My wife recently went in for a checkup, and the staff was shocked when she told them that she wasn't taking any medication of any kind. I realize that we'll have health situations as we get older, but that's no different from anybody else. We have a little money in the bank, and our life insurance is paid up, so whichever one of us survives the other can get by. :-)

That about sums it up. All things considered, my wife and I have done better since we left the church than any of my TBM siblings have.

I'm enjoying many more "tithing blessings" now:

1. I received a 10% pay increase to use in other ways, such as getting to see the positive impact my chartible donations have in my local community rather than feeling empty after writing a check to the church every month.

2. Just after some unexpected financial burdens came up, I received a 75% increase in my pay at work. Instead of thinking this "blessing" was because I paid my tithing (as I would've as a TBM), I get the satisfaction of knowing it was because I work hard and my company decided I was worth it.

3. My college aged son, who also doesn't pay tithing, got a pay raise at work just after finding out his insurance was going up. And guess what? The pay raise is almost exactly the amount he'll need. Hmmm....yet another "I don't pay tithing" blessing!

It is so interesting to see the positive things in life from a completely different perpective and to realize how none of it really ever had anything to do with being Mormon.

This is my first post to the board. And by the way kudos to anyone who recognizes that I'm not the famous Lev Vygotsky (he's dead).

Yes, life is better after leaving. No question.

However, as was said earlier: "It is bad right up front after leaving. The shunning, the emotional outbursts, the testimonies, the accusations that Stan has become your best buddy, and then, at least for me came the demands for censorship. That's when I got angry."

The cruelty that was inflicted after I left was shocking. Sunning and character assassination was very real. My mother's family disowned/disloved me and even apparently has disowned the memory of my mother (she was a lifetime member but not TBM). I feel like I'm still recovering from the cruelty.

I've been out over 30 years and I'm SOOO happy to not be Mormon.

There is nothing in my life that has happened that might cause me to question if I did the right thing in leaving. It feels totally right. I DO have the advantage of not living in a highly Mormon area or near my Mormon relatives. (Actually, I would LOVE to live nearer my relatives - but as far as making it easier to leave the church, living far away from them did help.)

I've had a good life thus far - not perfect of course but no complaints. I'm not wealthy but we're comfortable and I've been very lucky to be very healthy - obviously a result of my daily mug of coffee every morning.

I don't have all the answers, but I feel like I am in control of me, my own moral compass leads me, and my money is spent on a home, and on goods, services, and causes that I can account for.

My day of rest IS INDEED a day of rest - or whatever I decide it's going to be. I don't go to work all week long only to have to do more church work on the weekend.

I only have to clean my OWN bathrooms too - imagine that. (It's just inconceivable that they take in ALL THAT money and STILL make the members do custodial duties!)



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 12/08/2014 10:50PM by seekyr.

I'm happier, healthier, and wealthier (not even considering the 10% raise). Most of all, after giving up on all religions, I'm more at peace than I've ever been.

Back before I left Mormonism in 1978 I was trim, had a full head
of hair, and could run like the wind.

Now I'm fat, balding, and have joint problems.

Must be the curse on apostates that they used to talk about. :(

It's called "The 36 Year Curse" and affects almost everyone

it only gets worse too. uggh...

...but nowadays, I do better than that---I PASS wind.

Leading a rich and diverse life.

Happy as an Episcopalian and went on to win recognition from my city for my civic contributions.

Have never even bumped into anyone from the LDS faith, despite their presence in the community since the mid-1950s. They remain cloistered in their building.

I confess to occasionally missing the "family" feeling of being in an extra large family in tscc. But other than that I am VERY happy away from it all. No more guilt, no more trying to figure everything out in the tiny little mind set of tscc. No more feeling bad that a friend was exed and I didn"t agree with the ex-ing so I wasn;t supporting the priesthood. No more having to listen to an abusive dipstick of a husband because he held the priesthood and was head of our home. Being able to learn and teach and not having to justify it all in my mind, realising that a lot of life and knowlege just IS!!!

Nope I think I am fine thanks, life is not worse after leaving, in lots of ways SO much better!!

Things I miss about the Morg:
1. Overly done up wives with huge fake boobs who where tight clothes but show no skin;
2. The hum of the florescent lights in elder's quorum during the painful silence that follows a stupid question from an unprepared instructor;
3. The guilt and anxiety that builds towards the end of the year as you prepare for the Spanish Inquisition (tithing settlement, temple recommend time);
4. The nails on a chalk board sensation that comes from hearing clearly brainwashed five year olds stand and tell us they "know the church is true;"
5. Having many "friends" but not having a single person you can actually talk to;
6. Faking perfection to fit in;
7. Being so busy you can't find time to do anything for yourself or family, and feeling guilty that you can't do the minimum the church requires of you;
8. Hearing how much the world respects us for our stand on principled issues (rolling my eyes while I realize what a load of BS it is);
9. Reading horribly written scripture and trying to find a grander meaning in the facsimiles of the BOA, the war chapters of the BoM, and sexual fantasy of JS in DC 132; and,
10. Twice a year spending an entire weekend listening to senile geriatrics who have passed their "use by" date, ramble on about how young people should copy the prophet's retirement age lifestyle.

Oh, wait, I don't miss the church at all.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/09/2014 07:00AM by reuben.

I felt FAR more miserable with my Mormon (Now ex) husband, my so called Mormon friends, and my old Mormon life.

That life was the prison. This life is the freedom.

There was only the fear of being unhappy and lonely, NOT the reality.

RMM

Pretty much the same amount of happiness. I do feel more honest with myself and with others but no more happy than I was before.

Lets see what has changed since the blinders came off.

My hair is growing back...less stress
More noocky time....
Lost 25 lbs and have been working out more.
finances have been slowing improving.
More time with the family.

I am shore there are more things that will improve but we have only recently left.