Posted by:
RPackham
(
)
Date: February 28, 2015 10:30AM
Occasionally I have a meal in the home of one of my TBM family members. Of course they bless the food before anybody takes a bite. And they never ask me to say the blessing.
But I've been thinking about what I might say if I were. It might go something like this:
==========
Dear Heavenly Father,
It's us again, we're going to eat now, so we have to take a minute or two and chat with you. So, how've you been since last time? How's Heavenly Mother? Please give her our apologies that we don't keep in touch, but our leaders have told us she's too sacred to bother. We're sure glad that you're not too sacred to bother, too, otherwise we'd have to eat this stuff completely unblessed.
OK, back to the food, which is starting to get cold. Here goes: O God the Eternal Father, we ask thee in the name of thy son Jesus Christ, to bless and sanctify this food to the souls of all those who eat of it; that they may do so in remembrance... sorry, I got off on the wrong prayer. Here's what I meant: Dear Dad Up There, please bless this food, that it may not make us sick, that it may nourish and strengthen our bodies and not make us gain too much weight, especially Harry, who is really putting on the pounds lately and is starting to look gross.
Bless the hands the prepared this meal, and the rest of their body parts as well. If they accidentally had cut themselves or got a burn, heal it up quick without us having to get out the concentrated oil, which would take some time to find - we know you can do it!
Bless the sick and the needy - they really need your help, and we shouldn't have to ask you to do this. You know what they're going through and you could fix it for them in a minute if you just put your mind to it.
Well, everybody is starting to mutter and fidget, so I'll sign off.
We ask all these things in the name of your oldest kid that you loved so much you let him be tortured and killed so that we wouldn't have to be punished. Thanks a lot. Yours truly,
Amen.