Posted by:
anon semi-regular poster
(
)
Date: June 05, 2015 10:07AM
I chose to leave my (over ten year) marriage over a year ago. This was a good decision for me. I was not happy. We went to couples' therapy for years. He had/has lots of issues (which I won't go into).
The divorce has been finalized. My ex and I are on relatively good terms and co-parenting our kids.
He is now dating someone new. I thought I had really processed the end of the relationship - going through all the emotions of anger, fear, sadness - but this has thrown me through a loop. Maybe it's seeing her with my kids. Maybe it's seeing her with my kids in my former house (he kept the house). Maybe it's thinking that the relationship with her will work (he has lots of issues that I don't know that he has fully addressed). I don't really think it will work, but I don't know (of course). And maybe she's more comfortable with putting up with his bullsh*t than I was.
FWIW, she seems like a nice person. I first met her gardening with my kids. What an amazing metaphor - to be gardening with my kids! I haven't asked my kids about her at all - or my ex. I am curious but do not want to put them in the middle.
Therapy was sort of helpful - but basically everyone says that these feelings are normal and natural. Maybe it would be easier if she were totally crazy and a complete b*tch - maybe it's harder that she seems kind and stable.
How have you processed or dealt with feelings after a marriage or relationship ends (and your ex enters a new relationship)? I know that the anger and resentment will only increase and run my life. I don't want that. I know it will take time. Any and all tips and tricks are welcome.