Those old LDS dirges are getting a little worn out, am I right?
With that in mind, here are a few suggestions for our Sunday hymnals:
"Joseph Smith Had A Thing For My Daughter" "If You're Gay, Go Away (Unless You Pay)" "Take The Temple Bait If Your Tithe's Up To Date" "You Need Atoning For (Trust Us)" "No You Can't See Our Financial Records" "Tell The Bishop All Your Nasty Habits" "Satan Drinks Double Espressos" "Dunking For Jesus"
Praise to the man who we know as Lucifer He wore the clothing and showed it to us. Then he commanded us to put on these aprons Everyone obeyed and put on robes & aprons.
Don't praise us since we followed the evil We took our directions from the one that was cast out Now we wear baking hats and veils over our faces and stand in a circle saying pay, play, ale.
1. If you could hate from Kolob In the spurning of gays, And then continue onward With that same need that preys, Do you think that you could ever, Through all eternity, Find out the generation Where hate began to be? 2. Or see the grand beginning, Where hate did not pretend? Or view the last emotion, Where tears and laughter end? Methinks the Spirit whispers, "No man has found 'pure hate,' Nor seen the outside curtains, Where gays have a place." 3. The works of hate continue, And worlds their lives make frowns; Imprisonment and aggression Have one eternal round. There is no end to haters; There is no end to hate; There is no end to spite; There is no end to chase. 4. There is no end to curfew; There is no end to fright; There is no end to fear from; The ending of the light. There is no end to unicorns; There is no end to proofs; There is no end to beasthood; There's bliss to bend the truth. 5. There is no end to gory; There is no end to shoves; There is no end to reeling; From the dying up above. There is no end to boring; There is no end to grubs; There is no end to eating; There are no gays above.
High on Cumorah hill, A man buries his face, into his hat with a stone to find fictious plates. Some black magic rites, and supposed dead angels, Too bad it was a lie, He duped us all.