I fully expected that after some bumps in the road I'd develop critical thinking skills which would enable me to thrive at work, become more well adjusted emotionally and socially, and find my life improving generally speaking.

Instead, my job performance has gone down the tubes, my romantic life has gone by way of the shitter, I've become more unstable and become much more suicidal (please save me the call the hotline bullshit) and generally become a miserable human being.

I don't think life owes me anything, but I do tend to believe in everyone having a core substance or core self that drives them towards the actions they make.

All this means is that either I'm inherently a selfish narcissistic bastard who is getting everything that he deserves because I've placed integrity over arguably more important things in life (unlike those who realize tscc is a farce but stay in it for the sake of relationships), or life is just shitty for everyone and I'm dealing with it a lot less well than most.

All of you seem to be well adjusted, have a sense of humor about life, and have been able to integrate into normal society. Me? I don't have a sense of humor about anything. I think life's shit and worthless. I find joy in some things but ultimately feel like the things I enjoy are just a distraction from the fucking hellhole that is this life.

Just a few years ago I was in a happy (I thought at least) marriage, was succeeding at my job, held relationships, and wasn't thinking about suicide ever. Then I realized tscc was a lie, left, and now my life is going down the tubes.

What the fuck happened.

I'll spare you the " call the [suicide]hotline bullshit" and suggest you call a therapist.

But just so you know, the hotline is cheaper.

Not trying to sound like a Freudian, but...

What do YOU think happened?

You know yourself a lot better than anybody here does.
All I can tell you is that seeing the man behind the curtain in the mormon mind-fuck version of Oz is hard on human thoughts and emotions. Especially if you were hip-deep in "belief." If you thought you were just going to immediately let it go, and be oh-so-happy, well, not to be mean...but you thought wrong.

I think I am "well-adjusted." But I've been out 35 years. The first 3-4 were...interesting. I said "fuck" more than ever. I made some stupid mistakes. And I slowly learned...a lot. Like how to make my own moral decisions. Like how to make my own plans for my day, my year, my life. Like how to deal honestly with people (instead of with mormon fakery). There were also fun times, which I recognized and enjoyed. There were wonderful people who were patient with me just emerging from a mind-sucking cult and learning how to be a normal human being. There was learning and freedom and oh so much more. And then...it was better. And then it was great (meaning NORMAL).

I don't know what will do it for you. I'll bet YOU do, though. It might take time to figure it out, but I'll bet you can.

I can only speak for myself, but not everyone here may be as well adjusted as it seems. i know I'm not. If I hadn't had the amazingly good fortune of falling in love with an exmo just after returning from my joke of a mission, God knows where I'd be. My issue now is that a few of the surgeons on the staff of my hospital have outed me as a notanymormon to others. And I'm in CA. I hate to think of what it would be like trying to make my final break in the morridor. (I had my initial break from the church there, but I was in med school then; you don't really have time for church even when you're a supposedly active church member when you're in med school. my absence at that time wasn't very noticeable)

My wife has a chronic illness and I've almost lost her twice in the past five years. I'm not sure what would have happened to me had she not pulled through. So I sort of hear where you're coming from. For many of us, the balance, or at least enough of it to feel as though we can function in job setting, eventually comes. I hope it does for you. I'm pulling for you.

scmd Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> If I hadn't had the amazingly good fortune
> of falling in love with an exmo just after
> returning from my joke of a mission


For some reason the edit feature isn't available right now. I'm editing my prior post to say that I mis-typed. My wife is not an exmo, but rather a nevermo.

Do you really think that a guy who goes by the name BYU BONER is well adjusted? I'm about as fucked up as they come. Boner is a double-entendre on both an erection and a mistake. Many times, I feel like my whole life is a mistake.

I understand fully where you're coming from. But, let's cut out the bullshit talk about suicide, okay? If you're seriously thinking of doing it, get help immediately--check yourself in to a hospital. Now, tell me to go fuck myself if it helps. You've got friends here who care. And, judging from the posts, many of us struggle with issues. I doubt that anyone here feels self-actualized all the time. If they do, they're either a GA, delusional, or both.

You said your job performance is slipping. Get up from the pity pot and do something about it. When I'm depressed, I take every good thing about my career and flip it over to the dark side. Every compliment becomes a "a sure fooled the fuck out of them!" Depression causes negative FEELINGS and doesn't necessarily represent reality. Talk to yourself and tell yourself the reality of the situation...

"Boner, you're a real fuck up, your work is crap!" No, depression is causing me to feel like a fuckup, but the reality is my job performance has been excellent. My work seems like crap right now because I'm depressed and depressed people think very negative thoughts. So, fuck depression! Tell yourself I'm not going down the negative-thought rabbit hole.

"Yeah, you're one to talk Boner! It's been years since you've gotten laid!" You got me on that. Mrs. Boner doesn't want to ever have sex with me. It's my choice not to step out on her. Danger Will Robinson--core value ahead...the Boner has no plans to engage in extra-curricular activity unless he gets divorced. Right now, I'm not interested in other women, Mrs. Boner is the only one for me (no, I don't give a rat's ass about what other RfMers think about my marriage!

Life is a hellhole, whoever said this is right--life is a nightmare from which I'm trying to wake up. So, wake up, wank one off, and get out with people. Talk to people at the store. Go to a bar--talk to the bar keep, be friendly, joke around, leave a fucking big tip, thank the server for the service. Go to the SLC library, talk to a librarian about reading recommendation-- you don't have to read the books, your goal is to talk to people.

I did non-scientific experiment to see if my vibes encouraged talk or not. I was on a busy walk way. At one point, I told myself I wanted to talk with people, I looked them in the eyes, smiled and asked how things were going. Most paused and talked with me. Then, I decided I didn't want to talk. I looked down and sent negative vibes--not one word was said.

I hope some of this helps. Cuss at me, wank one out, laugh, but please don't think of your feeling of depression as reality. If you need professional help, get off your ass and call someone. And for fuck's sake, post here and vent. People care abut you! This forum isn't the Morg, be your own fucked up real self and vent away. The Boner.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/17/2016 09:42PM by BYU Boner.

See? The boner isn't just a member of the five gallon club [1]. He has a lot of life experience.


[1] Amount of jizz rubbed out in lifetime.

Maybe you should go to Burning Man.

BYU Boner Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Do you really think that a guy who goes by the
> name BYU BONER is well adjusted?

No, just well hung :)

(to the OP -- see, you can find humor in the most unexpected of places sometimes. The Boner put up a great post, and I love him to death, and he won't mind if I make a joke about it, because humor helps all of us get through our day!)

Do me a favor. Put this on your cell phone:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0RZNBEfXVkI

Go someplace like a mountaintop or open field. Crank it up loud, and let it play.
Then let out a few "fuck the mormon cult!" shouts.

See if that doesn't make you feel better.

And maybe even Erickson, too. Maybe it will help you intellectualize what you're going through. Not that intellectualizing solves everything and it IS a defense mechanism that can become counter-productive, but it might help.

Marcia's theories seem to be solely focus on adolescent development, but for those going through a crisis, I think it's valuable information. Erickson theorized we revisit stages until me can sublimate and reconcile our issues and regrets from the previous stages.

http://www.learning-theories.com/identity-status-theory-marcia.html

http://www.simplypsychology.org/Erik-Erikson.html

Look at it this way: You grew up in a cult environment where all your choices and decisions set out for you like a 5 year old's daily wardrobe and you were supposed to have this perfect Mormon life with all the perfect Mormon trappings, but instead you chose to leave. Change is painful and terrifying for most people, cult members or not. People often get stuck in the same rut and make the same choices that are ultimately destructive because at least they know what to expect. You broke out of that cycle and so it's now what, right? Everything was supposed to get better leaving the cult and life is supposed to be smooth sailing now.

You're in a dark spot that many find themselves in when the world they knew is gone, but the world they now inhabit isn't much better.

Why are so many of us stable?

Well, many have to go through a whole lot of pain and suffering to get to a point where we could get through the day without bawling, cutting, drinking, hiding, or simply withdrawing completely...I spent 30 years of my life trapped in a hell that I still find myself dragged into mentally and emotionally. It took many mistakes including failed relationships with abusive people, losing pretty much everything including my self-worth and sanity, and a hell of a lot of introspection and therapy to get to a stable point in my life.

It doesn't mean it's always wine and roses, but it means finding the resiliency and inner strength to toss the dead flowers in the compost and turn the sour wine into vinegar. How you find that strength and resiliency is your own journey. A therapist can't fix your life, only provide you with the tools to work on it. That's the mistake people who are broken with unrealistic expectations have about therapy- A therapist is there to provide you with objectivity, comfort, and a different perspective. It's an emotionally/mentally grueling process, occasionally cruel, but can be worth it.

Living an authentic life is not easy and it never is except for people who never have to suffer a complete and total shattering of their illusions in life.

I'm a Lexapro fan, but that's just me.

Everyone you encounter is faking it. Seriously.

Just like you, they are fighting an endless battle and try their damndest to not let anyone see their struggle.

Society is structured on 'civilized' people interacting with other 'civilized' people. Everyone knows the expectation and does their best to play the part of 'normal'.

Occasionally, a few people slip up and show the 'other side'. Society tsk-tsks and frowns on them. How dare they show others their troubled selves. Ew. We can't be expected to deal with your problems (because we barely are able to manage our own struggles).

My brother has often said, "If you don't think your family is dysfunctional, then you don't really know your family."

My sister's corollary is, "If you think you're messed up, start online dating. You'll find out you're not nearly as messed up as you think you are."*

*With the exception of my brother, all of my sibs and I are currently married to people we met online.

I think your reaction is perfectly normal considering you have just had the suckers pulled off your chest and woken up to the nightmare that is reality (a la Matrix-style).

You previously believed that your earthly life was a test, one lasting only a day in the timespan of eternity. You were on a detailed Quest for the True Gospel, and like the knight that you are, you found it and were marching towards an royal eternity of kingship ruling over a planet (Remember who you are!)

Suddenly the suckers come off and you look around, blinking. You are actually a man among men, no better or worse than anyone else. No credit for time/money served, no scorecard in heaven, no one caring if you beat off or not.

You literally went from being the center of attention from the ladder of priesthood peering over your shoulder to....nothing.

The reason the people around you appear to be well-adjusted, or better-adjusted is simply that they have been in reality longer than you and have made adjustments. You, my friend, like the rest of us, were in la-la-lds land playing dungeons and dragons with consecrated oil and magic powers.

Eventually, you will learn what it takes to individuate and find meaning for your own life. Without this done, life is indeed meaningless because the meaning comes from within. And your within was hijacked.

I can help you work with the new birth of reality: first--DO NOT JOIN ANY OTHER RELIGIONS AS AN ACTIVE PARTICIPANT. Not even a relatively bland and beneficient Christian church. Consider yourself in rehab needing to find yourself before dedicating yourself to something else.

Your previous Mormon life was over-structured. NO ONE LIVES LIKE MORMONS because it is unnatural. We need time to smell the flowers in order to have quiet time with our own mind. The Mormons want your mind to be theirs (pay and obey) so they keep you way too busy.

What feels good right away is to add some structure to your re-discovery of the person you were always meant to be. Get the book "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron. This is the book I used when I was stalled after ten years out of the church. It was written to help blocked creatives (writers, artists, dancers, actors) but has stayed very popular for 20+ years because it helps regular people find themselves through creative expression.

Ever notice how Mormon culture is so painfully lacking in the fine arts? That's because they help people express their feelings (as opposed to stifling them ).

The Artist's Way is a workbook. I encourage you to do every single exercise, no matter how childish it may seem at first. The first time I wrote "morning pages" I cried the whole time. And I thought I had worked through my issues with the church.

There are surprises in this inward journey, and you will need some courage to unwrap them and to allow yourself to feel your feelings. Somewhere down the road you will become your own best friend, the one who knows and loves you best. The one with wisdom to guide you in decision making (your gut) and literally, the one taking the place of imaginary Jesus who lives in your heart.

Best of luck, friend, and let us know how you are doing. We have all been there and felt that curious emptiness when the Plan of Salvation falls away.


Kathleen

I hear you. I've struggled with major depressive disorder and anxiety for most of my life, thanks to the church. I tend to think I'm doing "better" now just because I'm not suicidal or even depressed nearly as often. But I'm still unemployed and living in my parents' basement. I still get huge anxiety spikes from just the thought of encountering Mormons so I stay isolated.

I know I'm just a lurker here and nobody knows me but yeah, I'm definitely not "well adjusted." So you're not the only one.

Sounds like you maybe suffering from depression. You probably should think about seeking professional help. I am 65. 30 years ago, I came down with Major Depression and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I tried to fight it on my own for 3 years of hell. Finally, my wife insisted on me going to the family doctor who referred me to a psychiatrist. Apparently, my illness was brought on by a high stress job and a genetic predisposition. Long story short, I have been on medication for the last 27 years and functioning good. Don't try to figure out everything in life. Helping others may help you keep your mind off of your troubles. Lots of folks have things worse than we. "I once felt bad about not having shoes until I met someone who had no feet."

Many years ago I was on an amusement park ride for the first time which was wilder and faster than a kiddie carousel. It was called The Hammer, and it sure hammered me. All I wanted to do was get the hell off the thing and see if I could ever feel normal again and not look ridiculous in front of the boy I was with.

This is how leaving the cult of Mormonism made me feel also. My world was turned upside down because I had placed my trust in a path that I believed, wanted so much to be true, and felt sooo ANGRY and sooo betrayed when I realized this path was nothing but a fantasy in which I had been lied to on a scale that I could not begin to fathom.

You have been indoctrinated by a cult that has honned its skill at indoctrination since ole Joey set the stage and put out the props almost 200 years ago. It has become excellent at what it does, but know that it can be beat, and that it is a sleazy unetchical organization that is sooo worth beating. Give yourself time, move slowly, do not be afraid to seek help as all of us need a helping hand at one time or another. You are worth it! And, guess what?, the cause to teach others about how worthwhile living a life based on truth, facts, and critical thinking is needs your help if you care to give it.

And, as a side note, a life of integrity gets the Gold, and I vouch that it is much, much better than being a captive of Mormonism with all of its lies and how it fucks with your self esteem, how it steals all of your waking hours, and even tells you what you can think. Where I am at today compared to years ago does give me a feeling of being much more adjusted and at peace with myself.

Go for the Gold! You can do it.

It's called metamorphosis. You're a caterpillar turning into a butterfly. You can't stop the process. Can't go back, only forward as your guts dissolve into a soup and reconstitute into an entirely new life form.

This is what major life re-calibration feels like, without actually going through death to do it. Nice trick if you can pull it off.

Solving this is like three blindfolded jokers describing the boner...used to be an old song went...when i pretend im gay...i never feel that way...im only painting the clouds with sunshine...when i hold back a tear..to make a smile appear...im only painting the clouds with sunshine...we all travel life supremely alone...behind every face is a stranger whom even a close friend will never really unravel or know..among millions we are alone...i too feel your pain friend...im there...again...life just beats you down till ya just wanna scream fuckit...whats the meaning of the madness...the nice little strings that tied life in neat little packages are gone...there seems no answer to anything...because there isnt one...my outlet became cutting firewood...sweating for four hours and a nice shower and that emotional mind fuck was at bay for a few hours...exercise was my safety valve...you must find yours...depression does have you by the nuts...pills...therapy...or ECT as i did saved my ass for twenty years...it was ugly...i died from the anastetic literally...no tunnel ..no lights...no jeebus...took couple months to get over it but the darkness lifted for twenty years thank gawd...now crippled ....firewood and sweat wont save me this time....find a reason to live...if not check out...but dont do it till your dam sure theres nothing left to fight for...its a silent battle we each wage in the wee hours...alone...know your not alone...others are there too...if you can find anything to laugh about...it helps too...and it can be genetic

Leaving Mormonism opens/ed us up to a world of doubts, and self doubts.

If something we were so sure about that provided a semi-solid structure for our lives could be so wrong, and outright deceived us, how can we trust anything or anyone else again?

You have to keep on doing the work that has brought you where you're at, and realize you may be on an uphill climb, an uphill battle. And there are no easy answers, not or especially not even Mormonism. We were fooled, big time.

I didn't lose my faith in my Creator though when I lost my faith in Mormonism. It drew me closer to God when I realized Mormonism couldn't save me, and I was being suffocated by the spiritual vacuum it helped to create in my soul. I needed more than it could provide me - I was spiritually starving when I left it. Once you realize the deception and the fraud that are at the center of it, there was no alternative but to leave.

I've been picking up the pieces of my life since leaving and before leaving the Mormon cult. I've lost some people dear to me. Some were because of the cult interfering with my family life. Some of my losses were because of a larger unknown quantum whether that be my karma from a former place in another existence, or the sins of my parents I don't really know. Maybe my losses will be seen as gain in the next life, who really knows?

Having lost the love of my life at a very early age has kind of forced me to grow on my own and find my own way in the world. The Mormon promise of eternal marriage did not happen here. So I've had to find my own center of gravity, which others take for granted, without my significant other by my side. Being a single mother was another uphill battle, but somehow I muddled through and am still working towards my life goal now revised, of living as well as I'm able in the time I have left to live right and know that I'm still responsible for my choices and this life of mine.

When the trappings of life crumble around you, like someone else said here about the chrysalis turning into the butterfly, you need to recoup, gather what's left of who you are now, and take stock of where you're at without giving up on what's most important: your core integrity, and life.

Looking back now I see where God has pulled the rug out from under me on more than one occasion, not only since leaving Mormonism. He's pulled it out on relationships, often times family, the church as the most important institution once was to me, and at work on occasion to remind me my life isn't grounded in those relationships, but has not ever left me in terms of guiding my life and seeing me through.

It was my faith that delivered me from Mormonism and elsewhere. Without that, I would feel very lost. I feel closer to God now than I did before, because he never left my side. People fail us, life will fail us. In the end all we have is who we are, and that inner light that guides us.

Depression is also a real chemical imbalance that can shadow your world and your perceptions. When depressed it is no more a stigma today than having a very treatable illness at your physician's. 30 years ago people had to go to a psychiatrist to be treated for depression. Today you just have to tell your family doctor so they can write you a script and hopefully find one of the many medications out there work well for you to find your happy medium.

I'd say deal with the depression first, and then keep working on everything else because we matter. You are worth fighting for, and in turn you might be able to help someone else who's where you are now. We're all a work in progress.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/18/2016 03:17AM by Amyjo.

It sounds like you could benefit from seeing a sympathetic counselor. The counselor could work in cooperation with a psychiatrist if you are in need of medication.

I've gone through some tough times during my life. Different things have helped at different times. These things have included: Counseling, talking to friends, spending time with loved ones, drawing comfort from pets, praying, compartmentalization (i.e. if work is what has been making me unhappy, then leave work at work,) spending time in nature, particularly the mountains or the seashore, journaling, self-help books, etc.

I also think that the first person you should be gentle, tender, and compassionate with is yourself. Cut yourself a break. You deserve to be happy.

Getting older has also been helpful. I think as I've aged, I've come to see that the bad times will only last for so long, and better times will inevitably return. I also find that simple things have a capacity for making me very happy.

Up above, Anagrammy said, "Eventually, you will learn what it takes to individuate and find meaning for your own life. Without this done, life is indeed meaningless because the meaning comes from within. And your within was hijacked." This is very true. The Mormon church took over nearly every aspect of your life. Even though its toxic presence is gone, you feel strangely empty. This is to be expected. Rebuilding a strong emotional core will be a slow, steady, and ultimately rewarding process.

We are rooting for you. Come here for support whenever you need it.

I believe this board does bring out the goodness in people. We allow anonymity and the compassion expressed here is extraordinary. To think you are the only one messed up is well... messed up.

I have no childhood memories. None. It troubles me greatly at times. What really happened in my life? My mother was a beauty queen in Finland after WWII. She came reluctantly to the US with her mother for greater economic opportunities. She still primarily talks of all her Finnish boyfriends and life in Finland experiences as if I never existed. I was the unfortunate anchor that kept her from going back to her home country. At my daughter's wedding for example, when my daughter was the obvious center of attention, my mother stated out loud, "I wished I stayed in Finland." Her narcissism is off the scale.

The Mormon church seemed to partially become a family that I longed for when I was a convert. The subsequent mission seriously depressed me making me feel a total and complete failure. That took years to overcome. The being called to a second mission nightmares were awful. I still struggle to achieve a state of being normal, which of course varies dramatically from individual to individual.

We do the best we can. I found outlets that give me happiness such as playing in different bands, maintaining this site, being out in my white water boat, lunch with a few friends, etc. I just had a great trip to California. Exercise is important.

Hang in there. Perhaps we come off more well rounded in our posts than we actually feel.

The only line I credit Joseph Smith for including in his canon is the following:

"...said unto himself: Now, for this cause I know that man is nothing, which thing I never had supposed."

There's a lot there to unpack. But it's right on!

About forty years ago I discovered I couldn't believe that nonsense any more. I descended into depression. I didn't know anything about depression at the time. Only much later did I realize what it was. All I could do at work was go through the motions. I felt that I could scarcely function at all. I cannot remember much about that period. But I do remember my performance review at work. I received a good raise and my boss told me that he expected that someday he would report to me. No doubt part of that was based on reputation. My takeaway from this was that the feeling was much, much worse than the reality.
My metaphor for the experience now is to think of my brain as a kind of web page with a great many links to other sites. When I was unable to maintain my belief in TSCC many of those links just went away. Lots of Error 404. In time I was able to remove those broken links and add many new ones. When Mormondom is our life, practically all of those links are LDS. It just takes time to clean up the mental debris and build new connections. In my case it took about six months to emerge from depression.

Watch this, and every single lecture on his youtube channel. Pure gold:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dvmUTeZvl6I

hell. It has been, let's see, 33 years since I found out my boyfriend and future husband is gay. He started cheating 2-1/2 years into the marriage. He left me at 11 years and put me through a living hell. Everything in my life was a MESS.

That was 21 years ago. It has taken me at least this long to pick up the pieces of my life.

I took it upon myself to get back in touch with the guy I wished I had married 11 years ago, even though I was overweight and felt like a total loser, but I knew that if he was divorcing, that I only had a slim timeline of contacting him. It hasn't been perfect or easy, but we are still together.

My kids aren't doing all that great. My daughter is doing much better than my son, but they are alive and I somehow pulled them through the hell with me. My ex and I are best friends and he and the kids have good relationships. He was just apologizing earlier this evening for some of the things he put us through in the years after he left.

I still think life is shitty a lot of the time. I'm in a much better place in SO MANY WAYS, but I will always deal with what I went through. I have PTSD that triggers now and then and my health isn't the best these days, but I keep getting up and moving. I had some years of very poor performance, but the companies I work/worked for I had proven my worth before everything fell apart and I still have a job where most others in my profession no longer do.

Two things that really, really helped me were therapy and walking and walking and walking and walking. I went to therapy twice a week for a long time. I searched for a therapist that worked and I've been seeing him for at least 18 years (I only see him once or twice a year now). Walking still is my escape. If I get out of the habit, I suffer.

Look for the little things, the bright moments.

The key word is "seems."

You know how you are, but you only know how other "seem."

Right now someone is wondering why you seem to well-adjusted and
they feel horrible.

Reality is that life is harder for some at certain times than others. Being a trophy SAHW tbm wife is certainly easier than being a soldier in Afghanistan. I've come to realize that deep down I don't like people, they make me edgy. Especially large groups of people. I have a few close friends but prefer that all the weirdos (that are everywhere) would just go away.

Why some of us struggle and others don't is a mystery. People who are prettier, stand out as a leader, have brains, talk well, have English names, tend to have an advantage. They meet the job description management is looking for, that girls are looking for in a hubby. But the rest of us struggle more.

Please, I am a fucking wreck.

In my experience, NO ONE has their shit together. Comparing yourself to others does not help anyone.

I think that most people are just barely held together with glue and bailing wire. We just do the best we can.

I am the most well-adjusted, shit-together person I know.

Be sure to share that knowledge with my wife...she could use a good laugh.

Humor helps. Even when I was at my most depressed, I maintained a sense of humor; albeit, a gallows humor. It made me chuckle a little at myself and my situation, and that made it easier to take the next step...any step.

Well adjusted? Seriously? We're all posting here on a recovery site because we're still dealing with the mind f*** of mormonism. I wouldn't go so far as to call us well adjusted. Don't get me wrong, I try to be as much as the next person but have found there's still days when I'm basically a three year old not entirely sure how deal with life and just want my teddy to cuddle.

Thank you for this thread!!!

I thought I was the only one holding on for dear life and failing in not doing everything I should have done financially and otherwise, and this with a deaf-conditioned brain struggling to process rapid/mumbling dialogue quickly, too.

Hang in there! I can't add to the superb advice and suggestions other have written.