Posted by:
Itzpapalotl
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Date: August 17, 2016 09:37PM
And maybe even Erickson, too. Maybe it will help you intellectualize what you're going through. Not that intellectualizing solves everything and it IS a defense mechanism that can become counter-productive, but it might help.
Marcia's theories seem to be solely focus on adolescent development, but for those going through a crisis, I think it's valuable information. Erickson theorized we revisit stages until me can sublimate and reconcile our issues and regrets from the previous stages.
http://www.learning-theories.com/identity-status-theory-marcia.htmlhttp://www.simplypsychology.org/Erik-Erikson.htmlLook at it this way: You grew up in a cult environment where all your choices and decisions set out for you like a 5 year old's daily wardrobe and you were supposed to have this perfect Mormon life with all the perfect Mormon trappings, but instead you chose to leave. Change is painful and terrifying for most people, cult members or not. People often get stuck in the same rut and make the same choices that are ultimately destructive because at least they know what to expect. You broke out of that cycle and so it's now what, right? Everything was supposed to get better leaving the cult and life is supposed to be smooth sailing now.
You're in a dark spot that many find themselves in when the world they knew is gone, but the world they now inhabit isn't much better.
Why are so many of us stable?
Well, many have to go through a whole lot of pain and suffering to get to a point where we could get through the day without bawling, cutting, drinking, hiding, or simply withdrawing completely...I spent 30 years of my life trapped in a hell that I still find myself dragged into mentally and emotionally. It took many mistakes including failed relationships with abusive people, losing pretty much everything including my self-worth and sanity, and a hell of a lot of introspection and therapy to get to a stable point in my life.
It doesn't mean it's always wine and roses, but it means finding the resiliency and inner strength to toss the dead flowers in the compost and turn the sour wine into vinegar. How you find that strength and resiliency is your own journey. A therapist can't fix your life, only provide you with the tools to work on it. That's the mistake people who are broken with unrealistic expectations have about therapy- A therapist is there to provide you with objectivity, comfort, and a different perspective. It's an emotionally/mentally grueling process, occasionally cruel, but can be worth it.
Living an authentic life is not easy and it never is except for people who never have to suffer a complete and total shattering of their illusions in life.