That my dad was found out to be a fraud. It has been a very interesting recovery for me because not only have I learned about all the lies the church teaches, that my own dad was so good at pretending we're truths, but I also learned that my dad was using the church in his callings (always in leadership) and his work to manipulate and con people. I recently wrote my exit story, and I think I didn't get to write everything out clearly. My dad has always been my hero, I looked up to him in every way. He was silly and fun (when he was around and not at church) and I thought he was the ideal man to mold my future husband after. So, when the crap hit the fan over a year ago, my entire family was devastated. But through that terrible time came a wonderful blessing, half of my siblings quit attending church. We were all sick and tired of spinning our wheels for "the man" and being told what to do. We are all the independent ones in the family. We have all bonded so close through this. Where we were somewhat close before, we now openly share our feelings without shame.there was such a wall between us all because of the church. We've all admitted to this now. I feel free being out, I want to resign soon. I feel very very lucky because my husband is with me, we found the church to be fake at the same time. I was so afraid to tell him my feelings, but when I did it turned out he was having the same doubts. Seeing how my dad could con and manipulate people as an "inspired" leader push me to my limit and forced me to really search for truth elsewhere. It's been a blessing and a curse. I am still very hurt and emotional over my dad and the church he and my mom raised me in. But I am free. I have felt held back for many years now and I can be open about who I truly am inside. I don't talk to my dad much. I'm contemplating cutting him off for good. Every time I speak with him he only wants to talk about surface fake shit that you get from all TBM's. It's all a front and it sends me into a lot of depression and pain. I want a real relationship, I'm done with fake. Thank you for listening, sometimes I just need to vent about it all, it's overwhelming and hard to deal with.

Here is Bishop Daughter's Exit Story:

http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?3,1857551

I have an atheist uncle who sounds very much like your father.

He was a role model for my children until we learned he was a serial con artist. I had to cut off all ties to him, he became very manipulative and deceptive, and outright vicious after my children and I identified him to our local police.

He'd been a scientist and engineer in his pre-career before he re-invented himself into a con artist.

My grandmother would roll over in her grave if she knew what he's been up to all these years. The police told me at the time of his heist where I live it was only the tip of the iceberg, and that he'd been doing his financial crimes for a very long time.

He is so good at it he evaded arrest. But we know. And he knows that we know.

Con artists are sociopaths. They're so good at deceiving people, often their own families live in denial - afraid to own up to the truth their loved one is a cheat and a liar. Con artists are some of the hardest people to treat in therapy and parole, because they try to con their therapists.

Everyone around them is screwed up. Never the con artist. That's partly how they dig their heels in and stay stuck in their psychoses.

I was not going to be an enabler for my uncle. So I cut those ties and we haven't spoken since.

When it's your own father, my heart breaks for you. But I understand fully why you feel the way you do.

ETA: It devastated my family too. My uncle and aunt were like godparents to my children, and surrogate parents to me. My children's innocence and trust in their aunt and uncle was all but shattered. I was left to pick up the pieces of that shattered relationship - because greed was more important to my aunt and uncle than honesty and living lives of integrity.

They didn't even need the money. They spent it lavishly which is how they've lived has been lavishly, without any thought for the consequences of their actions or the fallout on family members when the sh*t hit the fan. They're the king and queen of denial to this day.

The money they made where I live the cops told me would've lasted only a month where they live. Sure enough, as soon as uncle returned home from his heist here he took my aunt on a lavish vacation. He bought a very expensive camera while he was in my town committing his heist, online. Then bragged about it to his fellow clubmates in his photography club.

He didn't "need" the money. It just fed his appetite for more, and greed was all he cared about. And getting away without getting busted. Him and my aunt are a power couple where they live. If that's what it takes to be successful in their world, they can shove it up their arses where the sun don't shine.

I used to wonder where he found the money to take exotic vacations, buy luxury sports coupes, and travel the world first class. He had been an inventor with 28 patents under his belt, an expert witness and a consultant in his field. That was his excuse for international business. When the highs and lows of Silicon Valley dried up his job prospects must've been around the same time he became a career criminal. And managed to keep up appearances at the same time.

Con artist by day, actor/singer/thespian by night. My how he can act!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/27/2016 01:46PM by Amyjo.

Thank you Amyjo for sharing! Isn't it sad that some people can be so horrible? It is so hard knowing you've been played your whole life. So many innocent people plus my family have been deeply hurt by his actions. My dad likes to put on this act like he's this sweet innocent spiritual (yet humble) man, and it works on so many! I literally had no idea he could harm a fly until everything came to the surface. It's been a crazy whirlwind of emotions finding out you've been lied to about so much. When I read about Joseph smith and all of the cons he pulled, especially with the financial stuff (the bank in Kirkland I believe), it hit home so hard and I suddenly hated Joseph smith with a fiery passion because he reminded me of my dad. Actually all male leaders make me want to barf, they seem so fake now.

When it's your own family member, it feels like a betrayal of the worst order.

Con artists share traits in common. You're probably noticing the comparisons between both men.

As painful as it is to deal with the raw emotions and get through the grieving stages, you're at least dealing with reality instead of living the lie.

I don't know what I would do if it were my dad instead of my uncle. My own dad would not have condoned my uncle's actions. My uncle's daughters are in denial over their father's illegal activities. One of them wrote a tell-all book a few years back describing her father's ego mania and extreme moods, and her mother's ability to save face no matter what ill befell their family.

When my cousin was molested on the playground nearby their family home when she was 12, and probably would've been murdered by her attacker had she not been able to escape... her mom dismissed the cops later when they showed up and said things were under control and her daughter would be fine. My cousin never received so much as therapy over that incident that nearly killed her.

(Her mom and dad just brushed the whole incident under the carpet. It in essence killed a part of her spirit when they did that, it made her feel insignificant like she didn't matter to them whether she survived or not. She has suffered for years since with self-esteem issues that started with that incident on the playground and her parents response. Her assailant was never caught. They weren't nearly as worried about his being arrested as they were keeping up appearances. In fact they wanted the whole incident to just disappear, like it never happened.)

My aunt was mayor twice where they live. The police have had parades for her on her birthday to celebrate her contributions to their community. She and her husband just think they're above the law (another sign of sociopaths.) The police who interviewed my uncle for the crime spree in my hometown were the same police who have the parade for my aunt on her birthday. It may have been a case of someone scratching someone else's back for favors.

Meanwhile the photo ID wasn't enough to hold up in court to get a conviction. That was all the police had here where I live to go on. My uncle had an airtight alibi, and lots of forged identities. My aunt's an expert caligrapher. I can only guess how much she aided and abetted her husband so they could keep up appearances in their million dollar neighborhood to keep up the facade that they're self-made millionaires. They're self-made alright.

A con artist's worst fear is publicity. Since my uncle was outed after his bank heist where I live, the police and Secret Service know who he is. That probably doesn't keep him up at night. But at least he knows they're watching him. He's close to 80 years old now. A con artist that old isn't going to rehabilitate. His personality is set for life. As for my aunt, she's become an alcoholic. Maybe that's her coping mechanism for her life of pretense at any cost.

The damage to my children was immense, because they were like grandparents to them. My aunt and uncle didn't have any grandchildren, so my children were their adopted grandkids. They literally put us through hell with my uncle's crime spree where I live. The fallout was such that my children resented me cutting them off from the handouts and money my aunt and uncle lavished on them. They were terrified of my uncle at first when he was identified on Crimestoppers. After the initial terror wore off, they were more like, okay Mom, why are you shutting off the pipeline to the gravy train?



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 08/27/2016 08:31PM by Amyjo.

That is such an incredibly hard experience you and your family went through, and I really appreciate you sharing it with me. How awful and so unfair for your cousin to go through that! Poor girl deserved better. The whole "keeping up appearances" is exactly how my dad is too. He still puts on an act like he's this spiritual, successful person. He never wants to talk about anything real. No real deeper feelings. It's all so surface so no one can see he has feelings (other than the fake tears as he's sharing his testimony...) It's always about how great sales are, and stupid crap like that. He's a total salesman, he even tries pulling sales tactics on his own family. I never noticed it ever, until who he really was came to light and then I took a step back and saw how it has always been...I was so blind to it before because I always thought I knew him differently. Being deceived by the person who I have always looked up to my whole life has been so painful and frustrating. I think I will go to counseling soon, I find that I get anxiety about the whole thing and then get angry about so many little things. When I first found out about him, general conference weekend came up and I tried watching it, but all I saw and heard were salesmen just like my dad. I asked my DH if he wouldn't mind turning it off because I was too upset watching men who reminded me of my dad. So we turned it off and have never watched it since. I would get panic attacks at church a lot until I decided to leave. I haven't had one since leaving. That's another thing, I had a couple of small bouts of cancer and my dad never called me once to see how I was healing after surgeries. He never acted like what I went through was a big deal. I almost died during the delivery of my first child and he never called me or even sent me flowers because he was so preoccupied with getting my little bro ready for a mission. It was so hurtful. On top of that, I had a couple bishops pushing me to serve as soon as I would get back to church from each surgery. All of the pieces started falling together in my mind as I was hurt and pushed too hard by priesthood leaders. I really hate leaders now. I saw how the church really was, especially with how they have called my dad into leadership positions for years as if they were inspired. If they truly were inspired then they would have felt he was a bad person. It just shows how fake the system is. One time before the whole mess happened, my DH was speaking with my dad about becoming a mission president and my dad told DH that a mission president he knew said "hey if you ever want to be one, I'll get you in" like it was a club. DH and I started seeing the church as a business when he said that. So many members act like cold salmon, no feelings or warmth. Anyhow, I don't plan on venting about my dad each time I get on here, but I really needed to get this off my chest and hear some kind words. I'm not sure what to tell my little girl. She asks about grandpa all the time and I don't know how to tell her we aren't going to be seeing him anymore...any advice on that?

*salesman not salmon haha!

I thought salmon was a pretty good description. You know, like, "cold fish".

I wish I knew. There are no easy answers. When it's your dad, it's like walking on eggshells from here on out.

You don't owe him respect or trust because he's betrayed your confidence and isn't trustworthy. Your daughter has to come first in order of priority.

If/when he decides to own up and take responsibility for his actions, and seeks to make amends and reparations, at least then you'll know he's making an honest attempt to repair the damage he's caused you. Until then it isn't your job to fix him. It's your job to protect your family and yourself by setting safe boundaries and then being firm about them.

Sounds like your dad is self-absorbed. Con artists lack empathy for others and the damage they cause. They have to really want to change and then make some serious effort if they're going to.

Sorry for all you've had to endure without a loving support system from your parents. You sound like you turned out fine in spite of him, but it still hurts because he isn't able to be there for you.

Stay strong for yourself and your family. And know it's okay to lean on those you can depend on, like your husband, when you're feeling weak and need a strong shoulder to lean on. Even a good cry can go a long ways to healing. It's okay.

((((hugs))))



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 08/27/2016 10:58PM by Amyjo.

Yes my daughter definitely comes first in priority, you're right about that. I see no good in keeping a relationship with him. It is hard though, because my little one is so young she doesn't understand. I think he shows no remorse at this point and doesn't want to hear why anyone is hurting. There are a lot of us kids too, so he would get an earful if we all decided to talk to him about it all.

Thank you so much! Some how I've been able to make it through everything and stay sane. My husband is really amazing and such a huge support to me. Plus I have a few sibling and a couple good friends that are there. The support is so comforting.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/27/2016 11:12PM by TheBishop'sDaughter.

Well I wish you all the best.

I know how hard it was for me to separate from my aunt and uncle over his criminal activities.

Cons will turn the table and make it out like you're the one with the problem, not themselves. Once you figure out their con they will go to great lengths to make sure no one else finds out because of their identity being exposed.

Maybe if you and your siblings were to give your father an ultimatum as to his conduct and cleaning up his act for the sake of his relationships with you and his grandkids going forward, and then leave it up to him to see if he's going to hear you and do something constructive like the hard work it's going to take for him to reform. That takes the onus off of you and puts it squarely on him, and lets him know you aren't going to enable him to get away with more destructive behavior. Or be a negative force of energy and a bad example to your kids in any way.

Admitting my uncle was a sociopath was really hard for me to do. But he left me no choice. I had absolutely no idea what he had become were it not for his bank heist in my community that netted him tens of thousands of dollars in 3 days of "work." In a way that was a gift to me, because had he not appeared on our local Crimestoppers that day in February my children nor I would have been none the wiser. We were the only ones in our metro area of over 2 million who could identify him to the local police. Because we were the only ones who knew him - his photo ID was our evidence right down to his arthritic cupped hands in the bank teller window.

I'm still amazed he wasn't arrested. He was always the cops only suspect where I live. That's how slick he was, to be able to get away with it. The banks told me they didn't care whether he got arrested or not because their losses were covered by insurance. Each of the tellers who lost thousands of dollars because of him would've been replaced and let go, but that's not the banks problem either. I felt more sorry for them.

Out of my siblings and extended family I was the only one to cut off all ties. He'd taken my children on a week long vacation throughout the region where we live in the months before he committed his heist. It makes my blood boil to know he was using them while he was scoping out his territory for when he came back later unbeknownst to us to commit his bank thefts.

He still is a sociopath. I do not feel bad for cutting off ties. I only wish I'd known sooner instead of later. He and my aunt spent lots of time alone with my children when they were growing up. Like you there was that element of trust like you had with your father, until his cover was blown. I had no idea.

Hurray for the easy pickings of affinity fraud.

I'm sorry that your father let you down so badly. That must feel horrible. You might consider getting counseling to help you process that and move on.

Best wishes to you moving forward. I'm glad that you have a number of siblings who have also left the church.