Posted by:
ouchless
(
)
Date: October 12, 2016 01:05AM
It's sad that your presence enables your wife to remain child-like, but your two main goals are to take care of your children, and lead (model) a healthy life.
So do that.
She doesn't have to accompany you, does she? Your older children and other friends can try the opera, differing cuisine, correct? If mom wants to stay home, so be it. You can take some kids some places, other kids other places. When you go to the comedy club with friends you met at art class, on the shooting range, in the reading or writing group/class, she can stay home, or if she changes her mind eventually, get a sitter if needed.
You need to live.
It's her choice to join you, or not.
Her mental illness(es) (or comfy-for-her choices) are not your prison. You CAN make healthy choices. If she becomes a danger to herself or others, professionals know how to deal with that.
As it is, she has little incentive to try to get better, or grow up.
Her child-like ways are not your childrens' prison, either. They need to see how adult women behave, interact in society. They need to have healthy female adult influence.
There are sculpting, reading, family activities to culturally expand their minds. Children can be absolutely awed by an orchestra, or dinner-playhouse. There's one in my area that has an extensive self-serve salad bar, then the servers bring your meal, then we watched those servers do a reasonably good job of West Side Story. Very enjoyable.
Start with a long drive, alone. Tell her you need time on your own, to think. An hour out, an hour back. You are not at work, or walking the floors at home looking for an adult to talk to. You are thinking what YOU want to do first. Stop and have a coffee and sandwich. Maybe write notes of what places, events or pursuits you'd like to investigate.
You are only as trapped as you allow.
Expect some blowback, some thrasing about, child-like fits, but you are not responsible for her behavior. I suspect she'll survive, but be kind as possible, change is scary for the young. Firm, kind, calm. This is your decision, and you choose to live. "Coming, dear? No? Maybe next time." Then go, be in the moment, enjoy yourself, share with others. Come home refreshed, tired, sated.
Yes, you have obligations, but, you also have only this one, short life. Your kids have only one childhood. Show them the authentic, grown-up, fun-loving, social, cultured, loving man you are.