I got through the day thanks to you all. Not a word from my TBM. Reflecting, tossing and turning. After a year my TBM broke it off exclaiming that we do not share the same values, followed by a church member telling me to "go away".
Crap- I am going to need to find a new dentist!
I have to GET that I will never GET this. He did not check in with me. His fav past time trick was the silent treatment.I think of what you all said and the words vibrate in my head. The strength I need perils in comparison to what many of you have had to do. I am not part of the brainwashing.It got on me. It is the self worth part that stings. I wish I could have had him without the church. My world travels bumping into his shelter. My free spirit with his restrictions.
If he is already tainted by being with me how does the church let him back? How come his cupcake isn't licked? I am Satan and he gets a planet, becomes a God and rules? Does he lose the garments for a year for playing with Satan girl? Does he feel horrible now? Does he have feelings? Did any of you know that you would leave the church, like a low rumbling? The sick part is I miss him immensely.I was just a game to him perhaps?
Today, I am going to get a cupcake and lick it in an obvious fashion and leave it at his mormon filled office....no. Does he hurt?
Really Sad Butterfly today

When I was a TBM teen, my bishop found out I was dating a (gasp!) catholic girl (after I took her to a stake dance, and my "friends" ratted me out to the bishop over bringing her).

He pulled me into his office, and told me in no uncertain terms that unless I wanted her to pull me down into the depths of hell, I had to break off this relationship immediately. And if she had already led me to "sin" (meaning sex), that we had to deal with that immediately so that I could regain my "worthiness" in time to honorably serve a mission.

He made her out to be satan incarnate -- and I mostly fell for it. I broke up with her. One of the kindest, sweetest people I'd ever met, and I tossed her out like yesterday's trash because some asshat of a bishop told me to.

The indoctrination runs deep, Butterfly. Enormous pressure is put on young mormons to only be with other young mormons, and to cast aside evil influences like you -- good, kind, honest, loving people who are extremely confused by what the mormon people they come to love wind up doing to them.

I feel for ya. I was that guy a long time ago. I'm not anymore, but he still is. :(

Yeah, Catholics, even ex-Catholics like myself, are a corrupting influence. Even though my TBM wife and I have been married for four years, it wasn't until the last few weeks that I realized just how much I've been "corrupting" her. I may have to downgrade (upgrade?...depending on perspective) her status from TBM to Jack Mormon, or even NOM.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/25/2016 11:52AM by surprenant.

My bishop at the time told me, "They [Catholics] don't understand god's laws. They think they can do whatever they want to, including having un-married sex, and be forgiven just by saying a few Hail, Marys. That's not what god has commanded, there are dire consequences to our actions!"

I just think he was jealous that I had a hot teenage girlfriend and I might get some, while he was stuck with his Utah-looking TBM wife and 6 kids...

"Utah looking wife..."

Oh, man, you may be about to reap the whirlwind...

For the record, I have no idea what Hie is talking about!, he smoothly lied.

elderolddog Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> For the record, I have no idea what Hie is talking
> about!, he smoothly lied.

:)

Here, maybe this will help:

https://www.google.com/search?q=the+utah+look+for+women&rlz=1C1CHBF_enUS707US707&espv=2&biw=1920&bih=974&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjDptOD2fjPAhXLrlQKHe6-ChAQ_AUIBigB#tbm=isch&q=the+utah+mormon+look

Way back in the day I dated a Catholic girl, this was over fifty years ago people, and she was up for all I wanted except sex. Hey, maybe things have changed since Vatican II. Damn, they still spoke Latin back then.

Back in the day, we snickered at the concept of "good Catholic girls."

I'm not saying that all "good Catholic girls" were hypocrites; but too many that I knew were well known for being truly "good Catholic girls" only when it suited them to be perceived as such.

I briefly dated a "good Catholic girl" who was having an affair with a married rabbi. When I learned about the affair, she assured me that we could still date on weekends because her paramour was unavailable during the Sabbath. Whuh!

Yeah, to paraphrase John Houseman, I became a cynic the old-fashioned way..I earned it.

No, I'm sorry to tell you that the standards are different for men. Mormon men are valued for having the priesthood; women are valued for being virgins until they are mothers. That's why the cupcake thing. No good, kind, decent righteous mormon man would ever want a woman who has been sullied by the hands of another man. Only women can be ruined by sexual sin. He will, at the most, get a slap on the wrist for having sex, but he will also get a pass because he broke up with you and recommitted himself to following all the stupid, nonsensical rules.

I know just what you're going through. During breakups, sometimes some people go through a revenge fantasy period of time where you wish and hope that the ex hurts as much as you do. I think it's rarely true.

Anyway, he won't lose any status and he'll still get his planet.

Yup. Truer words were never spoken, dogzilla.

Butterfly, I sincerely hope you heal. He's not worth your pain honey.

Love,
Shannon ;o)

Words may be vibrating in your head but one really lerns from experience. Words don't teach. Experience does. You are sad for now but oh so much wiser. You are over the hump.( If you do get the cup cake, just eat it your self and put more icing on it and indulge yourself completely.)

Don't aggravate your sadness by putting more energy into this and engaging in any way with him. Let the healing begin and that means focus on some things that will help you smile. You know you dodged a bullet. Be glad.

What are some activities that you have enjoyed in the past? Cooking, movies, books, going on a walk/hike ? Make a list. Even taking a nap will help you gain your regain your balance. (just don't let your mind go back when you wake).

Keep us in the loop as you heal and focus on good stuff. We are all cheering for you. Hugs

butterfly48 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> It is the self worth part that stings.

Yes, but this isn't really about your self-worth. It's that under his exterior that you love, he's a messed up man. Your love could never fix that. No one's could.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/25/2016 10:14AM by Stray Mutt.

If this is about your self-worth, you should note – strongly – that it will soon be in the “INCREASED” column, because you are that much wiser. You have not been used, unless you were “using” him, too. No. You invested your trust, your heart, in a human being, who turned out to be a dishonest scum bag. It can happen to anyone.

It's okay to grieve the loss, but you have not lost any part of yourself. You have lost a favorite pet snake pretending to be a human being. That is not to minimize your pain, but to recognize that you could never relate to or understand reptilian love. It only appeared to be human.

The sadness and anxiety will pass, you know this, and you will be stronger and wiser for this experience. A man of REAL worth will not try to hide you from others in his life. He will not make excuses, blame mommy or his “church” for his behavior. He will own it. When he makes a mistake or hurts your feelings, he will not use snake-like moves to wriggle out of responsibility.

You have learned much, butterfly, and it belongs to you. He cannot alter or remove it. He is a scummy bastard, stuck in never-never land (think Captain Hook) where as you are a beautiful creature of life, in the land of reality, ever learning, ever growing, ever morphing.

And you are right - stalking behaviors - NO.

In case nobody's mentioned it, the Church is basically a college for passive aggressive behavior. Apparently your BF is a good student. Sorry about your "loss".

In the Mormon church only girls can be licked cupcakes or chewed gum or fenceposts with nail holes all over them.

The men were just tempted by the women. It wasn't Adam's fault and it isn't the sons of Adam's fault all these centuries later.

The double standard is alive and well in the Mormon church. You have been played. Of course it hurts like hell.

The problem is, your TBM has a licked heart and a chewed soul. That is what Mormonism does to you.

Think of it as you're cutting your losses. And he was all of that. What you've gained as others have pointed out is experience on the learning curve of life.

You're grieving your loss, and that is a healthy sign. Don't give into despair because no man is worth what he caused you to go there. You are so much better than he'll ever be, as he's already demonstrated by his heartlessness and lack of courage.

Use this newfound freedom of yours as a voyage of self-discovery. Learning to be your own best friend will help you become more grounded going forward. You'll know better what you don't want in a relationship versus what you need and do cherish in one. That guy isn't worthy of your affection.

I hate to say it but, bottom line, we're all, always, alone. We come into this life alone and leave the same way. In between we meet people and connect with them more or less to different degrees, but they are never us and we are never them.

My wife and I are closer than most. But we will split some day, if only because one of us dies before the other. (I hope I die first, because I'm selfish.)

We must--WE MUST--come to grips with our inherent, basic, abject solitude. We must know our aloneness. Not as prophylaxis vs. the pain of separation but because it is the truth. We owe ourselves this truth, rather than the romantic fantasy, the drug.

Solitude is sober. All else is intoxication.

Only I am me. Nobody else has a clue.

^^^^^^^^^ This, Yes. Wow did I ever fight against this understanding for years. I was so hooked on co-dependency. It seemed I really had to struggle hard to accept and love me, and appreciate my alone-ness. Now that I am better able to do that, happiness keeps shining on me and keeps me high.

Wow, you put into words exactly what I needed to hear. I have acknowledged my alone-ness, but I had trouble accepting it.

I have a great family that I love dearly, but at some point, they will leave, or I will. I have to be good with myself, or I won't be able to survive that.

Thanks for that insight! applesauce

The trick-or-treat pail was bad. I want to tell you what real love and real gifts look like:

-saying you would like to read "that" book or watch "that" movie, and many months later, finding that book or movie on your pillow because he saw it and remembered you mentioned it.

-having a bad day, going home and putting your feet up, and having a bowl of soup and and sandwich appear in front of you, all hot and yummy, and you didn't have to do anything.

-running around like a crazy woman all day, leaving the dishes dirty, and having a 2 minute shower, coming out of which, and finding him doing the dishes.

-saying offhandedly, "I bet my car is ready for an oil change" and the next day, finding oil changed, carpet vacuumed, windows washed, and the tank filled.

-running into someone he works with, and having them mention something you said or did over the weekend....knowing he's talking about you to his friends.

-getting the groceries because you don't have time....and finding he added your favorite chocolate to the list.

-sitting in the dentist chair, and the hygienist says, "Is so-in-so your husband? He is such a nice man!"

That's just a few of the things my husband does. He doesn't buy flowers or jewelry, but I don't need him to...he does something little every day to show he loves me.

LOOK FOR THE GUY THAT DOES THIS! applesauce

I am sobbing now. :: sniff ::

^THIS^

I have had a taste of this and I want more.

Other examples from my own experience

*As a surprise while doing errands drops me off at salon to get my nails done. He has already arranged it, kisses me and says "Call me when you are all done..enjoy!"

*Takes my glasses off when I fall asleep reading a book. He tells me later it wasn't because he thought I would break the glasses, but that I didn't look comfortable.

*Introduces me to his friends with pride on his face.

*Come home grumpy and Im the only one he wants to spend time with. After just relaxing a bit and starting to laugh..gives the ultimate compliment. "I always feel better being around you sweetie, Thank you"

Love is real appreciation, acknowledgement and effort.

If a man shows you these things for no OTHER reason that to just make you happy...KEEP HIM.

RMM

Mormon men don't believe they are responsible for their own sexual feelings and choices; it's all on the woman. She is an expendable toy. This is how the game is played: dump the woman, blame her during a confession, and get a token slap on the wrist (or nothing) on the way back into full "worthy" status (until the next woman comes along). Rinse and repeat.

Here's the emergency first-aid list for you:
Think about what it was that man gave you that made you feel happy, cared-for, and emotionally fulfilled. Then, give yourself at least three of those things every week for the next month. The way he made you feel is, in fact, replaceable and replicable.

Read this: http://marthabeck.com/2013/02/heartbreak-academy/

Sweat those bonding hormones out of your system with a good hard run, some serious lifting, a big hike or anything that isn't the hot yoga place where you met him. Drink lots of water (perrier is good). Keep doing yoga -- somewhere else.

Hold a private ritual to formally close out the relationship (there are some good ones online, or get a pagan friend to help you plan one). Then, leave emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. It's weirdly like being tossed back on the shore of your own life after a shipwreck, shivering and disoriented -- but the ship is gone. No going back to the Titanic.

You are worth way more than the energy you're still investing in this man who used you, demeaned you, and dumped you. Sure, it hurts, but now you have yourself and your life back, which is much better.

I'm sort of known for my bitchy vindictiveness and have to tell you these 'move on and don't give him your energy people' are right.
But I really like the cupcake idea.
Just enough smartass and it turns any conversation back on them.
I would probably do it.
He probably won't even get it.

True. the boys didn't get "licked cupcake" "chewed gum" lessons in Sunday school.

But I still think it's hilarious...

(I'd do it, but I'm a bitch that way too).

;o)

What does this mean:
Thank you all. Keep in mind we are 50 with grown kids. This am he dropped off an "Im sorry and have a special day"( and today is a special day for my family which he knew about ).I was expecting flowers or a years coupon for the yoga class.
A year into our relationship and he had bought me nothing ever, and we split dinners when we went out.
Instead I received...
Wait for it....
A 50 cent black Halloween witches brew trick-or-treat bucket, inside: stickers, a kids pen with pumpkins, M&M's (which I don't eat) and a pair of socks (too small,tag removed) and a little stuffed Charlie Brown toy (dog toy?) with a bat on it. A kids card with a firefighter on it, nothing written inside. And a piece of paper. Written on it: "I could not find a card that I liked. Sorry for your pain. I adore you and liked hanging out with you. " love .....
DUDE.
Done with the pet snake.
Off to MY yoga class, he will not be there.
Was that intentionally mean? Did he treat his former wife like this?
Looking forward to being a real cupcake.....the kind with no rules, lots of frosting, and having a partner with SEXY BOXERS!! No bishop in my bedroom!
Pissed off Butterfly but getting better.

Goooood. Let the hate flow throooough you. /Emperor Palpatine

I don't know what it means other than mormons are emotionally stunted and tend to display arrested development. So you got a consolation gift that would be more appropriate for a child.

I'd be pissed off too. Let that anger fuel your resolve to move past this guy. And good luck finding a nice boxer-shorts wearing fella. I like men in boxers too. ;>)

>>A year into our relationship and he had bought me nothing ever, and we split dinners when we went out.

Oh, for the love of the good lord. NO. No man gets to treat you this way. And that gift was beyond juvenile. This man has not progressed emotionally beyond high school. Maybe middle school.

Either be with a man who treats you right, or be by yourself. But PLEASE don't let a man treat you shabbily again.

Feel very, very sorry for whatever poor unfortunate Mormon woman gets him next.

There's a reason his former wife hit the road. He's showing and telling you all about it. He's been telling you who he is, and you don't want to believe him. Believe him, he's not lying about this one.

He's cheap, selfish, self-absorbed, a user, a user, a user, and for some reason you can't see that you are waaaay too good for him. Don't send him anything, don't text, call, e-mail, nothing. In fact, block his number and remove his information from your phone/computer. He isn't worth the time and space he's still stealing from you. He's probably getting off on the fact that you're still paying attention and doing the jilted lover routine. He thinks that women are falling all over him and won't leave him alone. You certainly don't want him thinking that at your expense. Please stop doing that. You're making a fool of yourself.

That bucket of kiddie junk he sent you is nothing more than adding insult to injury. It wouldn't surprise me if it was something one of his patients gave to him, and he passed it on to you so he didn't have to throw it out. Dentists do that a lot. They get cheap junky stuff from their kid patients. You can only keep just so much of that stuff. If you were around at Christmas there are tons of chocolates, cookies, candies, and who knows what. No tickets to Europe for the Holidays though.

You're a better person then him. Spend some time with you. Go get a massage and wash that man right out of your hair. Get a manicure, buy a new outfit. Do everything for yourself that he was too selfish to do. Be beautiful and kind to yourself. You've been deprived while waiting around for him to catch on.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 10/27/2016 03:03AM by madalice.

Oh darlin' Mormons are perpetual adolescents. He probably thought that was a cute, funny gift that would erase all of his guilt and all of your pain...

I'm so sorry sweetie.

;o)

I feel your pain, I am also considered a licked cupcake. I tell them though "If I'm a licked cupcake sir, you are a rotten fruitcake muffin that the creepy possible homicidal maniac the street gave me for Christmas." I end it with a one finger salute. Mormon men really are some of the worst people I've dated.

Princess T...I just wanted to comment that after reading many of your posts, I really like your style.
You go girl. :)

Old post but I have to respond as much as it's hated I am superbitch and don't let nobody mess with me. Tough for a girl whose name is a play on a My Little Pony Character :)

Keep in mind, he doesn't really get a planet, he doesn't really become a god, and he doesn't really get to rule. The people who believe he will are the ones who believe you are evil. Does it really matter what their opinion of you is?

Mormons tend to support their own no matter what. This goes double for mormon priesthood guys. Your ex wouldn't have to blame you for his "transgressions" because the bishop and others would make that assumption without his help. On any personal issue, mormons assume the less devout person or the non-mormon to be at fault. Mormons spin stories with no basis in fact to prove their points and they believe their tales absolutely. Many of them think the ideas come from God that can explain away mormon sin and hype it up with non-mormons.

You are seriously lucky to be rid of this guy and his taskmaster, the mormon church. You dodged a toxic no-win situation.

Many posters have married guys like this one and are then trapped feeling everyone is against them. I wouldn't touch a guy like your ex for anything. It would be worse than getting in a tussle with the tar baby in Hell.

"A 50 cent black Halloween witches brew trick-or-treat bucket, inside: stickers, a kids pen with pumpkins, M&M's (which I don't eat) and a pair of socks (too small,tag removed) and a little stuffed Charlie Brown toy (dog toy?) with a bat on it. A kids card with a firefighter on it, nothing written inside. And a piece of paper."



Okay. That is just a whole new level of creepy. Has no idea what an adult woman might enjoy, instead,


" Written on it: "I could not find a card that I liked. Sorry for your pain. I adore you and liked hanging out with you. " love .....
DUDE."



He shopped for a card and gifts for HIMSELF, and they were juvenile gifts. After a year of opportunity to notice your preferences and tastes, nada. It's all about what the snake wants, and he's so out of touch with you it's scary. I fear that you're going to end up needing to beat him off with a stick, or restraining order.

These I I I me me me types are very deceptive, seductive and emotionally abusive, and his behavior has been emotionally abusive.

And he never even bought a meal for you? Or a grocery store bouquet? The "sorry for your pain" - he's not hurting, then offers flattery - for what? He likes hurting beautiful things?

Love??? Love is an act, it is generosity of self, it is empathy, even sacrifice. He has no clue who you are or what you're feeling. He couldn't even manage a sandwich or a lunch in a year, but shows up with dollar store toys. Even were he poor, he couldn't put $1 / week in a jar for you, skip a lunch today to share one with you tomorrow. I just developed another idea about him. He is way, way too stupid for you.


Oh, lucky, lucky, smart butterfly, fly fly fly away like you have only this one day, this one life to live.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success/t201409/10-signs-youre-in-relationship-narcissist

want this guy in my life. What a pathetic gift. I had to teach my ex how to give me gifts. I did tell him that if he were in a relationship with me, then he had to give me gifts, good gifts. He has learned well. I quit having to make him lists. (He is my ex now for a good reason as per other posts on this board, though we are good friends and he still gives me gifts.)

My boyfriend is pretty good at gifts, though he tends to like to get me things he thinks I want, so I tell him beforehand.

I also pay for part of our "dates," but he pays for the majority of them.

I think I felt the need more so because when dating mormons, they acted so pathetic about paying my way. But it sets you up. When my ex left, then he just thought everything was mine to take care of and that he didn't need to pay anything.

I could say "Mormon men," but mormon women can be just as bad.

I know you are emotionally tied to this guy, but this is NOT who you would want to end up with. There are many, many times we are better off alone. This is one of those situations.

Glad you are finally done with that snake!
Stay pissed off for a while and don't let him slither back into your life in any way -- you deserve much better than this creeper.

Take his bucket full of dollar-store kiddie items straight to the thrift store or garbage bin, or better yet, torch it and watch it burn.

I adore all of you......I deleted everything....which did not take much as he never gave me anything, not even a hickey!
I stared at my dollar store items and could hear each of you and your words and am now home with a new salt lamp from Arizona, my BFF bought me. A medicine man came to smudge my home and I cleared my home and me, family members, and pets with all good vibes. Good thoughts, good words, good deeds.
I am now so grateful for each of you that had the guts, the courage, the will to escape the ugliest cult I have ever experienced.
How do I pay this forward?
I am reading the CES letter again and again. I want to send him the book in a plain brown wrapper. Can I?
However, deep down, I miss my pet snake, and I must stay strong.
I still want to drop off licked cupcakes and post SNAKE on his windshield while he is inside worshiping the exclusive cult...in his garments that he wears hypocritically.....
Bufferfly repairing

Nope, you may NOT send him the CES letter. You must invoke the Cone of Silence® in order for you to heal from this experience and get your head right again. Do not contact him, not even anonymously or through a proxy. Do not waste one more thought on him. Follow madalice's advice: self-nurture and treat yourself as he should have treated you. That does not include initiating any contact whatsoever.

If the situation were reversed -- if you'd dumped him and he was struggling with getting over the relationship -- I'd give you the exact same advice. The only way to move forward is to stop looking backward. Let him live with his brainwashing; he deserves it.

You know what? Do you live in Utah????

Morons are the worst. Been there.

Do you like honest guys with a creek in their backyard? Fire ring? Coffee can chicken?? Hiking? Quiet nights with someone who just wants to cuddle and watch a good movie. Laughs at you and you laugh at them? Cherishes your opinion and asks for it. You want the same? Trusts and respects you, especially when you disagree? You'll do and pledge the same. Blah, blah, blah...

Will never happen with a TBM guy.

Get over this. Morons live by guilt. Get over it now or get over it later. Just get over it!!!!!

He hurts you now or he hurts you later. Trust me. You will be his servant.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/26/2016 07:13PM by incognitotoday.

You have dodged a bullet which would have given YOU a life you would regret.

It feels sad now but the plain truth is that the man you love never existed. There is no him without the church, not without a transformational experience in which he sheds the group identity and freely chooses life as a free individual, with all the risks that involves.

No binding god to "his promises." LOL!

I'm sure you realize that the things he "has" - the planets, the Celestial Kingdom, the superiority ARE ALL DELUSIONS and he would have dragged you into that dungeon and dragons game where he has all the gifts and abilities and priesthood powers and revelation and where you have .... a vagina.

I lift my champagne flute to you and celebrate the money you will not waste, the children that will not chain you to a man who puts his priesthood brethren and his magic power tithing money ahead of food on the table for you and his children.

Trust me, many of us wish we were back in time and could make the choice you just did. OR....

you can pretend you came back in time and because of your good heart, you are getting a second chance to make the right decision.



Kathleen

If you want revenge, the surest way there is to act as if he no longer lives on this planet.

Don't ever, ever respond to another overture he makes toward you.

The basket of goodies was about him making himself feel better about screwing you--and possibly about trying to keep you on his hook--just in case.

My advice: Ignore him. I wish I could say I'd done the same. You'll get an added bonus of reclaiming your dignity.

Good luck.

Don't send him anything, not even the CES letter. No contact means no contact. Here's one of my favorite websites to help: http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/

Or...if you choose to expand your experience and continue to be whip lashed you can refuse to learn from what you just went through and keep picking up the tab of whatever he dishes out to you. As stated before, words do not teach, experience does but you have to give heed to the discomfort that your choices have given you.

Putting all the blame on him only takes you so far. You know what you do not want in your life. Now what is it you do want? If the answer to that is that you want to change someone else or hope someone else changes, then you haven't learned to be honest with yourself and responsible for your choices. Another train wreck is in waiting.

When I was younger, I had a boyfriend I adored more than anything. We dated for over two years, and spent a ton of time together. However, I started going through a period of anxiety, and began going to church with a friend. He dumped me asap, without even so much as a discussion.

It was horrible, horrible, horrible, but for all that, I knew (because this was a cultish thing) that I wouldn't have been able to "keep" him anyway, because he "wasn't Christian", and I would have "had" to break it off with him. I would have done it, too, because as much as I adored him, the whole religion-guilt thing totally took over my brain.

So, much as I loved him, (and we had been so inseparable that my family made up a blended name for us, years before "Brangelina" etc.) "God" meant more.

You can't win against "God". Years later, I talked to the ex, and he knew that, and that's why he didn't even try. Because there is no way to fight it when someone believes they must choose between you and God. You may win some time here and there, which you did, but ultimately, it's going to be a losing battle. The person will always feel guilty and wrong, and will fight their relationship with you. You don't need years and years of his waffling until one of you breaks down and ends it. Really, you are saving a lot of suffering if it ends now.

Best wishes, and sending a million hugs.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 10/27/2016 05:40AM by KiNeverMo.

"His fav past time trick was the silent treatment." That's because Heavenly Father's way of disciplining people is with passive aggression. It's in the Bible somewhere.

Thank you. Day 2 of no contact. He has not tried to contact me ether I look forward to the day when I am so far above this pain that I can look down and see him in his miserable, child like state of ignorance and stupidity. I will wear my satan, witch, outsider, licked cupcake role well!
I am not in Utah, but in the West.....lonely cowboy country.....
Off to make a batch of cupcakes!!!!
I have obsessively watched every mormon you tube out there.
IS the church really losing or gaining numbers/members?
Licked Butterfly

I agree with others in that the best thing to do is not have any contact, and I'd even take it to the point of unfriending and blocking him on social media and having his e-mails go straight to your spam folder. I also think that the best form of revenge is to act like he doesn't exist, as to me, indifference is far more stronger than hate.

The trick or treat pail is definitely childish, as it shows that like many Mormons, he never matured past middle school at most.

My ex TBM spouse is the Father of our kids..so I cant entirely go No Contact.

I have been in toxic relationships where I had to go full blown No Contact..and with someone I was deeply in love with who kept circling round my way often. (But sucked at relationships)

1. The first rule of NC is you are doing this for YOURSELF. You are not doing it to get back, "show them", punish them, or make them suffer. You are doing this for your own protection and healing. You are deciding that you will not permit circumstances where either one of you contribute to confusion, conflict and pain.

2. Every time you wonder how the other person is doing, do something nice for yourself or another person you love that you ARE in a healthy relationship with. Your heart is looking for and outlet. Give yourself a healthy one.

3. Go DO something you enjoy doing that your forgot about or left behind because you made "exceptions" around your No Contact person. The choice should be healthy and happy for you.

4. Write yourself a list of everything this person did to hurt you. I stored mine on my computer and anytime I got lonely and started to feel like I could contact the person and open up to them again...I read that list. That calmed the craving right down.

5. Remember that craving a person is much like detoxing from sugar. They can become an addiction. They really aren't good for you and you just became so attached and needed them for your ego. Sometimes we look at relationships like and investment and dammit, we want our "pay" for our efforts. It is easy to think that people owe us something for our effort with them. The truth is they owe us nothing. What we owe ourselves is to seek out friendships and relationships that are reciprocating, mature, emotionally stable and have room to grow towards each other.

If all else fails...start singing "Let it Go"..

RMM

Did you have any children with her? I am assuming the children involved in your relationship with her from another thread you posted were all hers from a previous relationship.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/04/2016 01:53PM by canary21.