Has anyone here had to completely start over socially and familially after leaving the church?

Any general coping advice?

It might seem daunting but it's better to start over than to give in. Add up your skills and assets and factor in your hopes and dreams. Work out a plan to get from where you are to where you want to be.

If we knew more about you, we might be more specific.

Be strong. Many of us have good lives as exmos and you can too.

Wishing you all the best.

For the past five years, I was shunned by all LDS friends.

This year, however, two of those TBMs decided that that damned apostate, Kathleen, was a darn good friend, and those have personally sought me out to tell me that no-matter-what, their respect for me is still intact, and one actually agrees that the church was a hoax.

Our oldest child still hasn't come around, but he might.

To answer your question, yes, I had to start over, and the only coping advice I have is to know that you crawled out of a lie. That takes bravery when your whole life/lifestyle was based on that lie. And realize that life is beautiful, and even though you threw away your anti-blunder underwear, a piano won't fall on your head.

--and that God (if you are still a believer) still loves you.

Enjoy the coffee--it's good for you.

Good luck!

--> you crawled out of a lie <--

You say that like it’s a bad thing. Train wrecks must be good for something.

I am a fairly optimistic person. I just don't want to make a rebound mistake (like going out and joining a different cult.) I have to admit, I like people and looking back the thing that has kept me in the LDS church this long has been friends and family. That being said, even my good friends and especially my TBM family will freak. I may have a couple of my kids who will be ok, but they are going to be lobbied heavily to see my short comings. Certainly me leaving the church will be due to my failures and nothing to do with my refusal to continue to go along with a group that I find to be repulsive. I don't want to put them in the middle.

I imagine this will be like moving to a new town, only when I moved in the past I had family and ward friends.

How do I even get started?

There are ex mormon groups all over. Maybe one is near you?

Hopefully find support and friends there.

Meet up is supposedly another good way to find people with simular likes. Personally never tried it though prople at work have.

What parts need to start over? Are you married? Are you employed? Are you looking to move? Can you be a little more specific?

The usual advice is to just take a break. Later on you can try a church that isn’t all culty. Just say you need to take a break. You can’t sustain the leaders at all and you can’t believe JS was a prophet. So, what are you doing there? If they wanted you there, they’d have fruitful discussions with God about all these gaping holes.

I lost practically everything: wife, kids, friends. It happened at a time when I was scheduled to take a new job in a distant and strange city. The only thing I had left was my TBM parents' love, although I know they must have wept buckets of tears over me.

It was a gradual recovery, but I recovered. A comletely new life, learning to live "in the world," making new friends, finding new loves. It all turned out wonderfully.

That all happened decades ago. It is now in the distant past.

Remember the old saying: "You'll never get where you're going unless you leave where you are."

I've started over so many times that starting over is normal now.

Be kind to yourself, but not so much that you hurt people you really shouldn't hurt. The rest will take care of itself.

One key principle: It's better to be alone than in bad company. (old Mexican saying!)

I walked out of mormon religiosity about 4 years ago, and it was very simple for me. No reason to be there, and I wasn't missed at all after I left.

But a few years ago I was run out of my career, a decent paying job, my house, a life I had sort of carved out for myself in a new city, independence. Yes that was tough, yes it was unfair. And yes no one cared. Fakebook friends and relatives showed no compassion. There is so much fake sympathy on fakebook for dead babies or whatever but nothing for other peoples problems (which can be just as bad).

The way I got through it was to go back to retail and work my way up. I made some good investments when the economy was bad, took on a lot of good debt and surprisingly have quite a number of assets that are doing really well. I have Much more than before. But if all that happened now, I don't think things would have turned out so rosy. I look at how real estate has doubled in the last 5 years and wonder how anyone can afford it?

What got me through was keeping my mind focussed on my goals, thinking about the good things I was trying to do. My advice to everyone is to study the market and economy and prepare to get in when the going is good and wait to make a killing.

I have, it's been brutal but necessary.

One key principle: It's better to be alone than in bad company. (old Mexican saying!)

Thank you EOD for this saying! I always felt this way, and it feels very affirming to know it's an old saying!

I was "balanced" about the Mormons I knew. Some of them physically and verbally abused my children! They all lied to us. They disrespected us, because we were a "broken home." I was a working mother. Bla-bla. There's no excuse to be cruel to another human being. I did like a few of them--my so-called "friends".

Now, after losing all my TBM "friends" and being shunned, I honestly agree with the OP, that this group is REPULSIVE.

Shunning is supposed to make you feel so lonely and un-loved, that you go crawling back to the cult. Shunning opened my eyes at how rude and shallow and brainwashed with lies the Mormons really are.

Starting over was a joy for me! It was energizing, and exciting. I was giddy with freedom. My children were exulting with me. We skied on Sundays, and sometimes worked on Sundays, and Saturdays were free, as well.

Look at your life, lowpriest, and you will see that you don't have to "start over", at all! You are free to enjoy what is already in your life! The MOrmon cult gives you nothing that is real and lasting. It only TAKES from you. It takes away your self esteem, your money, your freedom on the weekends, your relationships, your energy, your joy, your soul. You are free to be the true person you have always been.

You already have love! The most important love in your life is the love you hold in your own heart. That's the only love you can really count on! I learned that lesson the hard way, but I have more love in my life than I ever imagined.

Your family is still there. You don't have to start over. You can make a fresh start. There's a difference. You can be honest, now. The ones who love you will come around. I was surprised that my parents didn't believe in the temple at all, and they didn't believe in polygamy in heaven, and they never wore their garments. My closest cousins quit the Mormon cult, and we are closer, as fellow "conspirators in crime." My children are closer than ever, and they love me all the more, for rescuing them from the "cult of hatred and despair".

If you work, you have colleagues. Colleagues can be even more satisfying than "friends", because you are working together to accomplish something, and you bring each other energy, instead of draining energy. My colleagues are very upbeat and interesting. We also laugh a lot. Not one of them is Mormon.

Your best "support system" is your doctors, nurses, local police and fire fighters, Instacare, a good mechanic, a good plumber, your mailman and garbage collectors. These people offer the best professional help. A bishop or home teacher will give you a "blessing"--what is that. Nothing that really helps. When you lose a loved one, a plate of cookies just doesn't do it. Having someone tell you to suck it up and go teach your Sunday school class ANYWAY, is not helpful. All that most Mormons care about is their stupid cult. You have lost nothing.

You aren't "starting over", you are continuing on your life path, unfettered by that dark cloud that was dragging you down and holding you back.

I'm excited for you! Congratulations on finding the truth, and standing by it!

I moved away from Utah to get away from toxic relatives and mormonism. I do not regret it.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/30/2018 08:59AM by Dave the Atheist.

TBM wife divorced me and I lost my job working for the Church.

Yeah, I had to start over.