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Posted by: Darren Steers ( )
Date: October 30, 2018 08:17AM

I'm thinking it won't be long before astronomers determine that the sun "borrows" its light from an unknown and distant governing star. They may not be looking for this, but Elohim has set it all up so that the Parker Solar Probe will find the truth.

And a reminder, from the Book of Abraham, Facsimile 2, number 5

"Is called in Egyptian Enish-go-on-dosh; this is one of the governing planets also, and is said by the Egyptians to be the Sun, and to borrow its light from Kolob through the medium of Kae-e-vanrash, which is the grand Key, or, in other words, the governing power, which governs fifteen other fixed planets or stars, as also Floeese or the Moon, the Earth and the Sun in their annual revolutions. This planet receives its power through the medium of Kli-flos-is-es, or Hah-ko-kau-beam, the stars represented by numbers 22 and 23, receiving light from the revolutions of Kolob."

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Posted by: GregS ( )
Date: October 30, 2018 09:10AM

Nothing new under the sun. Just another case of Joseph Smith, or one of his cadre, drawing upon some contemporary fad.

As Grant Palmer noted in "An Insider's View of Mormon Origins":

"The astronomical phrases and concepts in the Abraham texts were also common in Joseph Smith's environment. For example, in 1816 Thomas Taylor published a two-volume work called The Six Books of Proclus on the Theology of Plato. Volume 2 (pp. 140-146) contains phrases and ideas similar to the astronomical concepts in Abraham 3 and Facsimile No. 2. In these six pages, Taylor calls the planets 'governors' and uses the terms 'fixed stars and planets' and 'grand key.' Both works refer to the sun as a planet receiving its light and power from a higher sphere rather than generating its own light through hydrogen-helium fusion. LDS scholar R. Grant Athay, a research astronomer and director of the University of Colorado Observatory, has written, 'At the time that the Book of Abraham was translated…the energy source of the sun was unknown,' and 'the concept of one star influencing another was also a common concept of the time.'"

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Posted by: ificouldhietokolob ( )
Date: October 30, 2018 09:12AM

Um,, it won't.

Related note: how does anyone not simply laugh out loud at the made up, trying to sound Egyptian names Smith invented? Hah-ko-kau-beam for stars with "sunbeams," etc. So silly.

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Posted by: Darren Steers ( )
Date: October 30, 2018 10:42AM

It only sounds silly to those who do not fully understand the depth and profundity of the message and the truths contained therein.

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Posted by: ificouldhietokolob ( )
Date: October 30, 2018 10:57AM

Right. So...that means it's silly to everyone, and mormons just pretend it isn't silly (since they don't understand any of that stuff either). Got it.

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Posted by: Darren Steers ( )
Date: October 30, 2018 10:58AM

This solar probe also brings up another important issue. At its fastest it will travel at 428,700mph. That's pretty fast, even by the standards of a modern muscle car.

Anyway, since 1 day for us equals 1000 years on Kolob that must mean the probe is travelling at 156,495,347,222mph in the Kolob time zone. Which as all you so-called-scientists know, is a lot faster than the speed of light (670,600,000mph).

Therefore God can break the speed of light at will, that's how awesome he is. The laws of physics don't apply anymore and he can use "Kae-e-vanrash" to power the sun to keep all his Celestial little babies warm and cosy.

Elohim 1 - Einstein 0

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Posted by: Wally Prince ( )
Date: October 31, 2018 12:06AM

The evidence that Joseph Smith just played around with words and names to come up with his phony words and names is overwhelming.

"Shine go on" Oh, that's silly. Let's rearrange Shine by saying it backwards. "Enish"

"Master Mason" Can't put that in the book verbatim. Sounds too modern. How about "Master Mahan"

"Masonry" That's a big thing in Joe's life. It keeps popping into his head as he's thinking up new words. Well, if "Mason" can be "Mahan", how about "Masonry" becoming "Mahonri".

Oliver, I've got a revelation for you. You're secret name is "Olihah". It's probably Adamic, you know.

Know a guy named Josiah? How about making up a character named "Mosiah"?

A guy name Lemuel is the landlord to whom your financially struggling family has to pay rent? How about putting that name into your phony book as a sketchy character.

Know another guy name Luman, sometimes spelled as Laman? How about putting him together with Lemuel?

Spend a lot of time gazing at a peepstone, do you? Well, how about making up a character name Gazelem.

Obsessed with that guy named William Morgan? How about making up a bunch of names derived from the name Morgan? Can't say "Morgan" outright, but how about Mormon, Moron, Moroni, Moronihah....?

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Posted by: Wally Prince ( )
Date: October 31, 2018 12:24AM

He keeps thinking about it. The word "bollocks" wants to find expression in one of his fictional works.

Okay, drop the "s" at the end and pronounce it backwards. Change the spelling a bit so it's not too obvious and you get "Kolob".

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Posted by: Dave the Atheist ( )
Date: October 30, 2018 10:18AM

"Mormon Theologians agree that God lives on a distant planet, the planet KOLOB. It's located in the constellation Cancer, sector 2813. Kolob means "the first creation" -- which is "nearest to the celestial, or the residence of God", (Abraham 3:2 – 3, 9) as McConkie assures us. It is called the Celestial Kingdom.

Constellation Cancer. KOLOB, or OJ287 shines an overwhelming beacon of light onto Earth. This is associated with the path to and from the Celestial Kingdom. KOLOB os sometimes spelled Q'LOB, short got Quasar-stellar LDS Object or Quasi-stellar LDS Object.

See derivation of spellings of Koran, Quran, Quoran or Qur'an. As an aside: In 1961, a model of color television set, the QUASAR, was named in honor of this Celestial Kingdom on KOLOB, (QLOB) by the inventor of modern electronic TVs. He was Philo Farnsworth Born in Beaver Creek, Utah, U.S.A., on August 19th 1906.

"Our scriptures say that God told Moses only about this planet," said LDS apostle Neal A. Maxwell in a recent television interview. "But we're not worshiping a one-planet God." (Salt Lake Tribune Aug 1996 Vol. 252 No. 118).

We believe that Mormonism is an outer-space-oriented religion. One of our Scriptures state -- as far it has been translated correctly -- "And thus there shall be the reckoning of the time of one planet above another, until thou come nigh unto Kolob, which Kolob is after the reckoning of the Lord's time; which Kolob is set nigh unto the throne of God, to govern all those planets which belong to the same order as that upon which thou standest".
Until recently, the star which Kolob orbits has not been known. In late 1999 and especially in 2008, Mormon astronomers at Brigham Young University, using the Hubble telescope, obtained faint images of this star, which they tentatively named Kakistocra-99b2, or OJ287 . It turns out that Kakistocra, a G2.5 type star, falls squarely just next to our sun on the famous Hertzsprung-Russell diagram of stellar evolution.

This lends further support to the Mormon claim that Kolob is an Earth-like planet, just one of Elohim's "Worlds without number" (Other authorities disagree: Isaiah 30:26. As the Mormon apostle Maxwell puts it, "There are other humanoids on other planets unknown to us."

"As yet we do not know where the planet Kolob is located, but it, as well as the throne of God, must be a tremendous distance from the earth. Any personage coming from the presence of God would need to travel a tremendous distance to reach earth."
~ Alvin R. Dyer, "BYU Speeches", April 7, 1964, pp. 14-15

Unfortunately, the planet Kolob itself has not yet been imaged. Plans are underway by BYU astronomers, using the new three meter active optics telescope on the summit of Mauna Kea in Hawaii, to image this star in the infrared spectrum.

The Voyager space craft which was launched many years ago, and which is heading out into the interstellar medium, is by coincidence heading in the direction of the star Kakistocra. It will, in the year A.D. 2882900, approach the Kakistocra system in sector 2812, within about 300,000 kilometers.

This is a flea's hop on the cosmological scale! It's so close, it would be a bit like hearing the airline pilot announce "Our flight today will take us by the city of Salt Lake, 3 inches away from it." Cosmic Coincidence?

Perhaps Jesus-Jehovah, or one of the angels or some alien astronaut, as yet un-hatched and living on his planet of pre-existence, will intercept Voyager. Perhaps the Golden Phonograph Record, which is on board of Voyager will at some distant future day be played on a celestial phonograph!
The church has told us, that because of divine revelation, it has asked NASA to engrave on this Golden Platter, a cut from the Mormon Tabernacle's rendition of "If You Could Hie to KOLOB". Such possibilities are enough to make one think!"

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Posted by: babyloncansuckit ( )
Date: October 31, 2018 12:21AM

I suppose Beaver Creek was founded by polygamists.

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Posted by: perky ( )
Date: October 30, 2018 10:52AM

I hope on the way back the probe will also find evidence of Quakers on the Moon, as suggested by Horney Joe and brother Brigham.

From Mormon Think:

- Prophet Brigham Young, Journal of Discourses, v. 13, p. 271

“As far back as 1837, I know he [Smith] said the moon was inhabited by men and women the same as this earth, and that they lived to a greater age than we do – that they live generally to near the age of 1000 years. He described the men as averaging near six feet in height, and dressing quite uniformly in something near the Quaker style.”

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Posted by: Concerned Citizen 2.0 ( )
Date: October 30, 2018 05:06PM

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Posted by: smirkorama ( )
Date: October 30, 2018 08:37PM

yah! yah! sure! and the hidden underground room in the Hill Cumorah with stacks and stacks of gold and other metallic plates in it will be discover, totally validated ( that wretched fraud ) MORmON founder PERVERT Joe SMith Junior.

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Posted by: sparty ( )
Date: October 30, 2018 10:10PM

The divinely translated “Egyptian” makes me wonder how I ever believed that shit. I do like the idea of Kolob though - I don’t believe it, but the whole idea of riding through space and arriving at the edge of creation makes me want to write SciFi fantasy about it. Hie to Kolob was always one of my favorite hymns as a Mormon - along with being set to one of my favorite pieces of classical music, I loved the imagery of the lyrics.

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Posted by: Lethbridge Reprobate ( )
Date: October 30, 2018 10:53PM

Won't change a thing for me. I still won't care.

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