... to receive your own endowment?

For most unendowed TBM's, the temple ceremony is so shrouded in mystery that the imagination can run wild. And any little bits and pieces of intelligence encountered prior to our initiation--from both reliable and not-so-reliable sources--may have only served to intensify the confusion (and possibly the anxiety).

Fortunately for me, I attended a fairly well presented temple prep class (mid 1980's) right before my inaugural excursion so I wasn't hugely surprised by what went on. The class definitely addressed, although obviously somewhat obliquely, the receiving of "signs and tokens," although I don't remember if the "penalties" were ever discussed.

I actually thought the overall temple experience was a bit mundane. I enjoyed the Creation sequence, but for me most of what followed was very rote and uninspiring. And those penalties (removed in 1990), which were so shocking to many, didn't faze me; I fairly quickly came to the conclusion that allowed most everything in the endowment to be taken non-literally.

By way of anecdote, there was on my mission one elder (not a companion, but a missionary roommate) who stated that the endowment had been so hyped up in his mind, yet couched in such secrecy, that he wouldn't have been surprised if (and I quote) "ol' Christ himself had shown up!" What seemed ridiculous to him in retrospect was before his initiation distinctly plausible! In this context I found the mild blasphemy quite humorous and chuckled along with him.

Of course, everyone's speculations and predictions about the temple aren't going to be the same. So, if you care to share ... please tell us what YOU were expecting before your first temple experience.

Well, we're a few days short of me going through 54 years ago. And then I only went two more times, once a week later while at the old SLC Mission Home (where I slept with another man), and then in late May of 1968, in order to have legal sex.

I didn't realize it at the time, but I had a testimony based on the people in my ward. I am fairly certain that the majority of them meant it when they said "I know the church is true!"

I had no idea what went on in the temple. I figured sex was not involved, so I was already prepared to be disappointed.

I tell myself that because I was a lot more well-read than the average 20-year-old, that I had a better understanding of what truly constituted *weird*. So when I walked out of the St. George temple, I truly believed that what I'd experienced was not only truly weird, but completely fabricated by the hand and mind of mortal man...a weird man, at that.

And when I was joined out there by my bishop and his lovely wife, the opinion began to jell in my mind that these lovely people were utterly and completely caught up in a delusion. Not very nice of me was it?

So there I was, pretty much convinced that mormonism was just another organization of men, doing what they thought ghawd wanted them to. And because I knew them to be genuine, sincere people, motivated to do good, I shrugged my shoulders and decided that having been raised up a mormon, I was not at that point suited to be anything else.

But believing as I did that if there were a ghawd, he had nothing to do with mormonism, it made life, and my mission, a lot easier. Imagine a guilt-free mission. Hard to do, isn't it?

It was 1968, and I was 19 and going on a mission. I was ordained an elder just two days before. I mistakenly fasted, thinking that that was the thing to do to "get it right" and understand everything. But back then the live endowment was 4+ hours at the Salt Lake City temple, with being washed and anointed, then clothed in the old-timey long john style lace up garments with no crotch.

During the endowment, we had to listen to the poor "sectarian minister" whine about stuff as he was being deceived by Satan, and then the minister led us in the hymn "Beautiful Isle of Somewhere" ("Somewhere the Sun is Shining, Somewhere the song birds sing. Hush then thy sad repining, God lives and all is well..."). Then there was all the "Go down and..." followed by the "We will go down" repeated over and over. Of course, we had to do the death penalties ("The execution of the penalty is made by drawing the tip of the thumb swiftly across the throat, then dropping the hand and arm quickly to the side. That will do.") Of course, you had to receive the name of the "second token of the Melchizedek priesthood" upon the five points of fellowship through the veil: "This is the name of the token: Health in the navel, marrow in the bones, strength in the loins and in the sinew. Power in the priesthood be upon me and upon my posterity throughout all generations of time, and throughout all eternity."

At the end, all I was was really hungry, like about-to-faint hungry.

Like many of you, most of it did not make sense. There was a lot of silly repetition, accusing a friendly religious man of being in league with Satan, threatening us with death if we didn't protect the secrecy of the endowment (back then it was "secret," not "sacred"), things like that. Mostly it was long and hard to endure. I went back as often as I could before actually going on my mission, trying vainly to understand the endowment, as I was promised if only I went often enough. So stupid.

I was naive, to say the least.

However, I still remember several cooky things.

First, going into the pre-temple experience, when the "guard" at the door insisted my husband went in before me into an instruction room.

We weren't allowed to sit together and were instructed in such a way that it appeared I would--accidentally--be married for "Time and All Eternity" to the wrong man as we filed out of the room with women on one side of isle, and with a man to accompany the woman--any man.

I was also shocked when we went in for the "washing and anointing" where we were supposed to go in with NO cloths on under a white shawl over us, and a woman would work around my this shawl to anoint me everywhere, including my private parts (which she only symbolically touched).

And eventually, that d.m green apron we had to wear!

And--I think the worse--was having to get up and down with our arms "to the square" to be "annotated" for each little item spoken--with a person going up and down the isle to do this, before we could sit down again. (I think we had to get up and down so often because so many people would fall asleep otherwise--as we are pron to do during such boring rituals.)

Heaven forbid if someone had to go to the bathroom during any of these rituals.

There was a long bench to sit on before our participation in the actual services, and the ONLY reading available was the BofM. I went to ask for a Bible--and they had NONE behind the desk.

Again, being naive, I tried to think of the nonsense rituals as being a holy part of the whole affair.

All to gather, I followed all the room changes, and so forth. One was walking down an isle that had no windows or doorways for quite a while--and being somewhat claustrophobic--this really bothered me.

Finally, I became a "worker" at the entrance/exit area. During this time I had occasion to ask a couple of men to carry-on with their assigned duties, as they were "blocking the road" for others and screwing up the time schedule. BOY, you should have seen the look they gave me--a woman telling a man what to do!?

As a female, I was assigned to sit on the "going out" area, where I just sat, while the man at the going-in side pinned on a small ID note of some kind.

This labor was to much for him, so he brought the notes for me to get all ready for him to pin on everyone coming in.

I will tell you that chauvinism screamed at every step and procedure that went on in that facility.

One of the officials' wives had big tears about to drop from her eyes, as they had just taken another duty away from her, to give to a man. She asked me, "Then what am I here for--if I have nothing to do?".

At one point the women were asked to "bow their heads and say "yes"-- to be subservient to the men (who held the pd). In contrast, the men in their "Backer" white hats were not required to make any such oaths.

If anyone can provide me with information as to what goes on now-a-days, I would sure be happy to read about it here. I thank you in advance.

I never took a temple preparation class. I expected what I was told to expect:

I expected to learn something new! I was excited to know more about God and His secrets. I had no idea that the new "knowledge" would be secret handshakes, "signs and tokens" and a secret new name that only my husband would know (and I would never know my husband's new name.)

After getting over the shock of the silly costumes, and seeing people I thought were intelligent and sensible (like my parents) dressed up like "dead people", I listened intently to the words of wisdom. I thought, "What? This is quotes from Genesis! Now it's Isaiah!" I had these words memorized, I knew them so well. It was nothing but the same-old-same-old, to me. It was just more drawn out and repetitious, with the "I will go down's".

I would have many of my questions answered. I realized that this "You will learn all these things in the temple, when you are ready" was just another dodge, like, "All will be answered in the next life."

I expected to feel the Spirit. The only spirit I felt was that of Evil--honestly--like Satan was behind all this. For me, it was beyond weird.

I was not expecting to be naked, under a "shield", which made doctor's office gowns seem modest, in comparison. My doctors were professionals, but these creepy, whispering, scowling women came across as pervy. How dare they invade my privacy, and touch me! I could hear other women on either side of me, behind the sheets, being incanted over, while it was being done to me. It was too personal, yet, too impersonal and institutionalized. I did not expect it to be all so physical. It was all about the body, with the undressing and dressing and switching of robes and sashes, etc. All about physical polygamy in heaven--oh, I thought of that constantly in the temple--and sex and obeying your husband.

I expected that I would sit next to my fiancee. The separation of male and female came as a shock.

I expected the temple clothes to look more normal, like a man's white suit, and a woman's long sleeved white dress.

I didn't know about the ridiculous headdresses, or having my face covered by a heavy, suffocating veil.

I expected--as any sane person would--the marriage ceremony to be about love, cherishing, being faithful to each other. Instead, we both made vows to the cult. I did not now that the "New and Everlasting Covenant" was polygamy!

I expected my new husband to love me, and care about me. I did not expect the Mormon wedding vows and the Mormon scriptures (D & C 132) to support the idea that I was my husband's possession, and that he had permission to beat me at will, or do anything he wanted to do to me. He proceeded to rape me that afternoon, between the temple ritual and the reception.

My list is going over onto the subject of what I did NOT expect--WHAT I DID NOT KNOW.


I did expect to reach the Celestial Room in a spiritual, enlightened state, and to sit and quietly discuss all the newly-learned wonders with my family. Ha-ha-Ha-ha-ha!!

I think going through the temple the first time was the craziest thing I ever experienced.

What was I expecting? I decided to go on a mission after attending a semester of college. I had no idea of what career I wanted to pursue and I felt lost. I figured serving a mission would help me with two things: Help me learn what I wanted out of life. Help me decide wether the church was really true or not.

Going through the temple was just part of going on a mission. I was curious to see what all the fuss was about. After going through I felt it was the biggest mistake I ever made in my life. May parents were so happy I took my endowments out.

Everyone told me my salvation depended on going to the temple to "take out my endowments". All this time later I still don't know "take them out where?" ;-)

You take them out for a walk! Initially, you'll need to keep a tight leash on them!

mysteries of God. I thought it would be better than GC (which I liked at that age) and that I would be closer to God and find some answers to my life.

I had been prepared in terms of finding out about the washing and anointing because I had heard some things and so I forced my sister to tell me. I don't know what I would have done if I hadn't know that beforehand!! I also had a friend from high school who looked me up after her mission to Austria and she told me she almost left the church over the temple. So I had some warning. Otherwise, I would have been more shocked than I was. I would probably never had gone back after the W&A if I hadn't had a warning.

I found the temple ridiculous. It was one of the biggest disappointments of my life. I really expected something special and it was hideous. The hat the men wear. I saw my soon to be husband in that hat and almost burst out laughing. BUT I made it through and I didn't have to wonder anymore what I was missing out on. Then when I decided to leave the church, I KNEW all they had to offer and it was a joke.

One of my really big clues was my temple name of LUCY. Everyone on the board from the past should remember that one by now. I expected something individual, that God really had picked for me. Go figure. I had been taught that. Even my ex when we did the veil thing before we got married (I went through 8 days before our marriage) said, "WHAT???" when I said my new name was Lucy. Even my daughter laughs about it. My TBM daughter. Thanks to I believe summer, I know my daughter's temple name. My ex is Abinidi.

I sure didn't expect the baker hats thats for sure or

the sliting the throat pantomimes

and death promises .... What sticks in

my mind the most was the sea of baker hats nodding and turning..

Oh My God... who can be prepared for that travesty of uber

phony religiosity? Its a joke. I was just shocked. I had been

expecting a really spiritual experience and instead it turned

out to be showtime in hickville. Just unbelievable.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/18/2019 09:54PM by saucie.

Saucie-Wausie said:

> I sure didn't expect the
> baker hats that's for sure


Picture very Brown, very skinny me, standing in the Celestial Room, in front of a mirror, big black horn-rim glasses, rocking the baker's hat, in what looked like a dress, with a green apron, wondering, "...what the hell?!?!".

elderolddog Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Saucie-Wausie said:
>
> > I sure didn't expect the
> > baker hats that's for sure
>
>
> Picture very Brown, very skinny me, standing in
> the Celestial Room, in front of a mirror, big
> black horn-rim glasses, rocking the baker's hat,
> in what looked like a dress, with a green apron,
> wondering, "...what the hell?!?!".

It just doesn't say YOU... but I probably would have fallen for you anyway.

You two are SO funny!!

"Rockin' the baker's hat" is one of the most hilarious images ever trotted through this old noggin.

The temple is hyped up to be the absolute pinnacle of spiritual experiences. Knowing the general caliber of Mormon theology ought to give you some kind of warning. For me, it was a terrible letdown, but of course, you can't SAY that to anybody.

I was expecting a deep spiritual experience. I left sick to my stomach and a deep feeling that something was wrong.

I did the whole she-bang on my wedding day. Live actors, no movie in 1970. Where was my fiance? Oh, sitting on the other side of the room. Couldn't hold his hand. Lots of family there, so I just figured it was me who was not understanding this stuff. Adam and Eve were soooooo old. It didn't make sense. The satan actor kinda scared me.

There were a dozen of us brides there that session. Before things got started, someone came in and asked that all of the so-and so party please exit the room. One of the brides had chickened out. So much for building confidence in what I was about to do. I think I was a bit shell shocked by the time I finally got married. Then we had a 4 hour drive back to our home town for a reception that night. What poor planning we did.

was not real sure, was 1981 was a convert was 25 years old me and fiance were to be married after endowments. I could not get past the first part , called initiatory i think. was too much embarrassment so so i bailed, to the locker room as i changed a few people tried to talk to me, i had to get out. I hit the door carrying some of my clothes and got in my car and drove 350 miles home. wondered what to do, i was so out of it, i knew people would talk . i had an apartment and some cash i packed my car quit my job and was about to drive off when i came out of my apartment a bishop was at my car door blocking it. i climbed in the passenger side and locked the doors and drove away

This is really stupid, but I thought I might meet up with dead relatives the first time I went in the temple.

I'd eventually feel my relatives were there with me. I NEEDED some answers in my life over my gay/straight marriage. I think many of us were told about this type of temple experience.

I do really like the girl who told my sister this, but she told my sister that she felt our mother in the temple. I told my sister to not allow this person to hijack our relationship with our mother. She is our mother. When my aunt told me that my parents were in the temple with my daughter when she got married, I told her I would assume my parents were with me. If they had been alive, they would have wanted to be with me. I would have asked them to be in the temple with my daughter.

Not stupid at all.

I fully expected to see my mother who had passed away waiting for me on the other side of the veil.

When I asked my Dad where she was he said that's not the way it works.

So I said then why the hell did I just go through all that?

Thank you for picking up on this disappointment, too.

I was absolutely certain that I would see (or somehow "experience") the presence of my grandmothers, both of whom had been very important when I was growing up. Trying to keep an eye out for them while trying to be alert to what was (or wasn't) going on was very distracting.

I should have realized that both of them had more sense than to show up in a Mormon temple.

I expected a spiritual experience. Ha! Was I ever surprised (in the slit-your-throat days). It was so awful and it had been a 3-hr. drive to get there and then 3 hrs. back, plus the ceremony was around 3 hrs. and the reality of the undies (one-piece) had just deflated me. All I could think of the whole way home was "THIS is the church I grew up in? The one that makes fun of the Catholics for their rituals?!" Back then a lot of girls still went through for the first time on their wedding day. We went two weeks before I got married because of the long drive. I can't imagine how awful wedding days were when that was part of it.

It was all so mysterious. I don't know what I was expecting. But it certainly wasn't what I got.

Mission Home in SLC, early 60's.
Absolutely no preparation for the experience.
Went in with the herd, went through it, then upper room with 2 General Authorities for Q&A - and most of us were still shell shocked and confused so few real questions were asked.
Distinctly remember one though, about the symbols on Satan's Apron and why the Moslem Crescent moon was one of his "powers and priesthoods" - and was told it was just that, evil and would be the scourge of many along with Catholocism in decades to come leading up to the Second coming.

I was endowed and married on the same day.
I was expecting this beautiful, loving, spiritual experience.
I hoped to feel special and cherished on my wedding day.

It felt alien and alone. A stranger was my "escort"because my parents were unworthy to be there. My grooms parents were also unworthy. We thought we were being obedient and bold by doing this on our own.

From the washing and anointing...wearing the white poncho thing and having close brushes of my intimate areas by a matron whos breath stank.

The matrons having a long discussion if I would be allowed to wear my wedding dress because the lace on my garments peeked 1/16 of an inch at the shoulders. finally it was decided since I was wearing the looser, silkier kind that it would be tucked in because the dress itself met the modest standards.

Seeing my groom in his Pillsbury dough boy hat..wth?

The man on the other side of the veil that got to hold me close while I received the final token....his hand tight on my shoulder. Someone I did not KNOW touching me bugged the heck out of me.

After the endowment, my groom and I sat in the Temple Presidents office before we went off to the sealing room. He asked me if I had any questions. Boy did I. I asked them. I received NO answers, because I was told they would come to be over the years as I attended the temple. Looking back, I take it as his way of saying "I don't know either, but here I am".

While at the time I was happy to be marrying someone I loved that I believed loved me.

The Temple sessions with my husband always left me feeling weird, confused, and like his little prize that he won for being a good boy. I was 22 when I got married and he got lots of looks and whispers about how GOOD he did.

I was expecting to feel so full and elated for doing the Lord's will. Instead, I felt empty and lonely. Years later I apologized to my parents for disappointing them...and most of all making a choice that screwed me up for years.

RMM

I seriously thought the veil would be an actual dimensional portal to the other realm. When the wall lifted to reveal a curtain I thought "You have got to be kidding me!"

I was such a dork.

I thought for sure there would be firm connection with the spirit world, even seeing angels, but even more, I thought I would find the surety of a testimony that I was only kidding myself that I already had. I thought we would all be burning from within so much that we would glow with haloes.


Of course we all know what happened and I just convinced myself that it was me not them when it was over and would not admit to myself that it was basically sacrament meeting on steroids with clown suits.

Done & Done Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> ... it was
> basically sacrament meeting on steroids with clown
> suits.

LOL, D&D.

Sad. But funny. Not even bittersweet though. Nothing sweet there. Except maybe the trusting nature of the first-timers, led for so long to expect holiness, finding only silliness and disillusionment.

Add it to the many reasons that build up eventually turning members into exxies.

It's not our fault that it's a steaming pile of hooey.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 05/20/2019 04:34PM by Nightingale.

I was so dumb and totally convinced that "special things" happened in the temple, that I went expecting to see Jesus walking around the halls. At the very least, I thought I would see some of my dead relatives. What I didn't expect was to be pantomiming my own execution and then going through the veil to see a fancy hotel lobby.

-I expected a very spiritual experience BEYOND sacrament meeting. I didn't feel anything and it was confusing.

-I expected to receive new knowledge and understanding. I was the idiot that expected to find an actual room with books that transcended the mortal and immortal worlds.

-I didn't know ahead of time about being coerced into pledging an oath to surrender my sense of humor. I resented being tricked into making a pledge to change my sense of well being.

-I expected to see something unusual in the temple (angels, spirits, SOMETHING!!!) I saw nothing.

-I hated the entire endowment session. I hated changing robes, sashes and the damn hat string.

-I had questions and was told that the temple was not the place to discuss it. I was referred to the stake president, who promptly scolded me for trying to discuss sacred things outside of the temple. I was told to address the temple president.

-I was naked and seen by 5-6 different people. I am so shy that I felt as if I had been crucified and everybody in town came to see me.

-I had no idea what healthinthenavel... was said. It sounded like pig latin to me. On my 2nd visit, the temple worker walked away because he said that I should have paid attention the first time. I suffered a panic attack. The worker on the other side of the curtain kept saying "I'm waiting." Finally, a different worker came over. I was the last person standing at the veil. That was the first time that I heard the actual word "Health".

I expected to not understand anything, before I had always heard you need to keep going for it all to make sense. I did expect a major spiritual feeling.

I didn't expect to learn that I had been raised in some kind of cult. My first thought after learning all the handshakes was "isn't this the secret combinations they tell us are evil in the BOM?" I stopped believing very soon after going to the temple.

I appreciate the clever and poignant ways you all express your experiences in the temple. I'm laughing, but also tearing up here, you guys.

I had attended the temple prep classes yet learned nothing. In fact, I was so impatient with the repetitious lessons that I stopped going before getting to the last few.

I travelled from B.C. to SLC to go to the "main" temple as if that would be even more special. Quite a few of the missionaries I had met here attended that day with me as they lived in SLC. (BC got a large % of mishies from SLC, at that time anyway). The main mishie I wanted to go with had been most instrumental in my "conversion", the one I've mentioned before whose father had been a born-again Christian who converted. That mishie had been brought in from a different district specifically to influence me, as a BAC, to convert. The underhanded tactic worked (they pretended we had met by chance when really it had all been planned out, I found out later). He spoke my language and I quickly consented to baptism soon after when previously I had been far from choosing it. As the time for the session at the temple approached, a year after my baptism - I was eager for the "special" experience - that mishie hadn't shown up. I said to the sister RM with me that if he didn't come I wasn't going to go through with it. We were sitting in the anteroom of the temple at the time. She squeezed my arm and said "We're going in when the session starts, no matter what." I started to feel trapped there and the sensation only got worse. He eventually showed up about 30 seconds before the thing began. I had NO CLUE that males and females were separated and we wouldn't get to sit together.

I'm quite claustrophobic and when they announced that once you go into the first room you can't go back out I started to panic. It was so dark and hot and claustro for me, literally and figuratively. Add in the extra clothing one must don and especially the veil and I felt too hot and smothery. I thought it was quite unseemly to sweat in the holy place. (I know, what a dope).

The play or film (I forget which) was beyond inane. All that going down stuff. And so much emphasis on the devil. Like they forgot who the central figure should be. He got star billing. Was JC even there? I forget. I felt wicked beyond redemption when the thought crept into my head that it was out-of-this-world boring and that I would *never* be able to sit and listen to that drivel every *month* like they said was recommended. Every month for the rest of your life? Aiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeee.

I never did learn the words at the veil. I must have always looked as clueless as I felt because the temple worker wouldn't wait for me to recall the phrases but just stepped up and said them for me every time I attended after that.

I wasn't all that shocked with the W&A part, to be honest. I was expecting something way out there as I noticed the worried glances of the sister RMs in the change room as I donned the "shield" and followed the matron round the corner and crowded into the little room where two little old ladies incanted over me. I can't say I felt physically violated - they didn't touch me. But it was surpassingly weird to be in the holy place essentially nekked.

And not to warn anyone ahead what the whole thing would be like. That makes the temple classes even more of a joke. Like if you knew you wouldn't go. Well, they're right about that.

I sympathize with the mind-numbingness of being told contrary things, like asking the stake president your questions as you can't talk about it in the temple and then the SP scolding you for talking about the temple outside. So you can't talk inside or outside but they don't actually state it clearly like that. I too was told you could sit in the celestial room and get all your questions answered. Ha. We weren't ever allowed to sit in there but instead got rushed through. One time I veered off into a room with yet another RM I had known. Within a NY minute a temple matron came and scolded us and shooed us away as if we'd committed the unpardonable sin. It was weird to feel watched like that. I guess my transgression was being "alone" with a male? Or venturing into a disallowed space? No clue what she objected to.

I already had experienced a church where questions are frowned on while being assured that questions are most welcome. Mind-numbing. Then to find out the temple was worse. Mind-bending.

Weird is all I can say. Totally completely absolutely weird.

I'm sorry. I usually try to be somewhat respectful of the beliefs of others. I don't have a lot of room to talk when what I believe (still being Christian) is unpalatable to many, I realize.

But Mormonism was totally mind-bending. At least for me.

I'm BIC, Dad was a temple worker, Mom sewed temple clothing. So I had a general vibe about the temple. I new it was going to be unusual (because it was sacred, right?) but I didn't know it would be freaky.

But in the end it was a letdown. That's it?

My mother always said that the first time she went to the temple was the most powerful spiritual experience of her life.

During my first and only temple experience, I remember thinking to myself “My mother is an idiot. My parents are idiots. Every person in this room believes this? I wonder what they would do if I started laughing? Am I really expected to have sex with a man I saw in a bakers hat?”

Everyone on here is knocking bakers hats. What's wrong with bakers hats? They're cool, at your local baker's shop!

I know, right?

The first time I saw one of those in the temple, right before my own initiation, I thought: "Okay." I knew about the temple cafeteria, but had NO idea they offered fresh baked goods!