Posted by:
exminion
(
)
Date: September 22, 2019 05:33AM
My parents liked to go "antiquing" in New England and Canada, and collected a lot of things from Europe. They lived a wealthy, privileged lifestyle, and belonged to a country club. My older siblings ate up my parents' fortune, as they were unemployed most of their lives, and their children were scammers. They went into debt, which my parents paid off, trying to live beyond their means, in that fancy lifestyle. The scammers literally stripped my parents' house--while they were sick and dying! They did it in a few months, and when I went home to arrange for home health care, the place was almost bare. My parents' favorite original oil paintings were even torn off the walls! What hurt the most was one brother took all of my parents' photographs and diaries, along with all of my childhood photographs, too, and we never saw them again.
One brother and wife and son continue with the facade of wealth. They pretend to have jobs, when they have none, and they use the Mormon church to work their scams on ward members. They have already run through our entire extended family, and have succeeded to steal and con money from a family business, and two wealthy uncles.
I was sent to BYU, and married a Mormon jerk who abandoned me and our children, after 15 years of marriage. I was stuck in Utah, a unable to afford anyplace else, and was the sole support for my children. I was forced to be a career woman. I had to scrimp so I could help put my children through the university. We all had jobs. I managed to buy the house we were in, but needed to keep the furnishings simple, nothing fancy. My kids spent their money on sports equipment skiing, cars, practical clothes, and tuition. No one collected anything, but we had good times. I was marginalized in the Mormon church, because I was a divorced single working mom, so I stopped entertaining, like I had done when I was married. I sold my Lamoges china and Waterford crystal and silver and embroidered table cloths to women in our ward. I sold my dining room set, and turned the dining room into an office. The kids didn't care about losing these things, because they had to be washed by hand, or ironed or polished.
Our lifestyle had changed. Thinking of this as a "new life", made it easier to sell off the old stuff. A lot of it had bad memories, even. Keeping the fancy things would mean I was living a false life, in a way.
I felt like it was healthier to accept--even embrace--the fact that our life was more "grass roots", instead of "keeping up with the Joneses." At first, I was frightened! My parents were dead, and I was alone. My instinct was to cling to all the stuff that I could keep, but I gradually sold it all through a consignment shop in Gardner Village. I sold my mother's jewelry to a jeweler, to help pay for braces for the kids' teeth, and my own dental work--more important to have nice teeth, than jewels. Priorities change!
Unlike me and my TBM brothers, my children grew up without snobbery, without racism, without sexism, and without that Mormon elitism. They left the church when they were teen-agers. They were athletic and popular with the NOT-Mormons, and made good, life-long friends, and good marriages. They were liked for themselves, and not for money. They have a good work ethic, and they value education, and are raising their own children that way, now. My kids loved my parents, and I have my own photos of them and our times together, and we have memories, and those close relationships, that no one can steal from us.
The point is, that my children's lifestyle is not about money and prestige and putting on a show, so it's ok that they don't want the old traditional memorabilia. They love nature, and sports, their homes, their gardens, trips to the beach and mountains, camping and sports equipment, computer gadgets. Their furniture is sparse--they like Ikea stuff, modern, simple things. My daughter's paintings and family photos are on their walls. I still have two crystal chandeliers to sell, because my kids think they are gaudy and hideous--well, they do look silly, and are a nuisance to clean.
Ironically, my children are quite successful, and could afford finery of their own choosing, but they don't want it.
At our new "traditional" Thanksgiving dinner, the kids sit at the table with the adults, and the little ones like to decorate the table themselves, with pine cones and gourds and hand-made place cards. The dishes go in the dishwasher, and we all go sledding.
If you can, find a friend, and sell your stuff together. Old things can be kind of interesting. We are amazed and the hand-sewn lace and embroidery, that our grandmas and great-grandmas would do, and we could not part with that--all that work!
Don't keep those dear little Hummel people and those other delicate works of art packed away in some garage--but bring them out and clean them up and set them free to be appreciated by someone! (I took photos of the ones I was attached to, and I did keep a few of them, to bring out at Christmastime.)