Posted by:
Tevai
(
)
Date: April 28, 2020 04:49PM
thedesertrat1 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Tevai you are dead right So why th preoccupation
> with the issue?
Because this specific issue can be indicative of a much larger issue:
What is any person's obligation to someone who has died?
If THEIR prejudices are involved, are YOU [the survivor] bound by their prejudices, or their ignorance?
If they obtain your promise to "do" something [could be anything], and you [either then or later] find it unwise, or it trangresses your own sense of right or wrong, are you bound by that promise?
When IS such a promise binding after the death of one of the parties? For example: If "you" promise to take care of the minor child of the dying person, after the death of that person, are you free to say: "Nope--I've thought about it and I just don't want to do that"?
In real life, there are often no easy, and sometimes no apparent, answers to these kinds of questions.
I know of a real life situation where a dying widow obtained the "out of nowhere," "by surprise" agreement from a female friend of hers to take care of her several minor children "if [I] should die." The problem was: Not only was the female friend's husband not any part of this agreement (and he was totally ignorant of this promise until after the other woman died), neither was any legal paperwork (which would have served as notice to the husband of what was going on) initiated, let alone completed.
Several months later, the woman did die, and she died with NONE of the arrangements even begun which would have obviously been necessary in such a situation.
The husband said to his wife: "YOU made this promise, not me. I cannot do this. I will give you our house, I will give you all of the money we have, I will give you everything I have and leave with just a suitcase, if you decide to go through with this--but I will not be a part of it. This is not MY promise, and I cannot take on the responsibility of [this other woman's] children."
This was a really difficult situation for everyone even tangentially involved, and eventually a sort of clumsy, ad hoc arrangement was made so that the minor children were not homeless, and the woman who made the promise to her dying friend was able to keep her marriage and her family intact--but she definitely broke the promise she had made to her close, and actively in the process of dying, friend.
In this kind of situation, what was the "right" thing to do?
These can be some of the most difficult decisions a person ever has to make in their lifetime.
What I have learned is: Every situation is different, and "honor" and "integrity" can, in these kinds of situations, vary quite considerably depending on the specifics involved.
In my own life, I broke a promise I made to my dying aunt because, after her death, it did not seem "right" anymore--it seemed empty, and unwise, and no one still alive cared anymore.
I think I did the right thing.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/28/2020 04:54PM by Tevai.