One of the issues that took me years to correct after leaving Mormonism is the skewed perspective, anxiety and stress that the Mormon lifestyle installs in member's lives.

I was always overwhelmed, reacting to the next 3 things I was supposed to do. At age 23 I was the EQP of ward of 400+ people, doing visits, calls, temple trips, camping, volunteering, cleaning the chapel, reading and praying, activities, meetings and planning for 25-35 hours a week on top of working 50+ hours. This does not include communing or taking 12 credit hours of college, institute classes or dealing with my wife's infertility or the imposed poverty that Mormonism delegates to your married couples.

At the end of each day, if I had a minute to think, it was to feel guilty about my food storage, my lesson preparation and the other million shortcomings that I was soaking in within Mormonism.

Years of this lifestyle changed my mental cadence to always be in a hurry, never enjoying things for more than a few minutes, never taking time for myself. Even many years later, I sometimes just sat to enjoy a single malt on ice and do nothing, only to start feeling guilty a few minutes later becuase more could be done.

I cannot express the joy and peace that NOT being constantly hustled, guilt-tripped and conned 24/7 brings. I sometimes enjoy the fact that I don't feel that anymore as much as I enjoy the activity I am doing at the time.

Mormons have a plan for 24 hours of your day, removing that parasite from my life freed my peace and quality of life more than I'll ever be able to express.

The only happiness the full Mormon experience can offer is the respite of people telling you that you are amazing as you try to stay awake in Sunday meetings.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/17/2021 06:00PM by sb.

Peace be unto you.

how is your wife's infertility now OPie ? ~

Will you pray for her ziller?

Not that it is any of your business but it proves my point.

She is my ex now. After 9 lost pregnancies and endless blessings, pleading with the lord, fasting and even general authority promises, it turns out we needed a better doctor. Had 3 kids with her all safe, smart and non-Mormon, the oldest married w 2 kids the other two in college/HS and living with me away from Utah.

congratulations on your blessings OPie ~

I remember that feeling.

One time when I was 20 something, I actually attempted to make a list of all the things I was supposed to do toward perfection. The list included stuff like following the commandments, reading scriptures on a schedule, doing visiting teaching, genealogy, journal, service projects, temple visits, and all the zillions of things GAs happened to say in conference talks. Add in all the things to be a perfect wife, mother and homemaker (while I was trying to work). There weren't enough hours in the day to do all the stupid stuff they thought up. None of it was rewarding or taking me closer to what brought me joy.

Thank you for sharing that. It is never enough as a second class citizens women have it worse. With no recognized hierarchy, like the proesthood, gossip, cliques, envy, feelings of inadequacy and jealousy fill the gaps of what should be a rewarding and uplifting experience.

Man, sb, you and dagny are making me so glad I got out early. But any getting out is heaven. Realizing the lie was double sweet because I was so sick of the "trot" on the Mormon treadmill. Mission, BYU, and n the end I didn't need the threat of hell. Just the threat of Sunday coming around again was enough of a taste of Outer Darkness.

So happy for you all that you made it through.

sb Wrote:
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> Mormons have a plan for 24 hours of your day...

My TBM father used to half-joke that the church kept members busy so they don't have time to sin.

I think they do it so you don't have time to think.

And the church keeps inventing things you must do so that you never start thinking you're worthy enough, so you never think you're on top of things, so you never think you're in control of your life, so you keep craving the occasional thumbs-up form the taskmaster who will never relent. Because the church will never allow members to think they don't need the church. That's why the Poelman talk in general conference had to be rewritten and rerecorded,

Yes. There is always a new hashtag, a new program, a new assignment, a new family to visit, a new temple wedding to attend, a new challenge to read, fast or pray. A new challenge to accept some newly declared chicken-soup-for-the-soul nonsense as a life creed.

I can relate to this post and the excellent comments that follow. I used to be a journal keeper (needed to do that to get to the celestial kingdom), and I cannot stand to read them now. They are oozing and dripping with guilt - for all the things I was not doing, or not doing well enough.

Why was I willing to let some dumb Utah based church tell me I was no good, unworthy and just not making the grade with all kinds of meaningless standards to meet?