This is so hard to write without the emotions of the last 23 hours welling up into another bout of uncontrolled tears. I was out of town when my daughter called to say she had to call 911 for my wife, the love of my life.
She's been struggling with myelodysplastic syndrome (bone marrow not producing enough healthy red blood cells) and three months of oral chemo. So she's been extremely fatigued, weak, shaky, and suffering from debilitating nausea, unrelated to the MDS though. A bone marrow biopsy in December confirmed the oncologist's suspicion.
In any case, last night she asked my daughter to call 911 at 3 AM due to chest pain and not catching her breath as she was throwing up blood in the bathroom.
Initially, the ER doctor thought she had pneumonia but, after additional tests, they diagnosed Takotsubo cardiomyopathy or stress cardiomyopathy.
It's so hard to see your spouse on a ventilator, in pain and fear, unable to express herself beyond a hand squeeze, a nod, a shake of the head, or a blink of an eye.
Since she is still somewhat of a believer in TSSC, I asked if she wanted a "blessing" and she emphatically shook her head "no."
The one bright side is that all of our children and most of our grandchildren were able to make it to the hospital (three from out of state snd a forth joining us today): two inactive members and the rest non believers like me.
We all love her so much and desperately want to see her well again. I prayed in my way, while holding her hand, please god or creator, heal her or take away her suffering, and please, wife, feel my love for you. I'm so sorry to see you like this.
I just don't have the words except "I love you. I'm so grateful for our time together." We met and I proposed 46 years ago. She added such wonderful purpose, friendship, and companionship in my life. I would choose her all over again (less TSSC, of course, if it were possible).
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/17/2023 05:15AM by cuzx.
Cuz X, I'm so sorry that your wife is hospitalized. However, she has you and your loving family by her side, along with the best of care. The ICU staff can do so much these days. Please do not despair. Do keep us updated as you are able.
I have been there. Hold on and take things one step at a time. Deal with what you have to at the moment and let the rest slide. Let others do as much for you as they can. Remember, the doctors are doing their best and they are working as they go too. Take shifts. Sleep where and how you can. Sleep in a chair next to her bed if that will work. If you can't sleep, close your eyes and just rest. EAT SOMETHING DECENT. Don't go heavy, fried or too much sugar. Get some nuts, drink milk. Get a shower once in a while if you can even if it means renting a motel room. Have someone get you some clean clothes from home (and a plastic bag for the dirty stuff). A clean shirt and socks will do you wonders. Brush your teeth and wash your face. One thing that really helped me was a book I love, know well and didn't have to think too much to read. What would help you?
I was there 4 months ago. I was more upset when my wife became unresponsive in her hospital room and has taken to the ICU than making the caring decision to remove her from machines and prepare for hospice care (peaceful death). Hopefully, your wife will be able to recover unlike mine.
As others have pointed out, you need to take care of yourself. I didn't eat/sleep well and ended up in the ER myself for dehydration. You are not being selfish to take care of your well being.
Whatever emotional support you need or want, you'll receive it here at RfM.
Sending my positive thoughts, good vibes and prayers (if you want them).
I'm so sorry too, to read of this most difficult time in your lives, cuzx. I hope for all the best for each of you.
> I just don't have the words except "I love you. > I'm so grateful for our time together." We met and > I proposed 46 years ago. She added such wonderful > purpose, friendship, and companionship in my life. > I would choose her all over again.
You do have the words - these most beautiful words. Anybody would be so very fortunate to hear them from a person they loved above all others.
Please know we continue to think of you and hope you can check in from time to time to see we're here.