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Posted by: cuzx ( )
Date: April 17, 2023 05:11AM

This is so hard to write without the emotions of the last 23 hours welling up into another bout of uncontrolled tears. I was out of town when my daughter called to say she had to call 911 for my wife, the love of my life.

She's been struggling with myelodysplastic syndrome (bone marrow not producing enough healthy red blood cells) and three months of oral chemo. So she's been extremely fatigued, weak, shaky, and suffering from debilitating nausea, unrelated to the MDS though. A bone marrow biopsy in December confirmed the oncologist's suspicion.

In any case, last night she asked my daughter to call 911 at 3 AM due to chest pain and not catching her breath as she was throwing up blood in the bathroom.

Initially, the ER doctor thought she had pneumonia but, after additional tests, they diagnosed Takotsubo cardiomyopathy or stress cardiomyopathy.

It's so hard to see your spouse on a ventilator, in pain and fear, unable to express herself beyond a hand squeeze, a nod, a shake of the head, or a blink of an eye.

Since she is still somewhat of a believer in TSSC, I asked if she wanted a "blessing" and she emphatically shook her head "no."

The one bright side is that all of our children and most of our grandchildren were able to make it to the hospital (three from out of state snd a forth joining us today): two inactive members and the rest non believers like me.

We all love her so much and desperately want to see her well again. I prayed in my way, while holding her hand, please god or creator, heal her or take away her suffering, and please, wife, feel my love for you. I'm so sorry to see you like this.

I just don't have the words except "I love you. I'm so grateful for our time together." We met and I proposed 46 years ago. She added such wonderful purpose, friendship, and companionship in my life. I would choose her all over again (less TSSC, of course, if it were possible).

Cuz X

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/17/2023 05:15AM by cuzx.

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Posted by: summer ( )
Date: April 17, 2023 05:22AM

Cuz X, I'm so sorry that your wife is hospitalized. However, she has you and your loving family by her side, along with the best of care. The ICU staff can do so much these days. Please do not despair. Do keep us updated as you are able.

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Posted by: Soft Machine ( )
Date: April 17, 2023 06:11AM

So sorry to hear this, Cuz X. Wishing you all strength and hoping for a good outcome.

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Posted by: Eric K ( )
Date: April 17, 2023 07:32AM

Oh cuzx, I am so sorry to learn of your wife's situation. Wishing the best for her, yourself and your family in this difficult time.

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Posted by: Susan I/S ( )
Date: April 17, 2023 08:11AM

I have been there. Hold on and take things one step at a time. Deal with what you have to at the moment and let the rest slide. Let others do as much for you as they can. Remember, the doctors are doing their best and they are working as they go too. Take shifts. Sleep where and how you can. Sleep in a chair next to her bed if that will work. If you can't sleep, close your eyes and just rest. EAT SOMETHING DECENT. Don't go heavy, fried or too much sugar. Get some nuts, drink milk. Get a shower once in a while if you can even if it means renting a motel room. Have someone get you some clean clothes from home (and a plastic bag for the dirty stuff). A clean shirt and socks will do you wonders. Brush your teeth and wash your face. One thing that really helped me was a book I love, know well and didn't have to think too much to read. What would help you?

Know we are here and care.

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Posted by: messygoop ( )
Date: April 17, 2023 08:59AM

I am so sorry for you.

I was there 4 months ago. I was more upset when my wife became unresponsive in her hospital room and has taken to the ICU than making the caring decision to remove her from machines and prepare for hospice care (peaceful death). Hopefully, your wife will be able to recover unlike mine.

As others have pointed out, you need to take care of yourself. I didn't eat/sleep well and ended up in the ER myself for dehydration. You are not being selfish to take care of your well being.

Whatever emotional support you need or want, you'll receive it here at RfM.

Sending my positive thoughts, good vibes and prayers (if you want them).


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Posted by: valkyriequeen ( )
Date: April 17, 2023 10:21AM

cusx, I am so sorry to hear about your dear wife's situation.

It's so good that you have your family's emotional support at this time.

Wishing for the best for you, your wife, and family.

As Messy says, you have us here at RfM too.

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Posted by: Gordon B. Stinky ( )
Date: April 17, 2023 11:24AM

I lost my wife a few years ago, and can definitely empathize with what you're going through.

Take care of yourself, but also be there for her. As Susan I/S said, stay with her as best you can. It's important for both of you.

Hang in there. I hope things improve.

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Posted by: CL2 ( )
Date: April 17, 2023 11:38AM

You've received some excellent advice from the caring people on this board.

Keep us informed. I can't imagine what you are going through (and those others who have gone through something similar).

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Posted by: dagny ( )
Date: April 17, 2023 11:41AM

I'm sending my very best thoughts for your family. I'm so glad she has you. Hoping for the best.

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Posted by: shortbobgirl ( )
Date: April 17, 2023 02:48PM

I’m so sorry. Sending healing thoughts for all of you. So happy for you all the children are there for support.

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Posted by: paisley70 ( )
Date: April 17, 2023 07:45PM

It's one of the most sacred things in all of life.

I brought six children into this world with my wife.

It was equally sacred to hold my youngest child in my arms, and at 3.5 years old, watch her take her last breaths, and send her last bit of essence back into the ether.

Do not fear death. It is a sacred and very special experience to let them go. Sadness of their loss is just an expression of love, and for a longing for one more extention of time.

Time cannot be extended. Embrace the love.

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Posted by: Lot's Wife ( )
Date: April 17, 2023 08:28PM

Please keep us apprised, Cuz X. We all hope for good news.



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Posted by: Brother Of Jerry ( )
Date: April 17, 2023 11:34PM

Dealing with a debilitating illness in a loved one, or fleet of illnesses is draining and stressful. You already go good advice here, so I'll just say I'm so sorry, and best wishes for a good outcome.

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Posted by: Susan I/S ( )
Date: April 18, 2023 07:23AM

Thinking of you. {hugz}

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Posted by: wondering ( )
Date: April 18, 2023 09:55AM

Sending e-thought your way. Lean on us when you get overwhelmed

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Posted by: Susan I/S ( )
Date: April 19, 2023 09:51AM

Just checking in. Brush your teeth and change your socks.

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Posted by: Nightingale ( )
Date: April 19, 2023 08:46PM

I'm so sorry too, to read of this most difficult time in your lives, cuzx. I hope for all the best for each of you.

You said:

> I just don't have the words except "I love you.
> I'm so grateful for our time together." We met and
> I proposed 46 years ago. She added such wonderful
> purpose, friendship, and companionship in my life.
> I would choose her all over again.

You do have the words - these most beautiful words. Anybody would be so very fortunate to hear them from a person they loved above all others.

Please know we continue to think of you and hope you can check in from time to time to see we're here.

And what Sus said - no stinky sox!

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Posted by: Susan I/S ( )
Date: April 20, 2023 09:09PM

Just checking in. Take care of yourself!

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Posted by: Lethbridge Reprobate ( )
Date: April 20, 2023 11:53PM

Sorry to hear about your wife. Good vibes sent your way. Hope the ICU can get a handle on her condition. Been there. Be strong for her.

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Posted by: matt ( )
Date: April 21, 2023 11:01PM

Hope all is well?

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Posted by: OzDoc ( )
Date: April 24, 2023 03:00PM

Thoughts from afar.

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