What were things the bishop and stake president interviewed you about. Did they do things such as give advice on how to have a successful sexual relationship? And after the marriage on subsequent interviews, does he try to dig into your sex life?

There were various veiled comments by leaders (I was a new/young convert), but nothing really specific about a "successful sexual relationship." The only advice given to us was about contraception which was something on the order of"the brethren have advised against any unnatural means."
We were left to wonder what that meant. That was before the pill.
We thought it meant "the rhythm method."

The interview didn't seem invasive. The SP did try to give us a little "first time" advice, which included having a sense of humor and KY. I wasn't a virgin and probably could have taught him a thing or two, so I thought that was kind of amusing. It wasn't a negative experience.

With my bish, it was the normal worthiness questions. When I saw the SP, I got the questions and then he shared his advice that he gave to all new temple goers and advice for newlyweds. There was sex advice in a sense, but I don't believe he was a pervert in any way. I think he was truly trying to help. It just that the church warps you so.

New temple advice: I was told to always honor my garments. Never, never, never allow them to touch the floor. This was actually a little bit of a joke in the stake. Not letting your garments touch the floor was this sp's pet project. He would talk about it in stake conference. I knew his daughter from the single's ward and she said that her dad got on her mom a few times when during laundry the garments would sometimes touch the floor. Her mom replied that he was welcome to do the laundry if he thought he could do it better. We all laughed.

It was a strange quirk, but my sp was a nice guy. I knew his daughter since I was a beehive and he honestly seemed like a good guy, not just show for the church folks. His wife and kids truly seemed to admire and respect him out of love and not because he was the priesthood leader.

His other adive was that now that I had my recommend and was found worthy to attend, I could ask another endowed member about what when on in the temple so I would be prepared when I went through. Obviously he knew how weird it was and wanted the newbies to be a little bit prepared. I can admire that. I've also never heard of any other sp telling anyone that.

Newlywed advice: This was a little strange because I had spent time at his house hanging out with his kids. Well the advice started with we should pray and read our scriptures together. Let the Lord into our relationship. Blah, blah, blah. Normal stuff.

He then said that we would of course want to intimate. This was perfectly normal and natural, but we should remember to put our garments back on very soon after we were finished. He then said that we might want to use lingerie as part of our intimacy. This was also perfectly normal and natural, but that again after we were finished we should put our garments back on. It all came back to garments. That was the end of the sex talk.

I actually felt that the sp was giving sex advice to try and do away with some of the mormon misconceptions about sex. I give my sp props for saying that sex was normal and natural since so many mormons have hangups. He also said lingerie was ok. Something my mom did not agree with when she slapped me after I bought some.

I never had another temple interview. After going through I never wanted to go back, so I can't say if my sex life would ever had been dug into or not.

Of course growing up in the church, I had heard the apostles said no oral sex, but I got married in 1999 and it had been a long time since that advice had come out. Now it boggles my mind that old men close doors and give worthiness interviews to YW, but at the time it seemed normal. All I was ever asked as a teen or young adult was if I lived the law of chastity, never anything more. I know that was not the case for everyone, but I never felt, even now as an exmo, that I ever had any inappropriate interview questions about sex except for one time...

I confessed to my bish that I had gone a little too far with my fiance. The bish asked exactly what we did, but he never tried to pry or ask for more information. He actually told me, that these things can happen and so we should not put oursleves in situations where they could happen again like being alone together in a room with the door closed. He also told me that if it happened again, he would have to tell my parents-I had moved back home for a few months just before the marriage- this made me so angry because I was a college graduated adult who had been supporting myself and only moved back home to save three months rent!!! How dare he treat me like a 16 year old!

I have to say that this was the worst thing I had experienced in a church interview- threatning to tell the parents of an almost 24 year old that she was fooling around with her fiance. And I use fooling around loosely, we were still able to be married in the temple.

I had nothing to do with him again until the temple interview questions, which as I said before were just the temple questions. He did not ask if I had sinned again. Which I had, but didn't think he needed to know about. The bish had also told me to read miracle of forgiveness, which in my opinion is the most damaging book ever written by a church leader.

Thanks for the replies. My little brother just got married a few weeks ago, and I was curious if there was some sort of procedure they follow to giving sex advice, which I feel should be between the married couple, excluding a bishop. I think Im just gonna ask my brother what the bishop said to him before he got married.

...1. "Have you ever had sexual relations?" to which I answered, "No" (the truth). And the next question blew me away: 2. "Have you ever had an abortion?" I laughed in his face and responded, "I said I never had sexual relations, how could I have an abortion?"

He was older, following a line of questions and I don't believe actually listening to anything I answered. I should have answered yes to everything he asked and I believe I still would've received a temple recommend.

My fiance was furious at the questions he posed and talked with him after my interview. Well, actually, he chewed him out. It was pretty fun.

And yes, we both left the morg six years later.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 08/28/2011 06:42PM by toto.

I got married in the temple about 4 years ago so this is pretty recent. At the time I was a student at BYU Idaho and going to a student ward. The stake president had a group interview with all of the engaged couples in the ward which was rather generic. Then, he had us interview as couples or individuals if our fiancee wasn't there. I was interviewed individually since my wife at the time was on her mission. Lol! I was so tbm. During the interview the stake president said that even though I was getting married I needed to abstain from all impure and unholy sexual practices. I had heard that phrase all the time in church but it was super vague so I took the time to ask a man who was inspired by God to explain what that meant. He got clearly uncomfortable and tried to deflect the question. I was sincerely interested so I asked again and finally in a very solemn voice he told me that there were very depraved people who would want me to believe that certain things are ok to do once I am married these things were too obscene to mention in the house of the lord. When I asked for examples he conceded to give me one. In visible distress he explained that some couples like to kiss passionately with their tongues. He said that it is called French kissing in slang and it is never appropriate; not even in marriage!

I guess he mistook the horrified look on my face as agreement to the depravity of such an act and dropped the subject altogether. In reality I was horrified that a man I had viewed as inspired just 15 minutes earlier was now an idiot spewing stupidity and probably giving every couple he interviewed a sex-guilt complex for just making out. I knew for a fact that this "obscene" tongue kissing was in fact a popular extracurricular for nearly everyone on campus. Lmao! I walked out of that interview with a very altered mindset about priesthood leaders. It was a big part of me letting go of the church.

To this day I sometimes find myself wondering how spiritual, awful, and awkward that man's sex life must have been. His poor wife. I hope your brother got better advice than that!

Foreverhuman, what you should have said was, "So I take that to mean that blow jobs are out of the question?"

Poor guy indeed.

Anything so shamelessly European must be suspect! ; )

I was already endowed so I had a TR from my home ward. When I moved to Utah, I went to talk to the SP to get permission to marry in the temple.

When he said "Some advice I give married couples is-"

I interrupted and said "that's okay, I'm good" and smiled and left. I wasn't acting in open defiance of any kind of authority. I was a tbm and as a convert often did stuff that made people scratch their heads.

Now I think some of the stuff I did living in Utah was pretty funny because I didn't know any better and I understand why the in-laws saw me as rebellious.

Of course... NOW I am. :)

I married in 1972...many moons ago.The thing I remember the most is the garment messages. NEVER let them touch the floor,and put them on IMMEDIATELY after....you know. My mother-in-law told me that one of her best friends (she told me this about 25 years ago) would stay 'shudder'....naked!! Can you imagine! Staying naked after sex. The friend told my MIL that she enjoyed it. MIL thought that was a horrible sin.

We had a very limited stretch, sexually, of having some fun (my guy perspective), experimenting/enjoying some oral sex. I even got a "my god you are good"!!! And frankly, honestly, I didn't know what the hell I was doing, but it was working.LOL

Then it happened, my very obedient to church authorities wife, went in for her temple recommend renewal interviews. The very enjoyable experimenting came to an abrupt end. They, the BP and SP, had gotten very personal in the interviewing process, and then very specific in their can and can't do counselling.

Thank god, we had been saved from further sin. And they had done their duty in cleansing the ward/stake from people who were momentarily having more joy and pleasure than they were...JERKS!!!

I'm 60 years old and still pretty angry with TSCC and its "leaders", for the many ways in which they mess with people's lives...CULT