I am wondering if anyone else here feels guilt over things they did while in the church.

I went inactive at age 15, so luckily the damage I was able to do was minimal. But I did go to the temple once, at age 12 or 13. I did baptisms for the dead. I guess I thought I was doing the right thing at the time, but of course I know better now.

I still, at age 32, feel really guilty about the dead dunkings I did all those years ago. Even though I'm atheist and don't believe in the afterlife, I know that my actions had the potential to cause pain to family members who may not have wanted their relatives names used that way.

I wish there was some way to make amends. Anyone else struggling with guilt?

Sure did. When I got off my mission I was determined to bring my gay brother back to the light. I agreed to everything that my brother wanted to do and ended up going to gay wedding. At the end of the night my closed mind couldn't handle it anymore and I ripped him a new one.

A couple years back I asked my brother who had been the hardest on him for being gay and he told me it was me, hands down. That was a hard pill to swallow.

I've done a completely 180 since then and I realize that a lot of my animosity was due to my own paranoia that I might be gay myself. No amount of support I provide for the gay community I've come to love will ever make up for the fact that I was a complete jerk.

> I've done a completely 180 since then and I
> realize that a lot of my animosity was due to my
> own paranoia that I might be gay myself. No
> amount of support I provide for the gay community
> I've come to love will ever make up for the fact
> that I was a complete jerk.


Although you may have a hard time forgiving yourself I suspect the fact that you've changed and left the judgement behind would be enough for your brother and others you might have wronged. Can't speak for them...it's just a guess.

I feel guilt for raising my children to be Mormons. It seems their life would be so much better if I didn’t do that. They will waste so much time and money because of how I raised them. Not to mention the needless guilt that they will be made to feel.

It's shameful and presumptive to do mormon temple rites in the names of dead non mormon and exmormon names. I try to make up for my poor behavior by speaking out against it now, better late than never.

DNA so sorry, I can't imagine that on my mind. I have had dreams the mormons get my kids and are hiding them from me. I always have a flame thrower in my hands somehow? I end up killing their children before they show me where my children are. Monthi it is so easy to fall into that trap! I was a "molly-mormon" hiding a relationship with my girlfriend all through high school. I was the hardest on myself. She was in a cultish baptist church and she wanted to walk away. I instead married my husband. He was raised by a bigot and said the harshest things about gay/bisexual people. Around the time I admitted to him about Andrea (12 years into our marriage)our sons best friend,he was 5, admitted to his parents he liked our son in a girlfriend way.Those two "revelations" changed my husband's perception immensely. I am so glad he is open-minded and willing to change. He apologizes on a regular basis for it. I honestly forgive him and wish he could forgive himself. I am certain your brother forgives you and is so relieved he has his brother back.

Guilt was the first thing I dropped out of my life when I stopped being a Mormon.

The dead dunkings were fake. Feeling bad about them is like feeling bad about pretending to be a wizard and slaying the Balrog because maybe that Balrog was a really nice guy.

I agrree. I wasn't in the church long enough to go on a mission or raise kids in it. As far as dead dunkings, my intentions were good and it doesn't mean anything anyway and, according to Mormon doctrine, the deceased can reject it. If someone is offended because I was baptized for his relative, I am sorry, but I don't really feel guilty although I understand their feelings.

I was misled and I was on vacation with my friends. We were silly kids on a road trip and adventure.

I wish however that I had not graduated from BYU. It's not guilt but a strong wish.

The best thing I/We did was to not baptize our kids........they were blessed when infants. I do feel guilty about that but there was parental pressure from our families. I removed their names when I resigned. They didn't get mormonized.

K

for myself, and to undo all the bothering I did to thousands of people during that time... all for a silly story and the building up of mormonism, inc.

For about the last ten years I’ve been struggling to keep my disbelief a secret from my children. Lately I’ve found out that they were struggling too. Had I been honest with myself and with them years ago we might have saved some awkward situations for all of us.

Yes. Mormonism crushed my natural compassion and filled me with religious fervor and determination to do the right thing, instead of listening, being present, or really even caring how my children felt about going to church, or what they were experiencing there.

It wasn't until they were adults did I learn they were abused. They didn't tell me because they knew I would never believe them.

Like Cheryl, I try to make up for following their terrible advice by warning others and trying to guide people away from taking actions that I now regret.

You can't undo the past, but you can use it for good in the present.

Anagrammy

There is one incident that I causes me the most guilt. I was having a discussion with my gay son and in response to him stating that God would not expect him to be lonely and not live the way he is. I responded with the church’s stance that “God does expect you to be chaste, and that would mean celibacy instead of a gay life.”

This son and I are very close. My other children refuse to associate with me at all since I left the church, divorced their mother, and I am now in a long-term relationship (gay). But, that one conversation with my son still haunts my thoughts.

I also regret the hours of family time lost to church callings. When I got my membership back about 20 years ago, a bishop laid the guilt trip on for the lost years I was out. To make up for it, I should accept all callings. Well, when I was in the EQ presidency, Institute instructor, choir director, organist, all at the same time I was spending way to much time away from home.

Yes. I feel bad about the shunning I did to disaffected family members. I wasn't an overt in your face jerk but on the whole the unspoken vibe was 'you don't measure up and i don't want to associate with you". Now I'm one of them and trying to reconnect.

I remember one more--i used the blessing of one of my kids as a sermon to an inactive in-law. The good part is that i've apologized and we are friends now.

And another one...I regret acting out in different ways when younger. Maybe this is just a big excuse but from my viewpoint now, I believe the extreme mormon repression produced behavior that would not exist otherwise.

I don't feel any guilt associated with mormonism. I never did anything that I need to feel guilty about.

I didn't go on a mission, but even if I had I don't think I would feel guilty about it. I would have done it out of good intentions, and because of what I had been taught was the truth.

IMO for me to feel guilty would be unearned guilt. The ones who should feel guilty are the men at the top. They have access to, and know all about the real mormon church. They know how the church came to be. They know how the money is collected and spent. They know about other leaders who are abusing members. They know a lot of things I had no way of knowing. They are the ones who should feel loaded down with guilt.

The young kids on missions, the parents trying to do their best, people who are trying to be the best they can be. They are not the guilty ones.

The church goes to great extremes to keep its members emotionally and spiritually hand cuffed. They use guilt and fear like a piano tuner, fine tuning the life out of members.The ones who have been raised in it since birth, especially should feel no guilt. You should not be holding onto guilt that belongs to the men that have kept the mormon church's agenda alive. It is their guilt, if they admit it or not.

I especially feel no guilt for doing temple work. I have a lot of feelings about it, but guilt isn't one of them. Those people are dead. They don't care.

I'm tempted to feel guilty for raising my kids in the church. But even there, guilt would serve no good purpose. I was doing what I thought was best. I was ignorant about the Mormon church. As soon as I knew better, I did better. I feel sad that so much of their childhood was spent at church. Sometimes I feel angry. I never feel guilty.

If I had known the church was lying, and deceiving, and I persisted in following them anyway, then I might feel guilt. Maybe. The only reason I would do that would be to hold my family together. It would be a situation that was set up by the church to tear my family apart. Truth seekers and finders are separated from the believing whenever the church leadership can manage it.

The ones who should feel guilt are the ones who are in the top leadership and are knowingly perpetrating a lie. The reason they can do what they do is because they're beyond feeling. They feel no remorse, no guilt. They have more to lose than they are willing to lose. They also would lose their friends, family,income, and life as they know it. They don't have the courage it takes to stand up and tell the truth. Instead they talk themselves into believing that the church is a good thing in spite of the foundation of lies it's built on. As long as they can convince themselves and each other of that, they do nothing. They use the lie to keep their families together, and maintain their standard of living. They don't care what it's doing to the people they view as underlings.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/23/2012 11:57AM by Mia.

"The church goes to great extremes to keep its members emotionally and spiritually hand cuffed. They use guilt and fear like a piano tuner, fine tuning the life out of members."

Very well said, Mia


Anagrammy

Guilt, in my understanding has very little useful value except to recognize that something needs to change in some manner, or stop doing something as it's not beneficial.

So, yes, I do feel some guilt from time to time, but not about my life as an LDS member: mother, wife, etc. That was my belief at the time. It was valid at the time.

I changed my mind about my religious views/beliefs. I have done that several times. I have no guilt about that. That is about evolving and gaining insight and a better understanding of life in general and what works for me at any given time in my life.

I take as close as to a neutral position on all religions as possible. They are a right of every human being. Besides, I have absolutely no power to make a change in their policies, beliefs, etc. so I leave it all alone. Those are other people's rights to their choices which I honor. I can't begin to list the number of religious beliefs I don't like, or believe, or care for.

Because of my background I have seen families torn apart because of many reasons; criminal acts, hurt feelings, betrayals,lies, and on and on and on. I don't blame Mormonism, for instance. I hold the individual responsible for their behavior and choices which is where I think it belongs, regardless of their religious beliefs.

I don't feel guilt for the temple work. At the end of the day, those people are dead, and no matter how many magic words we speak, none became Mormon.

I do feel guilty for some of the things I told other people, and acting like a jerk because I didn't know better.

I feel guilty about making "Follow the Prophet" such a fun song for the primary kids. Aargh.

I also feel guilty for having taken my 14 year old son to counseling (at the bishop's recommendation) to deal with masturbation. I have since apologized!

yes, for being way out of line judging others and dropping a pretty good friend over us not really having the same standards anymore.

I grew up in a heavy lds area although not in Utah and had tried to get my parents to move to where I moved to after I left there already but once I heard there were several people in my hometown area leaving tssc that I had never expected to leave I called my parents and told them they really should move because a ton of people where they currently lived were going apostate and why would they want to stay around for that?! in that icky apostate environment.

I was very omg about the "scandal" of being an apostate...but fast forward about 5 or 6 years and I was right there with them. It is funny how things can change.

When I was about Nine, I took a cap gun to church in my inside coat pocket. During the service, I "capped" off a round. I would have felt guilty, but everyone at the time thought it was the sound system (mid-70s technology). The guy who ran all the knobs was checking everyone of them, so I got away with it until . . . in a stroke of nine-year-old genius, I pulled it out after church and began shooting it outside. Discovered! Spanking!

NO.....my first act of rebellion was when I was a teenager and a TBM neighbor in our rural district wanted me to baptize their 8 year old daughter as her husband had been inactive for a long time. I refused because I couldn't bring myself to take it seriously. I just thought "why the hell would I want to do that??Nothing ever came of it and mt TBM parents never mentioned it again.

I'm currently an active member, not married, not sure if I'm going to stay in the church forever.

I've met a guy who is a nevermo, and am considering an *ahem* intimate relationship with him.

Million dollar question is, if I get jiggy with this guy, how much time should I spend feeling guilty about not wanting to confess my potential breach of chastity to a 60-year-old guy who, as a married man, has the opportunity to get laid on a regular basis...who has no idea what it's like to be a pretty 30-year-old who doesn't want to muck up her life by marrying the wrong guy just because she wants a piece?

jezebel2mishies Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I'm currently an active member, not married, not
> sure if I'm going to stay in the church forever.
>
> I've met a guy who is a nevermo, and am
> considering an *ahem* intimate relationship with
> him.
>
> Million dollar question is, if I get jiggy with
> this guy, how much time should I spend feeling
> guilty about not wanting to confess my potential
> breach of chastity to a 60-year-old guy who, as a
> married man, has the opportunity to get laid on a
> regular basis...who has no idea what it's like to
> be a pretty 30-year-old who doesn't want to muck
> up her life by marrying the wrong guy just because
> she wants a piece?


zero

if jesus truly wants the bishop to know, he will appear to him and reveal your "sins" through the power of his priesthood and the gift of discernment.

i think you are pretty safe. I worked with ym, and never saw a bishop call them on their "sins"

if you do get jiggy, have fun but be careful. physically and emotionally

Do NOT confess! OMG. It is none of his business. You have no one to account to. He is NOT God's authority. Wrap your head around the falseness of the church and then you'll be able to enjoy your life. Of course, be smart about your relationships, and always, safe-sex!

I don't struggle with guilt, but I do regret bothering all of those good people in OK. Knocking on doors and trying to shove Jesus down their throat. They all loved Jesus down there, so they saw us as the biggest nuisance trying to give them "our" Jesus.

I also agree that there just seems to be a huge amount of disrespect associated with doing temple rites for the dead.

I only feel guilty for all the rightousness I attempted that I was misjudged as some demonic possessed. When I broke the wisdom my biopola mananic depression came under stability and I rose to position in the church as long as they didnt know I took legal drugs to do the lords work because it was the true me loving and calm.. Drug free I am a madman. I feel guilty anytime I try to live the word of wisdom. Keeping it has cost me hell apon this earth as some extremest even like terrorists and self-rightousness shinning out of my ass. I rebuke self-rightousness now...

I like the sin of breaking the word of wisdom. It is my defence against self-rightous arrogant prick leaders who then have no power over me with their own filthy stinking rags of rightousness. Fuck them all, fuck word of wisdom rightousness
Fuck a church that wants stability at any cost and never accepted me in rightousness and threw me out with the dirty bath water when their own bath was dirty with stinking rightousness and arogant pride.
Larry...

I was inactive for a long time when I decided to go back to church. I had a great relationship with my gay aunt but I let the church influence my new hateful attitude towards my aunt. I even got involved in prop hate for the mormons. Even today, our relationship still suffers. We barely talk.

I feel so guilty because I stopped listening to my heart and let the mormons tell me how I should feel about my aunt. My aunt never did anything to deserve the treatment I gave her.

Jezebel, have you had previous intimate relationships? I ask because "great sex" doesn't usually happen on a whim. Takes a while in an intimate relationship to let your partner know what you like. Not a chastity thing, if you find someone you want an intimate relationship with go for it, but expect a few practice lessons before it's good. As for the 60 year old married fart, I doubt they get it on regularly. Can't have kids at that age and missionary position just isn't fun!

I feel bad about the fact that I chose a temple marriage instead of a wedding where my parents and my husband's parents could attend.


We live "in the mission field" where people are not familiar with the LDS policy of limiting wedding attendance to members with temple recommends.


We were both converts. Nobody else in either of our families were members of TSCC. So both sets of parents were completely perplexed -- as well as very deeply hurt -- when they found out that they were not invited to our wedding.


On top of that, we had to get married in a completely different state 400 miles away, because that was the nearest temple.


So neither his parents nor my parents even got to see us at any time on our wedding day. They didn't have the money to go to a far away city, just to see us walk in a building they were not welcomed in, and then see us walk back out of that building a few hours later.


I missed having my mother help me put my wedding dress on, or put finishing touches on my hair, or hear my last minute jitters.


My father missed out on giving his daugher away in marriage.


Since my husband was the only one of his three siblings to get married while his parents were still alive, the decision to have a temple marriage meant that my in laws never had opportunity to attend one of their children's weddings.


And after all of that, 26 years later I find out that Rich, Mormon Royal Mitt Romney was allowed what I was not -- a chance to have a civil wedding at home, followed by a temple marriage the next day.


Why could Mr. Privilege have that, when it was denied to me and my family?

I feel guilty about how judgmental and self-righteous I was.

I think the biggest thing that I feel guilty about, or just plain regret, is the way I viewed non-members. They were somehow not complete, whole, valuable people to me. Nothing to offer because they didn't have the truth.

Thinking about that makes me cringe and laugh at the same time. Such a dangerous, awful, limiting way of seeing the world.

I'm glad that now, that thought behavior has been completely turned on its head.