Posted by:
forestpal
(
)
Date: July 18, 2012 01:06AM
Ah, Tristan-Powerslave, I'm so sorry that you were abused! I was, too, and I still have PTSD. Most likely, you have it, too. Cognitive-behavioral psychotherapy really helped me, but it took many years. Even now, I have to be aware of my fears, and face them head-on, as my psychiatrist trained me to do. Life does get better, and many of your fears probably no longer exist--especially if you have left the cult.
It will help you to officially resign. If you aren't free to do that, then you probably aren't really free of the cult, either. You need to get Mormonism out of your life and out of your thoughts, as much as possible! If you are still trapped, you can cut back on your meeting attendance. Balance the unpleasant meetings with something you enjoy, immediately afterwards--even if it is a short walk around the neighborhood to decompress, or a bag of fries at McDonald's. You are coping with a truckload of negativity, and you can balance that with love (even a pet loves you) and non-Mormon friends and activities you truly enjoy. You can physically be forced to go to meetings, but still not be there in your heart and mind--know what I mean? Think of something else. Make a shopping list. Plan your week. Read a book. Do math in your head. Read Victor Frankyl's "Man's Search for Meaning."
My biggest problem was anger. Anger is a normal stage in recovery. It is a normal step in mourning the loss of a loved one. You feel like you have lost your self, your childhood, your freedom, your hope, maybe even your soul--NOT! Even if you had only one more day to live, you would choose to live it outside of church. You have years and years! "Man is that he might have joy."
It has been 6 years for me, and the rage has not subsided. Maybe it is because some of us still live among the Mormons, our families and neighbors are Mormons, and Mormons are still being rude to us. The shunning goes on and on. At one time, I thought my anger was pretty much over, and them--wham--Prop 8 got me seething all over again! My children resigned with me, but one married a Mormon, and the cult has its claws into my grandchildren. Maybe we need to deal with our anger, and take more action. The more you stand up to your oppressors, the easier it gets. Remember that bullies are cowards.
You have lived long enough to see that "what goes around, comes around." My TBM ex-husband who beat and strangled me had a stroke a few weeks ago, and he can't walk. My abusive TBM brother is dealing with lawsuits against him for the sexual harassment and molestation of two neighbor ladies. My older TBM brother who stole away most of our parents' estates, had his son do the same thing to him, causing him to lose his house, and die homeless. Karma is a bigger bitch than any of us could ever be!
Mormon abusers get away with their crimes. I don't know about you, but it makes me feel better to see my abusers punished.