So, hey everybody. I've been AWOL for a while since my crazy job has been limiting my time on the web, and because I just haven't had Mormonism on the brain much lately-- I know right? How cool is it to have the only Mormon drama in my life be Mitt Romney? Of course, it couldn't last and today it reared its ugly head again.

DH has been struggling with his father's issues for years. FIL is passive-aggressive, insensitive, judgmental, ignorant, insecure-- he embodies the stereotype of priesthood arrogance. It's ugly.

Anyway, DH made a silly joke on his facebook status yesterday (really not scandalous, and had nothing to do with Mormonism) that apparently crossed a sacred line and lo and behold, Bishop dad opted to de-friend him after making some comments. DH was, understandably hurt. He has been expecting this for some time, but didn't realize that he was going to feel this way about it. He only talks to his dad maybe twice a year (at most, if even that) by phone, but he figured it was just because they interacted enough on facebook and his dad isn't much of a phone person. Now there's no facebook either and it pretty much amounts to being completely cut out of his dad's life.

So, in response, I finally did what I have been wanting to do ever since the day my in-laws invaded facebook. I defriended and blocked my Utah, TBM, Bishop, father-in-law. I am done with him and all his ignorance. For years, he has been posting stupid-ass, judgey comments on my pictures and fb wall. I've just quietly deleted them without comment, hoping that he would get the point that my facebook wall is not the place to make derogatory comments about my people, culture, dog, or hometown.

Turns out de-friending toxic relatives is mildly empowering. It actually feels rather refreshing to have our facebook relationship (or lack thereof) honestly reflect the state of our relationship (non-existent). I expected to feel something more than this. Like "I sure showed him" or something really juvenile like that. But if I were to summarize how I feel about it, it's "meh". It was just the thing to do. He has been disrespecting me for years, and now he has completely rejected my #1. I've been tolerant of him for my husband's sake and since he doesn't even want to maintain that connection, we really are nothing to each other anyway. If I felt something more, I think it would be a sign that I was investing too much emotionally in a virtually non-existent relationship.

Anyway, just thought I'd share in case anyone can relate.

I've refused to do the whole facebook thing because of the jillion TBM relatives I have out there. My mother being one of them.

I cut her off a long time ago. I have to say, I don't miss the long periods of time I used to need to recover after hearing from her. It was cutting months out of my life. I should have did it years before I did. I guess I kept hoping she would get a soul.

Before FB there was email. Before that there were telephone and address lists.

Editing those can help one feel immensely unburdened.

Distancing yourself from self-righteous, dysfunctional TBM's is the most important thing one can do to preserve and insure your mental and physical health! No more masks, no more pretending, no more phoniness and trying to "keep the peace"; now you can relax and just be true to your own conscience. And they WILL attempt to suck you back into their drama with all manner of ploys and games: "why are you offended?"

I think it's so hypocritical, and even hilarious, that exmos are always charged with the crime of being "offended". Yet just try being honest with your opinion on something concerning TSCC--or Romney--and watch the ones being "offended" rear their ugly heads. Way too much drama and toxicity! I have to distance myself for months after one of these episodes.

I think excommunicating ourselves from rabid Mormon family is the best psychological therapy we can administer to ourselves.
BTW, I just got unfriended by a Mormon friend for offending her with a comment I made on her page. She posted a NYTimes article about how the old, wealthy Utah Mormon families were rallying around and supporting Romney. She had been complaining about all the negative and "biased" reporting on the COJCLDS, and expressed thankfulness for this unbiased article. An old illustration of a wagon train circle formation accompanied the article, and I commented on how appropriate that was, making an analogy of the "circling of the wagons" mentality, as well as the tired old "persecution complex" showing it's face. (This was a friend I used to talk with repeatedly in the past about her problems with all things Mormon, but she was compelled to return to the fold. She's otherwise very openminded, so I thought it was safe.) I also stated the reason why I couldn't support Mittens OR the church, while referencing the factual, unbiased BusinessWeek article on Mormon money. No slander, no anti-Mormonism. I was privately messaged that she felt "vulnerable" and only wanted friends who would support her and her faith. I frankly told her I supported her in anything she wanted to believe in, but could NOT support the corporation. I was thus "unfriended". Oh well--better to be honest than a hypocrite. Was I wrong? Did I go too far?