Just wondering what your experiences have been coming "out" to family after leaving the church? Have you chosen to talk about why you have left and attempted to show them the evidences against Mormonism? Have you been able to help anyone leave through doing this or at least help them better understand your reasons for leaving? It is better to just say as little as possible for fear they might think of you as a threat to everyone else?

I've discussed it with DW, and we've both decided to agree to disagree. She's staying Mormon and I'm not. I have discussed it with siblings and my mother, which is easy because they are not active Mormons, and have an agnostic or NOM type viewpoint.

My ex, the one I had all the kids with and her current hubby have surprisingly (or not, when I think about it) become inactive and rather hostile toward it, so I have discussed it with them.

I haven't and may never discuss it with my children and grand children, because of the drama it would create. They know I've been lukewarm about "The Church" for years. The details are best left unsaid. I will be happy to discuss matters with those who inquire, though.

Dad + 1 sibling didn't give a sh!t.

Mom + 2 siblings gave a sh!t. Had a cow or two. Went into orbit. Big drama. Big recriminations. Shunning. Manipulation. More shunning.

You get the picture.

I believe 99% of the time it is best to say as little as possible.

The only family members I've discussed anything at all with is my wife & 16 year old daughter. Otherwise everyone knows but we focus on the rest of our relationship and it seems best.

With my daughter I've gone very slow and gentle so it's good.

With my wife I think I would have been a lot better off to talk to her less about it and not create walls.

One exception would be if someone approaches you with genuine curiosity and not in an attempt to reconvert you. I have debated it a little with a couple of friends and that was very cathartic and helpful for me to work through things - it remained civil and as expected no one convinced anyone of anything - but it was nice to have a foil.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/29/2012 11:08PM by bc.

My husband and two adult children left with me.

My sister is a fence sitter. We have other things to talk about, so we do.

Some good friends at church are very close to jumping ship. I'm so excited about that. 5 of their 6 adult children (with spouse and kids) have left. They've been questioning it for a long time. They are the wards biggest tithe payers. The day they leave mormonism behind will be a very good day. He's a convert, she's a 5th generation ex Utahan. I think they will jump ship this year.

My parents and sister studied my "research" after I told them I no longer believed. Surprisingly they were very upset that they never learned these things in church and they resigned from the church 6 months later. So, at least in my case I am VERY glad I told them.

I was the first to go, followed soon after by my brothers. My mom is the last one, and when we've spoken about it (even recently at thanksgiving) the end result is her with crocodile tears streaming down her face, and me wondering why she was able to have a one-sided conversation with me about kolobianism while I was a child but now that I want to have a two-way conversation with her as an adult that's somehow a personal attack on her character, mothering skills, and intellect.

Yeah, sometimes it's better to keep it simple: "Oh, when I was a kid I didn't realize how silly the mormon church is. Now I do."

:)

For me, the big realization was that I was an atheist. So rather than getting into evidences against Mormonism, I just say I don't believe in any type of supernatural realm and there's no convincing evidence why I should.

Even if I weren't an atheist, I think my approach would be that I just don't believe Mormonism -- in much the same way they don't believe in Hinduism, Buddhism, Islam or any other belief system. They can bear the hell out of their testimonies, but, sorry, I still don't believe it.

I spoke to my wife and two of our children earlier but only told the rest of the family after I resigned. They are still unwilling to look into what I wrote and one even said I must be wrong as it was not possible for me to be right. So, I still have a wife, ten of our children, and 22 grandchildren still going.

Discussions only seem to be helpful until they get their defenses up. For me, it works best to listen more than talk, and to stop as soon as I detect they are in defense mode.

Just getting them to explain what they know about the Book of Abraham could get them to listen to themselves. If I explain it, they glaze over.

This stuff takes a tremendous amount of time, and most of us don't start until we are so far out that they know better than to listen - to a dread apostate.

I chose to send a letter via email to my family letting them know that I was resigning and was also agnostic/atheist. I didn't get into specifics on why, but I did give a general outline of how I got to my final decision. I also outlined general beliefs that I have now that I'm not a Christian.

I heard back from three of my sisters right away, two of them ex-mos and one still a member. My ex-mo sisters were obviously happy, and the other one pretty said she still loved me.

My Mom took two weeks to respond, and called crying saying she was still praying for me and made the accusation that I must have never had a testimony. She also alluding to her thinking this must be a phase I'm going through. My Dad and two of my other siblings have yet to acknowledge that I ever sent the letter (but they did receive it). They all still talk to me, just not about the changes in my life.

One of my ex-mo sisters left only months before I did. I had told her I was planning to leave the Church, and after a few weeks she asked to know why and I gave her some general topics that bothered me, which she then researched on her own. She started asking me questions and my thoughts on those topics and next thing I know, she had decided to leave the Church too. Never would have guessed she would decide to resign, but I'm so happy for her that she did.

Changing religions or leaving one is personal.

A spouse and children do have a right to know. All you can do is be mindful of their feelings and take it slowly. Approach these subjects in context when the conversation allows and try to avoid drama as much as possible.

Ever played "one hit tennis"?

This is the tennis match where you hit one over to the other side and your opponent misses it, every time, or just watches it go by. Never a return ball.

That is what it is like talking church with my family now....toss out a comment for discussion, and wait......nothing. Unless you are fawning over the latest pronouncement from on high from the big 15, you are kindly invited to keep to yourself.

Funny, for a church that claims to have the truth, its members aren't very interested in defending it, nor talking about it, nor learning anything more about it.