Posted by:
vhainya
(
)
Date: January 10, 2011 12:56PM
I decided not to post this as anon because, although it is deeply personal and painful, I don't want to hide in shame behind an anonymous handle over it.
I grew up in the 40th ward in Mesa Arizona. The ward was very small but at the time it felt close-knit and like my family. With parental encouragement I played with only the other children in the ward, extra-curricular activities centered around ward sports, plays and talent contests. Even my parents made a point to spend great amounts of time at ward member's homes establishing friendships with them, some which have lasted to this day despite us moving out of state some years later.
One weekend when I was 8 years old my father planned a day trip to the lake. He invited the two teenage boys from across the street, also ward members. We loaded up the van, hitched the boat and my brother, the two boys and myself were on our way. Sitting in the back seat next to the older of the two I found myself curious about his walkman. He offered to let me listen to it. I put the walkman on and he positioned the tape player on my lap for me, then proceeded to rub my crotch. I did not know how to react to an older boy's obviously inappropriate sexual advances having never been coached by anyone about how to stop it. This thing was only supposed to happen with strangers. I knew this boy. I had spent time with him at his house and he was always very nice to me. I repositioned the walkman lower down my legs thinking I was mistaken about what he was trying to do. He continued rubbing my crotch. I suddenly realized I was trapped in the back of this van with a boy who was molesting me. My father was chatting with his brother in the front seat and I had no clue how to stop what was happening. Eventually I climbed behind the seats and fell asleep with a thick blanket over myself.
I was ashamed and blamed myself for what happened. I tried very hard to hold it in so my parents wouldn't find out I was no longer pure. After two weeks I broke down crying and confessed what happened to my mother. She was horrified, comforted me and told me it was going to be ok because she was going to talk to the bishop. I nodded my 8 year old head in agreement to her plan. The bishop lived next door. We knew their family and they were good people. He would take care of this.
The bishop did absolutely nothing. Police were not called. The incident was never brought up again. It was like it never happened. The boy continued passing sacrament in church every week. If the bishop even talked to him there were no repercussions at all. Shortly after that we moved into a larger home several blocks away (same ward) and I was no longer in proximity to remain the target of his abuse. I grew up with this memory and even questioned if it was real.
Years later my mother vacationed to Mesa and visited friends from her old 40th ward. One woman decided to bring her up to date on all the ward gossip and told her how our former neighbor's son was going through a very nasty divorce, and how horrible his wife is because she had fabricated this story about how he had molested their children because she was trying to get custody. All three children were too young to confirm they were abused. My mother told her what he did to me and that the accusations were probably true. My mother's friend got very upset then and told my mother how NO ONE believed his wife. Even her own family had turned against her in this entire process.
WHY did she not call the police when I was 8? What is it about the TBM mentality that makes people call the bishop instead? To me he was just a neighborhood kid and what happened had a very deep impact on me. I cannot imagine the impact his abuse had on his own children. When my mother told me about her conversation I asked her why she didn't call the police when it happened. She really couldn't answer me. She just said calling the bishop seemed like the right thing to do at the time.
Now she asks why I'd want to resign. Go figure.
Edited 4 time(s). Last edit at 01/10/2011 01:01PM by vhainya.