Posted by:
steve benson
(
)
Date: January 06, 2015 03:40AM
In another thread, RfM poster "Actually Gone" asks: "As a TBM, was there anything that made you think your priesthood is fake?"
("As a TBM, Was There Anything That Made You Think Your Priesthood Is Fake?," on "Recovery from Mormonism" discussion board, 5 January 2015, at:
http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,1476740,1476740#msg-1476740)
Yes, there was. The eye-opener came in a Provo ward Elders quorum meeting during a dramatic moment of hilariously unholy hoopla midway through the lesson.
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When I was doing undergrad studies at BYU back in one of those 1970s trippin'-out Provo summers, I attended an off-campus ward (if I recall correctly, it was the Provo 19th, but it may as well have been the Provo 666th). Allow me to explain.
It was a beautiful Sabbath morning during Elders quorum class, where those of us in attendance were treated to a demonstration of how--when push comes to shove--Mormon priesthood power is nothing but a limp, useless, toothless noodle (in this case, that toothless noodle was something to behold). The instructor was giving some eminently-forgettable lesson when suddenly, and without permission, a member of the quorum began to challenge him from his seat over some arcane aspect of the Gospel according to whatever brand of Mormonism the objector was seeking to protect from teacher misrepresentation, adulteratiuon and falsification. The protester became more insistent, even as the instructor attempted to ignore him. Try as the teacher might to move forward with God's lesson correlated from Kolob, the protester would not cease and desist from his increasing doctrinal commotion. The exercised elder got even louder, more adament, more persistent and more determined, yea verily, having now risen from his seat in strenuous objection to the direction of the lesson as it was devilishly being taught by the teech. The poor instructor looked helpless.
Time to call in the Commander-in-Chief.
In a last ditch effort to quell the member from hell, the instructor solemnly raised his arm to the square and, in his best imitation-temple-film voice, declared with puff-fish authority and sternness:
"IN THE NAME OF JESUS CHRIST AND BY THE POWER OF THE HOLY PRIESTHOOD, I COMMAND YOU TO BE SILENT!"
The protesting elder smirked and shot back:
"YOU HAVE NO POWER!"
Hmmmm. Now what? Oh, Brethren, where art thou?
At this point, several members of the quorum performed another rescue attempt. They jumped up, grabbed the unholy heckler by his suit and tie, put him in some kind of Wrestle-Mania Magic Masonic Mormon hold that I had never seen demonstrated through the hole at the Veil and escorted this grunting, demon-possessed demonstrator out of the classroom and into the hallway. The instructor went back to giving his assigned lesson, in all his now-more-than-ever noodlessness.
This is not a joke.
Wait a minute. It's Mormonism. Meaning it is a joke--especially since I saw and heard it, punchline and all, with my own eyes that Sabbath day in Provo, as performed by Elohim's holy priesthood holders.
Now is the Great Day of Their Rolling Power Blackout.
Edited 7 time(s). Last edit at 01/06/2015 03:26PM by steve benson.